Numenore: Reloaded ~ A Numenorean RP

[curumo]

Spam Dum :: The Unsafe and Grossly Illegal Cottage

Gary stood his ground and showed the woman his badge.

"That is, indeed, one of the official Ministry of Housinge vehicles. That is not the topic of discussion that I travelled here to speak about, however. I have come to see the owner of this abomination of an abode."

Gary could not imagine anyone else living here, so he continued, assuming that this woman was the sole occupant, "I regret to inform you that this house is in violation of numerous MoH codes and safety regulations."

Out of his peripheral vision, Gary spotted a small black cat wandering by and he sniffed in disgust. "And is that cat licensed?"  

[Falathrim]

Eambar Imperial Gardens:: Approaching Numenor Lindon

Faithful Steward's marvelous, if not also uncomfortable flourish shocked the Dark Lord of the Sith, who had been interested only in a peaceful waltz through the submarine's beautiful Imperial Gardens, with its shrubberies and chipmunks and foxes and trees and ferns and oxen and sloths and breakfast cereals and statues of Lust and...

Nonetheless, Lord Vader listened intently to Faithful Steward's story, as all good lord's unwillingly do. And when the tale of lollipops and gumdrops was finished, the Lord Vader composed himself and offered his most sage advice. "Faithful Steward," said the armored Lord, "that made no sense at all. And there is not a bug in your teeth.

"Five, actually. I will have to spray the Imperial Gardens with pesticides, I see...

"But it matters not. Ill-tidings have reached me. But that must wait, for at the moment I must know! Yes, know this I must: Why the Udun were you using my prized three-tiered shrubbery, with its beautiful path down the middle, as a bed?"  

[curumo]

Eambar

Francis was stricken with sadness and grief for the lack of remembrance. It could be the distant or not so distant future, for all he knew. Perhaps robots or robot-like creature roamed Arda now, and he had slept through a massive apocalypse of some sort.

"Why, if only I was granted such knowledge, I would be a happier person! I possibly fell down a flight of stairs or something. Under a shrubbery. I do not know how I came to be here, but the reason can only be to serve you. Or the robot masters that may or may not rule all."

Francis bowed again.

"What ill-tidings do you speak of, Lord? My story is not as important as those of the land."  

[Falathrim]

Eambar Imperial Gardens:: Approaching Lindon

"I am glad you asked, Faithful Steward!" said the Lord Vader in his I-shall-now-begin-a-long-sermon tone of voice. "Faithful Steward, thou may hath wondered where we are currently located; and this I tell you: we are but ten miles or furlongs or whatever measurement we Numenoreans use from the coast of Numenor. Yet I should declare that Numenor is no longer our destination!

"Nay; for I have ordered Random Henchman to turn to Lindon. In that place I shall bow before the Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin, and beg that High Elven lady render me aid in a quest that I deem most crucial. For you see, Faithful Steward, it hath come to my attention that a sinister plot is a'brewin' in Armenelos! A sinister plot so sinister that it's sinisterness shall make your sinuses ache in sinister pain!

"Hear now my story, Faithful Steward! For a great long while, I hath been concerned with Tar-Calion, or Ar-Pharazon in our Adunaic tongue. You see, Faithful Steward, not once has he posted in this RP, and that is a dreadful realization to realize! For what is Numenor without its King; a King of the high and noble Line of Elros! Nay; do not speak, for I shall tell you! Numenor without a King, a King of the Line of Elros, is a Numenor Downfallen! And that is something in which we simply cannot abide!

"Surely, Faithful Steward, you wonder of what it is that I speak. Know thee now that the Counselor Palpatine has secretly seized the Sceptre of Armenelos! Gasp, you say, and indeed you do say it with good reason! For Counselor Palpatine was beloved by all Men of Westernesse, and none suspected that he was actually Darth Sidious; except for just about everybody who saw the first three movies. And that, Faithful Steward, is everyone! Except, perhaps, the same freaks who have never gazed upon the Holy Grail of the Lord Python; but they are underserving of their lordly lineage. In this, I am sure you agree.

"But I digress! You see, Faithful Steward, there is a Shadow cast upon Numenor, and it can only be cast aside with a great strength of arms, provided to us by the Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin and her High Elven High Elves. Do you understand this counsel? Indeed; we arm for battle, and if need be, a coup d'etat!"

And finally he shut up. For a second.

"...did you need me to repeat any of that? Because I can."  

[Glorfirith Annun]

Galadhremmen - Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin's Castle

Now that Elvenqueen Daerorchalmeluirin thought herself the most prettiest pretty pretty princess ever, she decided to take a short stroll around her moat.

She clapped her hands twice and three scantilly clad male Elf servants came foward and bowed at her feet. More than once they glanced up with a look of something along the lines of distaste at the Elvenqueen's attire. However, this the Elvenqueen classed as positive attention and began flirting shamelessly with her scantilly clad male Elf servants.

"Oops!" She cried out in dismay as she dropped her sparkly hankie and giggled as one of her scantilly clad male Elf servant's behind came into view when his buttflap lifted as he bent over to retrieve the hankie for her.

"Come now my scantilly clad male Elf servants! I would like to go for a short stroll around my moat!" At this they ran off and brought curtained carrier and made themselves into Elven steps as she stepped gracefully onto their backs and gracefully sat in the carrier.

"I am ready! Let's go!" and with that the three scantilly clad male Elf servants picked up the curtained carrier and carried their Great Superior Sweet Queen Elven Queen out of the castle to circle her moat.  

[Nimbrethil]

Spam Dum :: The Only House David Salo Calls "Pretty Freaking Cool"

Martha scowled and adjusted her Really Really Evil And Pretty Pointy Queen Fangirl Tiara of Stupefying Doom.

Dammit, she thought to no one in particular. DammitstupidargHousinge!

"This house? Unsafe?" Changing tactics, Martha put on her most charming smile, which happened to be a horrifying grimace, and giggled her most disarming giggle, which happened to be a deafening banshee wail of death.

"You know what's really unsafe?" She continued, "is that Meneltarma dealie over on Numenor. Not only is it not properly lit, but I hear they didn't even bother to install handrails."

Martha paused to allow that to chill the bureaucrat's tiny little heart.

"Oh, and I hear Frances the Steward is giving away free moonshine and maybe if you hurry you can still get some!" She added for good measure, dislodging a few gumdrops as she quickly slammed the door closed.