Things Resident Evil characters would NEVER say

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Licker: Give me some sugar, baby!  

[Hanibal Rex]

Heres a few:
Barry: Watch out Jill! theres Gerbils in the meatlocker!

Nemesis: STAAARZZ!
Jill: SHUT THE F*CK UP, NEMESIS!!!

Ashley: Leon! HAAAAALP!!!
Leon: You know what? F*CK IT! You can F*ckin' have Ashley!

Leon: How did you get here so fast?
Merchant: Well, there was this one chick who sold me this weird lookin' portal gun...

Barry: THE JILL SANDWICH IS A LIE!!!

chief Irons: Hey! Someone stole my chips! THIS WHOLE F*CKING CITY'S GOING TO BURN!!!!

Tofu: What the f*ck!?! why the hell am I a freakin' block of Tofu!?!?!

Leon: So what do you spend my hard killed pestas on anyways?
Merchant: Anime. Particularly Deathnote.
Leon: Noice!

Steve: lol OmG!!! ur L3ik S00 UUbEr hawT!
Claire: *Points Gun* BLAM!!!

Leon: and who the hell are you?
G Man: Oh s**t, wrong game!
Leon: riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.....*Shoots*

Claire: I look for you in a zombie infested city, fight my way out of untold horrors, deal with some freaking little brat who tipped my OCC Chopper over, head all the way over to France and get arrested, and sent to some f*cking island where I had to deal with an idiotic t**t emo b*****d and f*cking insane twins, and the same s**t back at Racoon city, so enlighten me when i ask: WHERE THE F*CK WERE YOU CHRIS!?!?!

Leon: Jack Thompson, SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!!!

Luis: I have one very important question for you: Can you dig it?
Leon: got gu...wait, what?!?!

Forgive the Half Life 2 references. This one's been playing it too much (headcrab zombies burn good...)  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

I wanna see Leon meet up with HUNK....
HUNK: Leon. Do you know what happened to your father?

Leon: Ben told me YOU killed him!

HUNK: No. Leon, I am your father!

Leon: Nooooo!!!!  

[UmbraGallus]

^ One of the best captions i've seen around here. XD  

[Vinessa_Valentine]

*Nemesis sits on the roof of R.P.D., looking at the sky*

"C l o u d s . . ."  

[someguyontheinternet]

hunk bumps into some main charcter from RE

Hunk: oh hey your im hunk or you can call me by my nick name mr.death, anyways let me tell you about my whole back story of my life..BLAAARG!

he then dies of a heart attack...guess we will never really know much about him  

[someguyontheinternet]

Forest: man i love crows theyre so cool..oh look theyre some flying right at me awsome  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

In Forest's case, it was kind of ironic that he was killed by the crow, instead of being revived by one.  

[Canas Renvall]

Forest: Yeah, more or less, Alfred Hitchcock is my b***h.  

[UmbraGallus]

Barry: I hope this isn't Chris's Bass....  

[Vinessa_Valentine]

Wesker: Alright guys, lets go and blow this investigation wide open!-then do the necessary paper work.  

[UmbraGallus]

Barry: Some enemies' attacks release a special power. If you block them with the gauntlet, you can gather that power.

Jill:...What gauntlet???

Barry: Um...  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Barry: A can of fizz, this oughta yellow and mellow those things. It's yours, hopefully you won't have to use it.

Jill: But what about you?

Barry grabbing his crotch: Oh, don't worry. I like the buddy system we have here.  

[Vinessa_Valentine]

Chris: Snoochie boochies!

*Barry simply stands behind him and nods*  

[Wesker Chic]

Wesker: I've seen the light, my evil ways have brought me nothing but heartache and ruin...I REPENT!

(in the background Chris passes out from shock)

Leon: Ada you go on ahead...