[FIN] Aftershocks

[Suudonym]

He shook his head again, more emphatically this time, a look of frustration on the face he finally turned to her, "If something happened because you left, it wouldn't have been unnecessary. If my injury means your safety, there is nothing unnecessary about it."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"And if I would have left and you were hurt I wouldn't be able to forgive myself!"
her eyes widened a little when he looked at her, her voice was firm but she had a concerned look on her face. she paused taking a shaking breath before continuing.

"We're in this, this is the kind of thing we're going to have to face, and we can't help each other if you keep telling everyone to leave. WE are necessary, all of us- you, me. Everyone together, not just you alone against everything. I don't want to get hurt but I am not going to leave you. Ever." She ended with an emphasis "Not protecting each other, That is unnecessary."  

[Suudonym]

"Well maybe I couldn't forgive myself either!" he said - shouted, and though he winced from the force of his own tone, he made no effort to lower it. "I don't want to be protected, I don't want to be safe if it's going to put someone else in danger! I don't want people to get hurt because of me! I don't want anyone to die because of me! I'm tired of everything being my fault!" His posture compressed slightly, his breath shallowing in compensation for the expression of anger. He'd been given pain suppressants, certainly, but they had come with an instruction for rest that he apparently didn't intend to follow.  

[Blood_Goddess]

The volume of his voice made her wince as well, shoulders tensing with the volume and the uncomfortable emotion of it, but she listened to every word.
He had a broken rib, and she knew that yelling was not the best idea for that kind of injury.
She held a hand up gently, almost cautiously with a gesture to hopefully calm him down.
"What are we supposed to do?" She asked, at a complete loss "Why are you blaming yourself?"  

[Suudonym]

Her first question was one that he didn't know how to respond to - it was likely that a proper response didn't exist, given the contradiction of his sentiments - but the answer to her second seemed so obvious that he spared a humorless laugh in reply. "Who else would I blame? The convention, if I'd just told them about Asch in the first place then the whole panic never would have happened. The Kanto competition, I should have told you about Faleen some other time. After that, all I accomplished by trying to go home was hurting you. I failed trying to help Sera feel any better, I caused everyone trouble after returning from Grande Ile, I forced Asch's death, I probably caused Mother's illness too--" The speed of his thoughts exceeded his voice, and his breath caught, stopping the self-depreciating spiral before it could go any further. Instead, he started at his conclusion, "I'm this worthless, screw-up, garbage of a person, and you're talking about putting yourself in harm's way for my sake? Every broken bone in a lifetime couldn't match what I deserve for the things I've caused."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She shook her head still keeping her hand out, and taking a step forward
"Stop tearing yourself down, you don't deserve it, as much as you think you do you don't, so stop telling yourself that you're a worthless person, becasue you're not, I know you're not.
What good is it going to do anyone if you keep doing this to yourself? What are you going to gain if you keep doing this? Just this endless anger and endless guilt all this negativity toward yourself, its going to drag you down, while everyone around you if just trying to keep holding you up, becasue we know better, and all we want is for you to see what we see in you, What I see in you, but you need to start looking past your mistakes and the actions of other people who affected you're life, they're not you're fault! And they can't matter anymore even if you feel they are, they're done! and you need to move on."  

[Suudonym]

He appeared physically wounded by her words, and though he quieted, there was a darkness to his demeanor. "Sorry I'm such a troublesome person," he said, his eyes locked downward as he took a step in retreat. "I'll go. Will you take Anastasia to Sera?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

He didn't take it well at all, it wasn't hard to see. It was at this point that she felt a deep sense of desperation and regret, though she had no idea what else to do. Her body reacted for her as her feelings just spiraled into a lost state. she reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could take another step.
"N no."  

[Suudonym]

He pulled back slightly but not with enough conviction to break away, green eyes remaining aside.  

[Blood_Goddess]

"I'm sorry." She said. "I just... I didn't mean any harm. what I said I just..."  

[Suudonym]

"It's fine," he replied, the words deadened. "It was just the truth."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Then why do you look like I just said something cruel, why do I feel like I said something horrible to you? Why are you leaving?" She asked, her tone growing more hopeless. "What am I supposed to to do!?"  

[Suudonym]

"It was nothing cruel, just things I hadn't thought about," he assured, though it was too simple a feat to discern the hurt in his disposition. "I don't know. I'm sorry. I just want to go home for now."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She held on for a few more seconds, before her hand fell from him, and moved instead to her down turned face.
trying to go over what she had said to him again, figure out what she was doing wrong. Why she could never do the right thing by him, she was having a hard time recalling anything at the moment however, her heart pounding so hard against her chest it was causing the ache in her side to flare up, and the sting in her eyes.
"I'm trying, so hard. I want you to be happy again."  

[Suudonym]

Dim eyes turned to her in a temporary silence, a hand reflexively raising to rest lightly and briefly against the one that she brought to her face. The smile in his features was fleeting but distinct, "I don't know what I ever did to have someone like you trying so hard for someone like me." His hand withdrew, his expression fading to somber neutrality. "Don't worry about me. Don't let me trouble you. Don't let me be such a bother. I'd be happy with that."