[FIN] The Truth Comes Out

[insidiousEnigma]

The blond looked at the pokemon before looking over to Akira. "No, this is fine." He shrugged lightly but shut his book so he could give the other his full attention. "Is there something I can help you with, Akira?"  

[Kitomyx]

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt!" he added quickly, feeling he was spoiling everything not only for Louis, but for the Pokemon with him. "I, uh...I was meaning to talk to you, but we can do so another time. It's nothing urgent," he assured him, smiling sheepishly as he waved a hand.  

[insidiousEnigma]

Louis shook his head slowly and motioned to the furniture around him. "Please take a seat, I was just killing time." Auberon lifted her head from where it had been resting on Louis' thigh to give the new human a curious look. "You're not interrupting anything, I assure you."  

[Kitomyx]

Akira winced, but walked over to take a seat nonetheless. Sitting on the furniture made him feel a little odd while Louis was on the floor, so he sat across from the other man on the floor as well. "Um...if it's too bold of me or too nosy or anything, please let me know, but..." He bowed his head to stare at his knees as he sat on the back of his heels. "...may I ask what sort of feelings you have toward Andre?"  

[insidiousEnigma]

He stared at the other male for a minute before lowering his gaze to his lap. "It's a fair question, since you're involved with Andre." He set his book aside to pick up his coffee, cradling it between both hands. "I love him." He said simply before taking a sip of his coffee. "He knows this, he didn't return my feelings and still doesn't, I'm happy with things as they are. You don't need to worry about anything going on between the two of us. There is nothing." Louis explained bluntly, swirling the contents of his cup lightly.  

[Kitomyx]

"I-I'm-who said I'm-?!" The man's silver hair contrasted sharply with the ruby that his complexion went. "No! Nonononono, I didn't mean it like that!" he said hurriedly, shaking his palms at Louis. "I wasn't worried about that, I was concerned for - you...you do?" Akira blinked a couple of times. "Oh." He was silent for a long time after that, unsure he could have said anything even if Louis hadn't filled the silence with more of an elaboration on the subject.

"But...Louis..." he said slowly once Louis was finished, feeling a strange sinking sensation in his heart, "...do you know why?" It didn't make sense. It made no sense why Andre was entertaining Akira with this pretense of a romantic relationship when he wouldn't even have done the same with Louis who obviously still so deeply cared for him. "I mean...isn't it...at least for me, it'd be torture being in your position right now..."  

[insidiousEnigma]

Louis cocked his head curiously, "Why what? Why he doesn't return my feelings?" He took another long sip of his coffee as he thought how best to answer the question. "He's not obligated to return my feelings." He would rather be told that he was unloved than strung along like he knew Andre was capable of doing.

"Andre and I have been friends for a very long time. He trusts me with everything, tells me his worries, tends to me as I tend to him. He may not love me romantically but I have everything I had wanted." He shrugged.  

[Kitomyx]

"I know he's not obligated, but that isn't why," Akira replied, trying to wrap his mind around everything. "You're so wonderful to him. You're handsome, kind, caring...was it because he thought of you differently? Like a brother or something?"

The silver-haired man shook his head. "Don't give me that. You said 'love', not 'loved', so there's no way you can be content with the way things are even if you're noble enough to say so. I could maybe understand that if where you are now is the closest you could get, but to see someone else in a position that might be closer..." Akira hesitated, struggling for words.

But then he smiled softly. "Ah...it's not so bad if it's only temporary, huh?" Laughing once, he shook his head again. "I mean we both know he couldn't actually fall in love with me. I guess your role as a constant in his life is better than being a toy he's bound to eventually discard once he's bored."  

[insidiousEnigma]

Louis' gaze hardened, "Do you know how many people Andre has invited to his home?" He asked, trying to keep the edge out of his tone and managing for the most part. "Five. In the 12 years that I've known him that's it. Me, Vincent, Zacharie, Izaya, you. Do you know how many people he let's touch him so casually? Four. You, Zacharie, Vincent, and myself. Do you know how many people have been in Andre's bed, platonic or otherwise? Three. Vincent, Zacharie, and *you*."

He shook his head and hid his scowl behind his mug. "I still have feelings for Andre and yes, I admit that I'm jealous but I know what it looks like when he's leading someone along and you wouldn't be sitting in his living room talking to me after having slept with him in his bed if he were just toying with you."  

