Numenore: Reloaded ~ A Numenorean RP

[Falathrim]

Arnor :: Chamber of the Seeing-stone

Tar-Vader thrust open the iron gates that selaed access to the Chamber of the Seeing-stone. Illiterates in Arnor was completely new; never before had the Arnorian Guard failed too catch their coming. What shadow could cause such a calamity? He knew not. "Counsel with the King is needed in this dark hour."

Thus the Lord Vader tore away the cloth that veiled the Seeing-stone, and he gazed into the purple crystal. "Seven Seeing-stones there are, one for each color of the rainbow," mumbled the Lord Vader. He gazed into the stone, and directed his very will to the Isle of Gift, seeking the mind of Ar-Pharazon, King of Westernesse.  

[Elainya]

The unnamed Teleri lady was still watering her seaweed garden (Seaweed needs lots of water) in her home in Arnor when she saw a dreadful sight run by. It was a girl with blonde pigtails wearing a purple bikini top and fringed shorts.

OMF**G!!!11! its an elve!!111 lololol!!111

"Dear sweet Eru! A fangirl. I've not seen the likes of them for a half an age." she cried. She ran inside her home and lit her handy grail-shaped beacon to warn the rest of the town of the immanant danger.  

[Thaxul]

*Tom made his way quickly back to the centre of the city, still on the lookout for any stray fangirls he might have missed.*

"Follow me to lLegolas!!!" *he shouted, and he heard a single screech, and he made his way towards the noise*  

[ADubiousSource]

Arnor :: A wall

Alas! The poor unfortunate man was totally oblivious to frightful goings-on around him. For he, Maglor the Mighty Squeaker had more important things to worry about! After all, he was the greatest squeaker in all the land!

He was perched atop one of the high stonewalls of Anor, the wind, softly kissing his face. As his lips moved slowly, a wonderfully deafening squeak was emitted from them, soon accompanied by a most ear-splitting screech. The sound of its beauty resonated off any hard object around him. He closed his eyes, basking in his music.

But how long can he be in this blissful state with the presence of Illiterates? Only time shall tell.  

[Falathrim]

Arnor :: Chamber of the Seeing-stone

Long did Vader stand in front of the Seeing-stone. Very long. Quite a few hours, from what I gather. Much longer than he should have, in fact. Eventually, he gave up. Contacting Tar-Calion was proving itself to be impossible.

"Stupid king being stupid and doing stupid things when he should be running a kingdom but no he's stupid and I hate him stupid," he could be heard mumbling as he descended the great stairs of the tower. "Stupid. Faithful Steward! Grab my bags, we're leaving!"  

[curumo]

Arnor :: Some Corridor

The Steward was in the corridor outside of the seeing-stone room and had definitely fallen asleep. No doubt about it.

A resting of the eyes wouldn't hurt, was the initial thought, After all, I've worked so hard, getting the Lord's bags and all.

But then a niggling doubt crept into Francis' head - what if the Lord never came out? What if he left without his Steward through the window or something? Would he do that?

And so a fitful sleep befell the Steward, filled with dreams of the absence of his Lord, replaced by fangirls and Ernest for some reason. He had always wanted Francis' position (or so the Steward imagined) and Francis admired his rather dashing looks.

But when Vader's voice broke through the dreams, Francis could have cried for joy. But a scramble to official Steward boots and grabbing of official luggage would have to suffice.

Grunting after Vader, Francis managed to inquire hesitantly and haltingly (with much huffing and puffing), "Sir? -grunt- Where are we -umf- going?" Francis thought that perspiration might be starting to form and pouted.  

[Falathrim]

Arnor :: One Hundred Point Nine Leagues Below The Sea

And lo! Tar-Vader looked out, and realized that everyone in Arnor had spontaneously turned into statues, and he was sad.

Proof Tar-Vader was sad: 3nodding

Hmm. Tar-Vader is doing the 3nod. Maybe he's not all that sad. Odd.  

[Falathrim]

The Great Sea :: One Hundred Point Nine Leagues Below The Sea

Once more, the Lord Vader saw that everyone else was as motionless as the beautifully sculpted statue of the Lady Lust. And of course he did not think of the statue of Lady Lust for no reason; let it be known that the statue was so beautiful that it made the Lord Vader sweat.

There's a reason she was called Lady Lust, Eruspammit!

Anywho, eventually, Lord Vader's submarine, the Eambar, was forced to surface. Need to fill it up with oxygen, after all. And when that happened, something horrid happened.

Lord Vader broke a nail.

"Dammit Manwe, this is all your fault!" screamed the Dark Lord of the Sith.  

[Nimbrethil]

Spam Dum :: A Pretty Little Gingerbread House

Martha, Queen of the Fangirls, was cickling with glee in her most favourite and deranged manner.

The contractor had finally finished the garage roof on her Evil Abode. It was pink. It was icing. It was absolutely, devastatingly, useless. But dammit, a gingerbread house just isn't fit for a Queen without a garage of some kind.

She halted mid-cickle suddenly. What if it rains? She thought, horrified.  

[Glorfirith Annun]

Galadhremmen :: Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin's Vanity

The Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin gazed into her mirror with an awed look in her eyes. "I am certainly a Pretty Pretty Princess!" exclaimed the Elvenqueen.

A handmaiden looked up, and smiled. "Aye, my Queen. The glitter makes you the Prettiest Pretty Pretty Princess of them all! Even prettier than Iluvatar the Pretty Pretty Princess! I, Legolas, your handmaiden, do attest to this with all my heart"

The two of them then began laughing into their hands. "Oh, hohohohoho!"

Suddenly, the Elvenking (who no one likes and Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin usually keeps locked in the dungeons far below Galadhremmen) burst in. "Honey, what about the costume ball that the Numenore-king invited you to?" There was nary an answer. Rather, the Elvenking was siezed and thrown into the Great Sea without much ceremony.

And there was much rejoicing.  

[Falathrim]

Eambar :: Surface of the Great Sea

As the Eambar was filled anew with that precious, precious element known as oxygen, the Lord Vader pondered. "I spent seven hours in front of that Eruspammed Seeing-stone tower, waiting for Tar-Calion to answer the Eruspammed phone. He never did."

His ponderings continued. "In fact, he never does anything. The fact that he managed to get a costume ball organized can likely be attributed to Counselor Palpatine more than anyone else."

A random henchman nodded in agreement. "Yes; after all, was the signature not in Palpatine's handwriting, rather than the king's?"

Vader swiped the invitation from the conveniently nearby desk drawer. Grabbing his monocle, he studied the document with astute care. "By George, you're right, Random Henchman!"

"Yay!"

Vader kicked Random Henchman in the head. "Not 'Yay!' you bloody idiot; this simply proves that Counselor Palpatine is controlling Tar-Calion from behind the throne! Something must be done! Set course for Numenor at once!"

And thus Eambar set its course for Numenor. Even if that's the course that had been set days ago. And meanwhile, Random Henchman wondered how Palpatine's signature in any way proved a conspiracy.  

[curumo]

Spam Dum -- The Gingerbread House

Gary sat in the back of a ministry van, awaiting his arrival at wherever they had decided to send him this time. Gary sat bolt upright, ignoring the many bumps on this unsafe and highly irregular road. Why, the many trees bordering this road were a safety hazard on their own!

Finally, the van stopped and Gary got out. He stood, surveying his surroundings, almost forgetting to close the door of the official Ministry of Housinge van. He was in a pleasant wood, riddled with potential disasters.

