Epic quotes (Screw cleanliness, it's no holds barred, now)

[ChainsawDooM]

hey jaimer
hey
i loves you sweet a**, baby
excuse me?
we gonna get together an f*** tonight
right?
You stupid s***
?
What?
This is toby johnson, right
you know it is, duh.
I'm doing tech support on Jamie's computer
I'm her father, you little s***
hah!
what's
your joking right/
I am. I know where you live. I'm coming over to your house now. Don't try to run, I'll find you.
Jamie, it's not funny
Jaime?
You're screwed, dude. Her dad's psycho
f***
F***!
best run, boy
*** Toller has quit IRC (Quit: )
You're an evil b****, Jamie.
lol
brilliant... but evil
he's an a**hole anyways  

[ChainsawDooM]

Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.
Why does it seem like every time you join this channel, you end up talking about the weather?
Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather?
Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather.
I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.
Let's start there. What do you do for a living?
I'm a meteorologist.  

[ChainsawDooM]

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bas****.  

[ChainsawDooM]

random girl: hey!
guy: ...hi?
guy: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
guy: thanks
random girl: np
guy: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
guy: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
guy: oh alright
guy: I have to go
guy: my mom is kicking me off
guy: bye  

[ChainsawDooM]

JstWnnaHveFuN08: do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care?
Thilo: Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a b*****b.
JstWnnaHveFuN08: lol thanks that cheered me up
Thilo: No problem. That'll be one b*****b please.  

[ChainsawDooM]

I think the people above me are having sex
either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.  

[ChainsawDooM]

If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your a** would you tell anybody?
i dont think so
Wanna go camping?  

[ChainsawDooM]

Stupid f***ing Google
"The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
"Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search  

[ChainsawDooM]

Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little s***s in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little c***s that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.

Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the f***ing skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little s***’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little c*** he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “S***! S***!.”

Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “F***! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! F***!.” By now, the kid is scared s***less and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.

Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m F***ING HIV POSITIVE.”

And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just f***ed up big time because his mom isn’t defending his a**. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my s*** from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the c*** she is.

I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.




(Hey, even I think this guy is an a**hole... but still... I hate those little kids who walk all over their parents and do whatever the f*** they want, and the parents to absolutely nothing)  

[ChainsawDooM]

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer  

[ChainsawDooM]

he was dressed as a big f***in devil
like, HUGE costume
8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
at some anime con in california
they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
he's riding the elevator down to the con space
doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice  

[ChainsawDooM]

i beat the internet
the end guy is hard  

[ChainsawDooM]

omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests  

[ChainsawDooM]

SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM

REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF