[FIN] Scars of the Past

[BlackFireKitsune]

"And the same for you," he said as he rested his cheek on the other man's hair. This was just so nice, so comfortable... When had he ever had this before? He'd been comfortable with Molly but not like this, and never with any of the things he'd done. Had he ever even told her that he'd killed Amelia's kidnapper? He was pretty sure he hadn't.

Abel hummed a little as he kissed Zevran's hair after receiving another kiss. "It is, isn't it? But I can understand that, really; paying attention to your feelings and emotions probably wasn't... encouraged there, was it?" It probably wasn't, but that was okay; it was never too late to start, and he'd be there to help whenever he was needed, or even if he wasn't.  

[TawnyAngel]

Zevran hummed contentedly as Abel's cheek came to rest on his hair, the things they were discussing were heavy indeed but this closeness made it all seem a little better. They weren't alone, they had one another and understood things about one another that other people could not.

"Indeed not," he said in reply to Abel's query with a soft huff of dry amusement and a gentle squeeze for his friend to show that he wasn't distressed by it. "If we sat around thinking about our feelings we wouldn't have got anything done, we might have rebelled or tried to escape. I suppose it was easy for them to teach us not to by rewarding some behaviours and punishing others, it became quite normal to us and then we reinforced it among ourselves. But," he kissed Abel's neck, "no longer." It would take time to figure it all out but he thought that it would be worth the effort; at the very least he needed to work out what it was that he felt for Abel.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Well that wouldn't do at all, would it?" He retorted with a brief, dry chuckle. No, the masters - or whatever they were called - would almost assuredly dislike that. Probably a great deal, especially since it was the sort of organization you couldn't just leave. ...they wouldn't find Zevran, would they? No, probably not; he wasn't sure but he figured his friend had been quite careful when he escaped, and though he didn't know how far Thedas was from Kodo, there were a large number of different regions or islands he could've gone to. No, the odds of them finding him again were low. Abel's hand drifted over his friend's back, idly running his fingers over the various scars and marks scattered across his skin, but when they brushed against the burn scars Zev had told him about, his actions grew less absent and more deliberate as he smoothed his hand over them. "Mmh," he hummed low in his throat, pleased at the kiss, and his eyelids slid shut as he pressed a kiss to Zev's hair again. "No, no longer. Not here."

And not with me, he nearly said, but instead he merely kissed the shorter man's hair again.  

[TawnyAngel]

"Indeed not! It would be quite terribly inefficient," Zevran replied, and then he sighed softly in contentment and closed his eyes as Abel caressed his scarred back and kissed his hair. "But I like the inefficiency of this new life I have found, and I like you. Being with you... I am never happier. You are a great deal of fun you know." Fun; yes, he was, but that wasn't even half of it or even close. What the great majority of it was though was one of those things he needed to think about in detail.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Zevran's words filled his heart with a sudden warmth that brought a bright, rather goofy smile to his face; he promptly hid it in his friend's hair. "I... feel the same way," he admitted in somewhat muffled tones as he held the shorter blond closer, tightening his embrace a little. "You just..." After floundering for the right words for a few moments he gave up and said instead, "I like you too -- quite a bit, actually. You've been such a good friend to me - one of the best, really - have I told you that before? Because it's true. And I'm glad that I can be here for you... and with you."  

[TawnyAngel]

Whatever he was feeling was more than friendship or rather it was friendship and something else, and Abel felt the same and that made him feel.... Several things; warm things, and tingling things, and it made him grin stupidly, and made him feel as light as air. "I ah... I don't think so. I am glad to hear it and I feel the same too. I never knew that I could be this happy." He was being ridiculous, he felt ridiculous and awkward, and he didn't care because he was also ridiculously happy.

He didn't want this to end.

"Ah... so...." Should he say this or not? He had noticed that Abel... well sometimes Abel perhaps didn't ask him things, perhaps because he was worried he would say yes just because he was used to saying yes. Taking the initiative with anything important was difficult but would it happen if he didn't?

"So," Zevran began again after a rather long pause, "we have a couple of dates planned now yes?" He snuggled more securely against Abel and kissed his neck again. "So does that mean we are... dating? As in the continual state, not only individual evenings."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

His broad, goofy grin remained as he gave his friend another squeeze. "I'm glad you're so happy." Did he make his friend this happy? He hoped so. He really hoped so.

