Oooooh, this is what I tell myself on "those" days.
You know, when you wake up in the morning to find that somehow a pink shirt got mixed in with your whites so now your work shirt is this almost pink but not quite color, the cat puked in your left work shoe and the dog is now trying to pass the right shoe through his lower intestines and his farts now smell like a dead animal wrapped in expensive leather. On your way out of the door you noticed one of your tires is flat so you have to change the tire, getting black smudges on your pinkish white work shirt. Upon arriving at work you are told that one more late day and you're fired, "now go out there and put on a nice smile and give some super customer service!" they add as they walk away smiling, knowing full well that you're plotting their demise in the most embarrassing way possible. A customer blames you for them not knowing about a sale coming up the next day and follows you around the store scowling at you and muttering insults, another customer brings their rowdy children in and knock an entire glass display down, shattering it across the floor and begin to cry loudly so you have to not only calm them down so as not to chase other customers away but clean up the sharp glass, and your history with sharp objects is none too pleasing. Then when you finally get off work you wait around for 30 extra minutes in shoes that are not comfortable (because the pets had their way with your usual shoes) for your boss to finish delegating responsibilities to the two cheerleaders she hired straight out of high school and who get paid better than you, so that she can unlock the drawer holding your check. She then turns to you and tells you that there was some kind of mix up and the checks won't be in for another several days and too bad that your rent is due tomorrow. Then on the way home you hit a caution cone in the middle of the freeway and blow ANOTHER tire. Upon getting out of the car you are attacked by a horde of escaped monkeys just before a meteor crashes into the building next to you evaporating everything. See...no more worries...it was all planned.
You know, when you wake up in the morning to find that somehow a pink shirt got mixed in with your whites so now your work shirt is this almost pink but not quite color, the cat puked in your left work shoe and the dog is now trying to pass the right shoe through his lower intestines and his farts now smell like a dead animal wrapped in expensive leather. On your way out of the door you noticed one of your tires is flat so you have to change the tire, getting black smudges on your pinkish white work shirt. Upon arriving at work you are told that one more late day and you're fired, "now go out there and put on a nice smile and give some super customer service!" they add as they walk away smiling, knowing full well that you're plotting their demise in the most embarrassing way possible. A customer blames you for them not knowing about a sale coming up the next day and follows you around the store scowling at you and muttering insults, another customer brings their rowdy children in and knock an entire glass display down, shattering it across the floor and begin to cry loudly so you have to not only calm them down so as not to chase other customers away but clean up the sharp glass, and your history with sharp objects is none too pleasing. Then when you finally get off work you wait around for 30 extra minutes in shoes that are not comfortable (because the pets had their way with your usual shoes) for your boss to finish delegating responsibilities to the two cheerleaders she hired straight out of high school and who get paid better than you, so that she can unlock the drawer holding your check. She then turns to you and tells you that there was some kind of mix up and the checks won't be in for another several days and too bad that your rent is due tomorrow. Then on the way home you hit a caution cone in the middle of the freeway and blow ANOTHER tire. Upon getting out of the car you are attacked by a horde of escaped monkeys just before a meteor crashes into the building next to you evaporating everything. See...no more worries...it was all planned.