And then he saw it. The house was pink. The house was made of food. Food that would potentially collapse at the first sign of even a trickle. The foundation was poor and the garage lopsided. The walls were barely held together! Not to mention that gingerbread houses were simply not possible. They quite blatantly violated the Materials Code, section 2, which clearly states that any abode constructed with or coated in a food product of any kind must be no larger than 3 feet in height and must not be used for the purpose of dwelling in.

The owner of this "house" was in for a stern talking to, and most certainly would be assigned a fine of some kind.

Straightening his bowtie and his official Ministry of Housinge nametag and adjusting his glasses, he walked purposefully to what he presumed was the door of this atrocity and knocked, putting his monogrammed handkerchief over his fist.  

[Falathrim]

Eambar :: Approaching Numenor

Five days after setting course for Numenor, Vader had a startling revelation. "Ai, ai! We cannot overthrow the corrupt Counselor Palpatine with only this small submarine's crew! Random Henchman, set course for Lindon!"

Random Henchman glared malevolently at Lord Vader. "But we are only five minutes from Romenna, the eastern port of Numenor... making Lindon five days away."

Vader threw his fanny pack with fabulous party accessories at Random Henchman. "Thou fool. We cannot save the King from Counselor Palpatine's evil grip without Elven reinforcements. We must implore aid from the Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin, or else we should all perish! Remember, Random Henchman: I am the Literate of Literates, and my counsels are supreme. Now go! Go now, and set our course for Lindon!"

Random Henchman mumbled for a bit, gazed at Numenor through the periscope, and then changed course.

Vader, meanwhile, decided to walk in Eambar's Imperial Garden. Yes, submarines can have Imperial Gardens! They can! Vader likes his shruberries, Eruspammit!  

[Nimbrethil]

Spam Dum :: A Pretty Little Gingerbread House

Martha was busy drafting chapter outlines for her latest book, Fangirlism and You: a Beginner's Guide to Misspelling, Screaming, and More when she was rudely interrupted by an efficient knock on her door.

She hoped it was more Girl Guides selling cookies. Girl Guides satisfied her Evil urge to kick things quite nicely.

She opened the door and was confronted by a regulation-sized clipboard attached to an official-looking man. She put on her best scowl.

"Who dares disturb -- wait, does that van say 'Ministry of Housinge'?"  

[curumo]

Eambar

Francis was in a strawberry field where the air smelled of bubblegum and tasted of the sweetest candy. Standing up and looking behind would give Francis a full view of a lemon gumdrop tree and mountains that sparkled with what could only be sugar. What flowed down from these mountains was questionable, but judging from the way it flowed, a chocolate of the best quality meandered its way through the valley of lollipops.

Then, just as happiness had descended upon the Steward, a great cloud drifted in front of the sun, and all of the land's beauty was blocked from sight. It then entered into Francis' mind that perhaps it wasn't a cloud in the sun, but a cloud of the brain.

The next things that the Steward viewed and felt were the leafy green leaves of a shrubbery, and a cold and hard ground over which Francis' was painfully lying.

Where am I? was Francis' first thought, then, I don't know how I am. Wait, that makes no sense. I am Francis the Faithful. And I am Steward to Lord Vader. I don't know where I am and why I am here. These are the only problems.

Vader's footfalls were unmistakeable things, and Francis could never forget them. Vader's presense was promising. He might have answers. Francis sprung into action, scanning the area for his Lord. Spotting him, the Steward moved hastily to approach him.

"My Lord!" Francis began with an uncomfortable flourish, "I have somehow found myself here and I do not know how or why or where I am. I have been through much, but remember little. If you will allow me, I will recount my tale to you."

Not waiting for Vader to give him permission, Francis continued, "I was in a wonderful land where the trees grew gumdrops and the rivers flowed lazily with the richest chocolate. The air was abuzz and tasted sweet. This was strange in itself, but what was to come was stranger. I seemed to fall and lose myself. A profound truth and the meaning of existence was revealed to me as I was awash in overwhelming love and compassion...

And then I woke up here. And I think there's a bug in my teeth." Francis frowned.