Abel was content to just lie there with the other man in his arms, enjoying his presence, the contact, the warmth, the everything... But then Zevran started to speak before stopping himself, presumably to think his way through what he wanted to say, so Abel remained quiet as he waited patiently for the other man to finish whatever it was. He didn't mind waiting as long as it took.

Which was a little bit, but not that long. "Mmh," the taller blond hummed softly in affirmation at the question. They did have a couple more dates planned now, and it made him so happy, happier than he'd ever thought it would, and he couldn't wait--

"That's--" His breath stuck in his throat as the question caught him off-guard, and suddenly his heart started racing, his grip on his friend tightened a bit as he started feeling so many things all at once; shock, disbelief, worry, excitement, uncertainty, happiness, hopefulness, curiosity and so many others. Joy warmed his heart considerably, lifting his spirits and making him feel like he was floating on a cloud, while his mind raised so many red flags and warnings, and he felt as if he'd split in half with how hard each pulled him in the opposite direction. In his mind he could see himself standing at the edge of a precipice; behind him stretched a long, lonely road of solitude - safe and familiar - while before him a cavern yawned open, in the depths of which he very well could find something more amazing than anything he'd ever had or experienced... or something more terrible than he'd ever known. It was different and new and unknown, a path he'd never traveled but enticed him all the same; his heart wanted him to fall into it, while his mind tried to pull him back towards the familiar road he'd walked alone for so long. It was an awkward, worrying feeling he'd felt before but never had it felt so acute, so pronounced as it did now, and he wasn't sure what to do.

Even though he already knew what he wanted to do.

"You..." Abel licked his suddenly dry lips but it didn't help much, his voice and demeanor betraying the swirling amalgamation of emotions he felt, though hopeful disbelief crept further than the rest. "Do you... do you want to be?" Zevran wanted to date him? Zevran wanted to date him? Was he sure? Him, of all people?  

[TawnyAngel]

Waiting for an answer was agonizing and with every second that passed he began to regret asking more and more. Why had he done that? They had been having fun but he'd had to go and make it serious when he didn't know the first thing about relationships like this. It had probably been too soon, or maybe it would never have been the right time; Abel liked him and they had fun and he knew his friend cared for him but he probably wasn't what he wanted in a proper relationship and....

And at least Abel spoke, the uncertainty in his voice surprised Zevran and he pulled back so that he could meet his gaze. He looked disbelieving, he sounded confused... but he hadn't said no and he didn't sound as though he disliked the idea, not at all.

Zevran smiled hesitantly and reached out to take Abel's hands. "I... must admit I am not experienced in dating but- oh but you already knew that of course. Ah-ha." Of course Abel knew that, he'd told him as much! Zevran shook his head at himself; where had his way with words gone to? Abel did this to him a lot, sometimes just by existing. "Let me start again," he squeezed Abel's hands and smiled again. "I do want to be. I have no experience of dating but I would like to get some with you... if you would like that also?" He might still say no.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

And then he was staring up at his friend with that same look of uncertainty, of hopefulness, of disbelief because he really wanted to--?

Abel squeezed the hands that took his both because he wanted to and because it helped ground him. He shouldn't. He really shouldn't, because one of them could get hurt somehow, what if one of them had to leave the island, what if one of them disappeared, what if---

What if it worked out?

What if nothing bad happened?

What if something bad happened and instead of running away, they dealt with it together? They'd shared with each other, had tried to help one another as best they could with anything they needed help with... Why shouldn't they do the same in the future?

"I..." His fingers flexed in his friend's hands as the whirlwind of emotions slowly slipped away from his face, from his voice, and after another few silent moments he pulled Zevran's hands close to press a soft, gentle kiss on each. "I've... never had a boyfriend before," he admitted, a small, shy smile slowly working its way into his expression, "but you knew that already too. I think I... I think I'd like that." Uncertainty had tinged his tones again but it vanished completely, replaced instead by a rapidly growing warmth and furtive happiness, "Yes, I think I'd like that very much."  

[TawnyAngel]

He could still say no but Zevran was increasingly beginning to suspect that he wouldn't and the thought of it widened his hesitant smile to a grin, still a hesitant one but a grin all the same.

And then Abel kissed his hands and said what he said and Zevran couldn't help but laugh as his grin brightened. "A first for us both then! I... do not really know what else to say." And so, for a lack of words, Zevran leant up for a kiss.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

In his mind's eye he saw himself turn to stare at that long, lonely road he'd walked for so long... then spread his arms out before falling backwards into the inviting depths below, happily tumbling into its warm embrace.

