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One more for you guys. I promise I'll add downloadable content.

Strawberry Cupcake: Because Shortcake is not RK-OWnAGE

Sauvie was enjoying a delicious cupcake one day. He loves cupcakes, but not shortcake. He also enjoys a good Chunky Soup on occasion. Sauvie also enjoys Dixie Kong, Samus Aran (but not her new games), and hating on Masahiro Sakurai for not putting Dixie Kong into Brawl, even though she would be, like, the stupidest character ever. Actually, he complains when Dixie Kong isn't in any game, which is the main reason he dislikes Metroid Prime and Mario Galaxy.

One day, Sauvie's mother cautiously came into his room. He eyed her angrily, she KNEW he didn't like when she came into his room unless she had some goddamn french fries or was dressed as Dixie Kong.

“Mark” she said, with fear in her voice “We...we are out of food, and.. and I was wondering if you could walk..”

The minute she uttered that word, Mark exploded. It was like a giant pear shaped jell-o mold just danced with PURE FURY.

“You know how I feel about walking.” He bachelloed (which is a word like “bellowed” only more INTENSE, and more fat).

But this time, his mother had a gun. She pointed at him, and his eyes widened like huge dinner plates. He decided that if he didn't want to die, he would have to walk to the store and get some food. It might kill him, but his chances were better there than with a gunshot inside of him.

On the way there, he daydreamed about Dixie Kong. Some kids started to mock him because he had a raging erection.

“Oh Dixie, only I understand you. That stupid Sakurai will never get it.” But he just remembered somebody had insulted his honor. He got an INTENSE look on his face. He taught them a lesson with some awesome RK-OwNagE move. What is RK- Ownage, you ask? Nobody really knows (cares). Experts believe it may have something to do with wrestling. Because Sauvie loves watching muscular sweaty men fondle each other. It is because of this love that his next move was so bizarre.

He said “I will SUCK YO d**k.” And then guess what he did? He sucked his d**k!

That guy never insulted Sauvie again. Although, every other week it seems like the guy wants him to show off some more wrestling moves. Sauvie also has a wrestling move he calls the “screw attack”, but it is not like Samus' at all.

I can get to you later if you want!

I'm ok. I'd rather not be gotten. Going off the past stories, yu'd either kill me off, imprison me, or something else equally degrading.

No thanks. Omega >.>

But I'll be honest; I read the blogs too. And I've been a gamer myself for a long time. I know there are still people out there listening to us saying "okay, great, but I want more."

The Nintendo Fortress: Oh yes, there will be blood

The Cult used to be a peaceful place where people got along. But today it was a battleground. True members of the guild, Fish, Wayne, Trenn, and Denko, lead the charge against the antagonists, Draken, Draken's MOM, Sauvie, and Itemhazard. I will discuss how these epic characters came into battle, but first, the battle itself. Wayne ******** ripped Draken's arm off with his gorilla arms, but not before Draken poked his eyes out with his pitchfork tongue. Trenn attempted to kick Sauvie in the testicles, only to find it futile. Trenn's leg was soon absorbed, and never seen again. Denko cited Chadwarden until Itemhazard's head exploded. Fish impaled Draken's mom with his nose. The battle was over. Two mods had been crippled, but it was over.

Before the great spotlight siege, all of these people had been friends (except Fish, everybody always hated that douche). Sauvie and Trenn would share cupcakes. Denko and Itemhazard would have nice picnics by the countryside. Fish and Draken would discuss VIDJEOGAMEZ like CASTELFANIA and SUPER MARIO GALACXY. And Wayne would take Draken's Mom to the movies. Their favorite movie was Troll II.

But then the Spotlight came. At first, many members were excited. Seaphron even made a thread pointing it out. Yes, it was a good day for the guild. But old souls were about to feel threatened by the new epicness that is Allegro, Ribbin, Orphie, and, uh, I dunno, Kathulu.

In the beginning, only small melee fights broke out. Orphie rode Draken's mom like some wild animal because she had very poor eyesight and also loves riding wild animals. This made Draken very angry. Ribbin started to get angry at Sauvie because he kept almost eating him (this counts as a melee fight); he thought he was a french fry. They all hated Allegro simply because he fit in perfectly and was a new member. How dare he. Although Allegro also had badass kung-fu skills. And Kathulu was hated because... uh, I don't know.

To explain the reason this began, I must recall this memory of epicness (actually, it's more like a petty fight that got way out of hand). Fish was in a Mario Galaxy thread (that's a shocker) and Itemhazard said something he didn't agree with, so he made that known. The following is an exact transcription of their conversation.

Fish: I think the green stars were pretty tough to get.
Item: I don't think so. I think you're just a little b***h.
Fish: No, YOU'RE a b***h.
Item: Did you.. did you just call ME a b***h?!
Fish: Yeah, I guess I did. What are you gonna do, b***h?
Item: I'm gonna go get my whipped boyfriend to start a revolution, mother ********/> And start a revolution her whipped boyfriend did. Using his supernatural powers of creation, Draken created a ******** floating castle, which he dubbed “The Goddamn Nintendo Fortress: The Other Castle”. And he recruited everyone that secretly hated Fish, and that was A LOT of ******** people. To date, they have ninety-four members, and they ALL hate him.

Each guild sent spies to the other one. OMG SPYZ TEAM FORTRESS 2 REFERENCE YOU GUYZ. Betman had a cigarette in his mouth (cuz he's a spy get it “gentlemen” haha) as he snuck into the Nintendo Cult. He saw Ribbin badmouthing the Fortress and decided to engage in combat. There were many blows struck but in the end it was a draw because it was a stupid argument. There was some spy in the Fortress too.

Nowadays, the Fortress and the Cult are on relatively good terms. Mostly the Fortress just likes to talk about how Nintendo sucks, even though they're ******** named after Nintendo. It's mostly just a guild for people who hate Fish. Actually, that's all its purpose has really ever been. Nintey-four members and counting, guys.

The end.

You're ******** disgusting.

I don't remember asking for opinions.

Yes, because it's the right thing to do to judge, look down, and think lesser of others for their personal enjoyments. [/sarcasm]