Things Resident Evil characters would NEVER say

[Vinessa_Valentine]

Anyone who ever found themselves about to walk into a trap in the series: "Shhh... my common sense is tingling!"  

[UmbraGallus]

*Jill is fixing to be crushed*: BARRY WESKER HELP!!!

Barry *outside of the door eating a sandwich*: Mmm....Jill Sandwich... :T  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Jill *as above*: Wesker! Barry! Help!!!

Chris, outside the door: Well, if you don't want MY help, I guess I'm just not gonna help you! Hmmph!  

[Vinessa_Valentine]

Marcus: Eureka!
Spencer: What!? Did you make a breakthrough with the virus!?
Marcus: No... I just saved a bundle by switching my auto insurance to Geico!
Spencer: Oh... cause Alfred's prodigy was able to customize her CapitalOne credit card how she wanted.  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Steve: Claire. I love you like my own mother.
Claire: But... You tried to kiss me!
Steve: Hey, Ashford isn't the ONLY messed up family around here!  

[NotteRequiem]

((^ Good one, Bio!))

HUNK: ...... ******** this game!!
Tofu: God, you're such a crybaby.  

[RoninFox]

Nemesis: I just wanted a hug... crying  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Irons: That's the Mayor's daughter. I was told to look after her, but I failed miserably. Just look at her. She was a true beauty. Her skin nothing short of perfection. I'd like to eat her liver with some far var beans and a nice bottle of Chianti!  

[Wesker Chic]

Chris: ******** it! I quit!

Claire: Screw you Sherry, I'm leaving without finding the damn antidote...you were a pain in the a** anyway!

(I actually tried doing that...the game wouldn't let me...)  

[Vinessa_Valentine]

Wesker: You know... after so many years of gathering Umbrella virus samples... my collection is finished. S-so... what do I do now? *Sighs and begins to browse eBay for Beanie Babies*  

[NotteRequiem]

Vinessa_Valentine

Wesker: You know... after so many years of gathering Umbrella virus samples... my collection is finished. S-so... what do I do now? *Sighs and begins to browse eBay for Beanie Babies*

xd I heart you  

[Kumacakes]

MoMo says :

Chris : i don't wanna fight . its hard

 

[Celestial Fox Frenzi]

Alright, imagine a south park setting, Chris, Jill, Berry, and wesker standing at the entrance of the mansion.

Berry: Woah... where are we?
Wesker: Well, it looks big enough to be your stomache Fat boy.
Berry: Hey! Don't call me fat you ******** Blind d***o!
Wesker: These are for looks fat a**!!
Chris: Can you two stop? Listen, those ******** dogs killed Joseph!
Jill: Yeah, and chicken s**t left us here, so I think we should take some time to find out who lives here and call for help.
Berry: Alright fine, better than standing around with you d**k wads...

More southpark style funnies coming up later!  

[Alkaizer87]

Ashley: Leon I have to tell you something.
Leon: What is it this time?
Ashley: I'm...I'm teen pregnant.
Leon: What?! When? Who?!
Ashley: At the ritual with Salazar.
Leon: No! Salazar you two timing b*****d, I trusted you.  

[Canas Renvall]

Mikami: Resident Evil as it is... man, what a load of s**t.

Oh wait.