"Good thing you don't have to say anything if you can't think of anything," the taller blond said probably a little happier than he should've, but he couldn't help it; his heart felt like it was soaring, he felt so happy, happier than he'd been in months - years, even - and it just was such an all-encompassing feeling of warmth and joy that he didn't know what to do to let it out except grin quite stupidly. But then Zevran leaned in for a kiss; Abel's hand gladly reached up to brush his cheek, to slide his fingers into the fine blond hair, to hold him gently as he happily returned the kiss.

When they parted again Abel smiled brightly, broadly, and rested his forehead against his -- his boyfriend's. His smile promptly widened to a grin again. "I like having firsts with you," he admitted, his thumb idly tracing the curve of Zev's ear. "It's really nice."  

[TawnyAngel]

The kiss was heady and he felt suddenly alive in a way that he was unfamiliar with or had been unfamiliar with until quite recently but this was better than ever. He had known the alive feeling of passionate encounters or running over rooftops never quite sure if he would reach the next one but this was different, a feeling of the soul not of the body. Abel had said yes, he wanted something more than friendship and ********; both were very nice but more was.... Intimidating, thrilling, alien, and he wanted to grasp it tight and never let go.

He didn't know where this choice would take them but that was alright, he'd never been one for making plans anyway.

When they parted Zevran leant his brow against Abel's with a foolish grin lighting up his tattooed features. "I like having firsts with you too, all of them have been quite wonderful so far." They were dating. He was dating somebody. He was dating Abel. s**t, how had he been lucky enough to fall into this? "My face hurts from smiling," Zevran reported with a laugh.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"They have," he agreed quite happily, wide grin still in place, "though I think this one's my favorite so far... though I have to say our New Year's date is a close second. And mine does too," he added after a moment as he laughed as well. The laughter faded away, but a few moments later it came back with a vengeance, bubbling up out of his throat as he shifted to nestle his face in the curve of Zevran's neck. He was so happy and it made him feel alive suddenly, more than he had in who knew how long; it was thrilling and wonderful and slightly worrying and absolutely amazing, everything felt so perfect and great and exciting. Energy surged through his veins and left a tingling feeling in all of his nerves, made him want to sweep Zev off his feet to dance, to drag him out to go play in the snowy park again, to do all manner of wonderfully inappropriate things and so much more that he couldn't even think of.

Instead he pressed his lips against the soft skin of Zevran's neck in a kiss. "You know, when I woke up this morning I wasn't expecting to have a boyfriend before noon. Before we've had coffee, even," he added with another bright laugh. Everything was wonderful, this was wonderful -- Zevran was wonderful. How had he gotten so lucky?  

[TawnyAngel]

Boyfriend. Wow. He hadn't thought of it like that but... well that was what dating was, and Abel had in fact said it just a few moments ago but it had only just now sunk in. Boyfriend.

Feeling giddy and silly and too light and wonderful to explain Zevran pulled Abel into a tight embrace and snuggled his face into the curve where Abel's neck met his shoulder. "Oh well you know I am not one for thinking things through or taking my time. I am an impulsive creature, not at all concerned by the times of day I do things. Of course I am only made more impulsive by thinking of my wonderful boyfriend." The word felt strange on his tongue and he laughed again at himself, just saying the word made him happy and how silly was that? "This is my favourite too."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Zevran's sudden, tight embrace and his lighthearted words pulled another bright laugh out of Abel. One hand reached up to tangle fingers into his boyfriend's fine blond hair while the other curved around the other man's shoulder to hold him so close, so tight, and Abel grinned broadly into his neck. Hearing Zevran calling him his boyfriend - his - made his heart skip a beat. Perhaps a few; it felt like it was performing some sort of acrobatic, at least. When was the last time he'd opened his heart, had laid it bare before giving it to another person? Not since Molly, not since she left him and he vowed never to do it again. It had felt like so long ago now... and he was so happy he'd done it again despite promising himself he wouldn't.

Abel laughed again. "You are all of those things, and I think you're perfect just the way you are. Perfectly adorable," he added happily as he pressed another kiss to Zevran's neck. And then he inhaled deeply, debated what he wanted to say next, then idly ran his thumb over Zev's shoulder. His almost impossibly bright demeanor dimmed to a happy glow as hints of shyness tinged his voice. "Your boyfriend, hm? Well," once more he kissed the other blond's neck before continuing, "I guess that means I'm all yours then." And he could not have been happier with that fact.