[Kitomyx]

Akira flinched, looking like he'd been slapped at the information Louis gave him. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his mouth wouldn't make a sound. So eventually he just got to his knees and leaned over to wrap his arms around Louis in a tight hug. "But...what about you?" he asked, his soft voice breaking a little when he thought about the other man's feelings.

If Louis had seen enough to know all that, including what it looked like when Andre was toying with people and the exact number and identities of all the things he'd mentioned, he was still really paying attention to the person he loved. Always watching, always pining...Akira knew all too well how that felt.

And the tears that began to overflow down his cheeks weren't just from his empathy towards Louis but also from a new realization. Even if it wasn't all a joke and somehow Andre actually decided he liked Akira for real, Akira knew he couldn't take Andre from Louis. Not like this.  

[insidiousEnigma]

Louis paused before setting his cup down so he could pat Akira's back soothingly. "He's been happy with you...I just want him to be happy." He said softly, a little surprised when he felt tears start to dampen his shoulder. "That's all I want."

He and Andre had talked about this before. There would never be anything more than this between them. He had accepted it a long time ago.

"Don't take that happiness from him...he has so few things that make him genuinely happy."  

[Kitomyx]

"But...but I can't," the silver-haired man said, startled at the choked sob his words came out in. He rarely ever cried; made a point to keep it in as much as possible even when he was alone. This was painful, though, just thinking about what Louis had been through - was going through - was worse than anything he'd felt in a long time. If it had been him, he was sure he would have broken down ages ago. He would never have had the guts to be here helping Andre after Vincent's death. Louis had incredible mental strength that Akira was sure he'd never possess. And what did he get for it?

"That's not fair to you! It's just not!" he protested, pulling away to hurriedly wipe his face on his arms. "Andre and I...we're still getting to know each other. Really. He probably wouldn't be happy once he got to know me better anyway. There's nothing interesting about me; I have no charisma or mystery to me like he has. I'm just...weak. Desperate and weak enough to cling to someone pretending to like me even if I suspect it's not true."

Akira turned around and pulled his knees up to his chest. "I don't deserve him. And even if you think I make him happy now, I'm sure I'm not the only one. Heck, we don't even know if that's the truth or not." He pushed himself up to his feet, his back still to Louis.

"Louis...when Vincent was around, I couldn't stand seeing his and Andre's sort of relationship. Vincent seemed very nice, but he was just so...blindly devoted to Andre. It just seemed so wrong to me. Like obsession, not actual love. Maybe they made each other happy, but that didn't necessarily mean it was love. It could have just been a simple exchange; give and take. I don't know if I could handle only that, but I wouldn't want to press Andre for more, either."
I'm just...weak. Desperate and weak enough to cling to someone pretending to like me even if I suspect it's not true."

He smeared more of his tears off the back of his hand. "I think I had a crush on him then, too. While he and Vincent were together. But later I shoved it aside and ignored it because it wasn't my business and I thought it was enough they were both happy." His chest heaved. "But then Vincent was gone and I didn't know what was going to happen to Andre...and I thought it would be okay...I think I became desperate enough for a bit not to even care if it was love or obsession or desperation or whatever. And...that's not right. If I'm okay with just being a plaything of his, something's seriously wrong with me, don't you think?" He put a palm to his face.

"Maybe...since he's been okay with you coming from Grande Ile to be with him since Vincent passed...maybe there's still a chance for you and him after all. It would have been cruel of him to let you be here otherwise."  

[insidiousEnigma]

Louis opened his mouth to say something but something to the right caught his attention and his mouth swiftly snapped shut. All of the pokemon too seemed to tense just a bit or scamper out of the living room. "...Andre-"

The information broker lifted a hand to stop whatever Louis had been going to say. He looked at Akira thoughtfully, really stared at the silver-haired male before sighing softly. "I'm suddenly not in the mood for cake." He said blandly, pushing off of the doorframe he'd been leaning on. "Thank you for bringing it but I apologize for any inconveniences." He straightened out the dark t-shirt he was wearing before bowing his head. "Feel free to stay and eat but I think I'll be going out."

He gave Louis a sharp look when he went to object, but it smoothed into a pleasant smile. "I promise to behave, don't worry." With that, he turned and disappeared back up the stairs to grab his things.  

[Kitomyx]

Akira's brows shot up and he felt his body become temporarily paralyzed with an overwhelming combination of emotions. When Andre finished speaking, however, he was able to move again. He glanced fretfully back at Louis before hurrying after the purple-haired man.

"Andre! Andre, wait!"