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Weirdness has been occurring in Divash Building, in Divash Town.
1. My downstairs neighbors on the first floor spent all summer being bad tenants in the condo building. They left their AC on full blast all summer, instead of letting it cycle on and off. This caused some of the building's pipes to actually freeze during one of the hottest weeks of the summer, and broke the AC for the entire building. So we thought evil thoughts about them.
2. Their dog was old, tiny, and has a bladder control problem. It tries its best, but didn't quite make it all the way outside before it lost control and urinated all over. Often. Sometimes it would go in their apartment, sometimes at the foot of the back stairway right before reaching the door, sometimes on the sidewalk right outside the door. Either of those last two meant that I couldn't get in or out on grocery schlepping day without stepping in pee. Also, they wouldn't clean it up in timely fashion (as in, ever), so it stunk up the entire back stairwell, all summer long. This gave them the nickname of The Stinks (Stinkmans, Stinkerbergs, Stinkramurthys, Stinkfellows, Stinkleys, pick a nationality and add a common suffix to Stink, you get the idea). There was also a steady reek of body odor coming out of their apartment, but we forgave them, because after all it was summertime and people do sweat and stink, and three of them were children, and children frankly smell awful. But we understood, at least, even though we really wished they would bathe.
3. Their three children each had a bike, and they'd put it in the stairwell instead of in their condo unit or in their basement storage unit, so they could have easy access to them. You couldn't get in or out without having to move at least one of those bikes from the foot of the back stairwell.
4. The kids would run in and out of the building all the time. Since the parents refused to give their kids keys to the building, this meant that our nice, secure building with its nice, secure locks was always open, because they left front and back doors open all the time for easy access. It also let bugs into the building all summer long. And another thing -- another person's bike was actually stolen from inside the building because those doors were open. He was ticked off, and we were ticked on his behalf.
5. Once, we were awakened by the police quite early in the morning. They asked to be let into the building. Once we ascertained that they were indeed police officers (and copied down their badge numbers), we let them in, then hung around to find out why. Apparently someone in the Stinky unit had a gun. It turned out to be fake, but if any of the Stinky family are on Gaia and are reading this right now: "Yes, I'm talking about YOU, Stinker. *rrrrrring* Clue phone. It's for you. Pick up. Yeah, you. Okay, clue time. Don't wave a gun, even a fake one, at a passing police patrol vehicle. You will become the stuff of neighborhood distrust and gossip forever. Also, BATHE, because you reek. Loves and kisses -- Divash."
6. The urine stink eventually went away (helped by me; I couldn't take it one day, and went down with rubber gloves and goggles and a BUNCH of paper towels and cleaning solvents and waged war on the smell). The body odor smell isn't quite as bad, maybe because it's cold and the smells are frozen, maybe because people are bathing more, maybe because whatever... The AC was still on, but finally turned off in September. Not because the Stinkruckers agreed that 60-degree Fahrenheit weather was the right time for it, but because Mr. Divash went downstairs and politely mentioned that you could see your breath outside, and perhaps the AC was no longer needed. The bikes were still in the stairwell until about two weeks ago. We figured, hey, look, they finally realize it's going to be snowy for the next four months, and decided the kids probably wouldn't be biking much till spring! But we were wrong, because apparently Jose on second floor finally got tired of them and put the bikes in the basement. We hadn't seen them because we don't go to the basement, ever.
7. Saturday night, the building's hot water heater broke. It's still not fixed now, and the showering and laundry and dishes are... well, let's just say if I didn't have a big kettle to boil water in, we'd all be nicknamed The Stinkers by now. I really hope it gets fixed soon, because though I can do all the cold-water laundry I want, eventually I'm going to need to wash some undies and socks, and those need hot water if they're going to get really, really clean.
8. Eventually, I looked at Mr. Divash and said, "You know, I haven't seen any of the Stinky family since around Thanksgiving." Mr. Divash said, "Yeah, but their AC finally went off. But once in a while I'm walking by their unit, and I can hear water running, so someone must be there."
9. But Mr. Divash was wrong. This morning we were awakened by the police pounding on the Stinky door and then breaking in. All the neighbors gathered in the hallways and kibbitzed until finally our condo association president finally came to find out what was up. Apparently, the Stinkers are gone, and no one's actually seen them since November. Their apartment isn't clean (of course), but it's totally empty. No furniture, no food, no dishes, nothing at all, except of course the thin layer of grime that they couldn't be bothered to clean up, because they are, in fact, Stinky.
10. Where in the world are they? Why did they go? Have they been paying their mortgage, or is the bank about to foreclose on their condo? Why did they leave the kids' bikes? Why didn't we see or hear anything about them moving out -- like a moving truck, or their kids talking about leaving, or the noise of getting furniture out of the building? What's up with the smell? Why won't you clean up after your kids, or give them house keys so they don't get locked out? Why won't you clean up after your dog, or walk him more than once a day, when it's not his fault, and he's trying so hard to be good? In short, Stinky People, WTF???
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