Acceptance

[Aakosir]

The only reason people are not "accepting" is because they cannot accept themselves. they have their own insecurites that they can't get over so they have to pick on someone else to make themselves feel better. It has been like that forever.

My mother-in-law has to say s**t about me to make herself feel better. She's in a marriage that has absolutely no relationship other than paycheck pals. She's jealous of me so she has to say s**t behind my back to make herself feel better...  

[Foxifyre]

Lusty101

Foxifyre

Lusty101

>.> god my life sucks... this is how i feel right now ....

He hates me

I'm sorry that you're feeling blue... What's up? and can I help?

It can't really be fixed unless ur a genie... *wishes genies were real*

If only... then again I'm glad they aren't or I'd be dead >.<

Aakosir

The only reason people are not "accepting" is because they cannot accept themselves. they have their own insecurites that they can't get over so they have to pick on someone else to make themselves feel better. It has been like that forever.

My mother-in-law has to say s**t about me to make herself feel better. She's in a marriage that has absolutely no relationship other than paycheck pals. She's jealous of me so she has to say s**t behind my back to make herself feel better..

My problem is just that I want my mom to support and accept me. She is a strong woman who loves her kids. She just won't help or support me at all in my TS endeavors.

No fun... I don't know about my In-laws. I have been avoiding them for about 6 months now. Nowadays things aren't going too well... It's that same time of the year that they said and did all those things that hurt so badly. It's just dredging up bad memories for my wife and me. But if her family decides to talk s**t about me behind my back then whatever. I'll never see them again anyways lol.  

[Dark-Velvet-Revolver]

I'm sorry Fox I know how it is ^^ So far day 4 or in law camp
Not horrible but I am snowed in or have been since Monday night...

OH well at least no ones dead ^^ that wouldn't happen if you were at ur in laws lol

and I know you want your mom to accept you and I know it's probably just hard for her to wrap her head around because you have always been and no matter what will always be her boy. It's just a hard concept for a mother to shake after what 19-20 years of life with her son. I'm sure it's not that she won't accept you but she's just having a hard time adjusting to the idea. Which is understandable just give her some time and don't push the subject too much. She will accept you because I know she does love you very much.  

[Aakosir]

Foxifyre

Aakosir

The only reason people are not "accepting" is because they cannot accept themselves. they have their own insecurites that they can't get over so they have to pick on someone else to make themselves feel better. It has been like that forever.

My mother-in-law has to say s**t about me to make herself feel better. She's in a marriage that has absolutely no relationship other than paycheck pals. She's jealous of me so she has to say s**t behind my back to make herself feel better..

My problem is just that I want my mom to support and accept me. She is a strong woman who loves her kids. She just won't help or support me at all in my TS endeavors.

No fun... I don't know about my In-laws. I have been avoiding them for about 6 months now. Nowadays things aren't going too well... It's that same time of the year that they said and did all those things that hurt so badly. It's just dredging up bad memories for my wife and me. But if her family decides to talk s**t about me behind my back then whatever. I'll never see them again anyways lol.

I'm sorry about your mom. Mine is the same and even supported my pregnancy. It would have been hypocritical if she didn't because I did the same thing as my sister... I was one of those "that won't happen to me" kids...

You're lucky you don't see them... My husband still doesn't understand his mom will never like me. She won't even tolerate me. It's all a frickin' ploy too. She's thinking if she can get Matt to not like our relationship then he will divorce me. She's that type of controlling, kneiving person...  

[Foxifyre]

Lusty101

I'm sorry Fox I know how it is ^^ So far day 4 or in law camp
Not horrible but I am snowed in or have been since Monday night...

OH well at least no ones dead ^^ that wouldn't happen if you were at ur in laws lol

and I know you want your mom to accept you and I know it's probably just hard for her to wrap her head around because you have always been and no matter what will always be her boy. It's just a hard concept for a mother to shake after what 19-20 years of life with her son. I'm sure it's not that she won't accept you but she's just having a hard time adjusting to the idea. Which is understandable just give her some time and don't push the subject too much. She will accept you because I know she does love you very much.

I'm sorry... but there is always a positive side lol.

I doubt she will unfortunately... My older brother is gay and openly so and he left the house at 18. She still won't accept him even though she still loves and helps feed him sometimes. Probably going to be the same with me. I think she sees it as more of a "sin" so she can't accept me with it.

Aakosir

I'm sorry about your mom. Mine is the same and even supported my pregnancy. It would have been hypocritical if she didn't because I did the same thing as my sister... I was one of those "that won't happen to me" kids...

You're lucky you don't see them... My husband still doesn't understand his mom will never like me. She won't even tolerate me. It's all a frickin' ploy too. She's thinking if she can get Matt to not like our relationship then he will divorce me. She's that type of controlling, kneiving person...

Heh... so was I except it was about getting involved in a relationship that I thought wouldn't happen.

Oh it's very possible too. A lot of marriages are destroyed by in-laws. She's trying to put a wedge between you and him and it's possible for her to succeed so make sure to not let her. I wish you luck with that. My wife understands that her parents are trying (if unknowingly) sabotage our relationship. Don't be too hard on him though... He probably has some need to have his mom still... and believing that she is betraying him by doing things like that will be a hard thing to do. Good luck. heart  

[Dark-Velvet-Revolver]

@ Fox:Well now that changes it a little bit... maybe she herself feels that she has failed as a mother to have one gay son and another feeling like he is a girl trapped in a mans body. She may have internalized this and may not like herself for what has happened. I think shes happy you found a girl though.

Sin honestly is everywhere and it doesn't matter who you are you are a sinner... people just tend to be excessive about certain ones being more wrong than others. I'm sorry that people work that way and personally I don't think it's right to do that to people...

@ Aakosir:
Yeah that does really bite... again I agree with fox don't push the matter but make sure that if his mother has said something that you discredit it right away. If you don't then it could stew...

For example she might say something like "Well with the way she was acting you would swear she didn't give a crap about you."

If you hear it or if he tells you about it later just make sure that you are reassuring and that you make sure he fully understands.

Also for anyone who wants to I read a good book It's pushed toward teachers but it's called Teacher Effective Training. But the advice is good for any kind of relationship.

It talks about using I messages where you First state a non judge mental fact, you state the effect it is making on you/ your environment, then you state how it makes you feel.

Example

"When the dishes don't get done, the kitchen turns into a giant mess. It makes me feel like I have to do all of the cleaning around here"

now you can use the word you in these sentences as long as you aren't bashing all over them. idk it's insightful for me and maybe will be for other people.

But after u state a message like that you need to go into a thing called active listening. Because I'm sure we have all had times where we have said something to someone and they didn't get the real message we had in mind. So here's an example.

Him "It sure is getting late." (pretty ambiguous statement could mean any number of things. so you respond with something like)
Her "You feel like its getting late out right."
Him "Yeah it is and we don't have any food ready yet."
Her "Oh so we don't have any food ready are you hungry"
Him "Yeah I am."

the point is to these conversations is to repeat what has been said in a different way so that they may continue to talk so that they can talk about what they really want or feel.

(what if you said something like)
Him "It sure is getting late."
Her "Yeah its getting dark out."
Him "That's not what I mean."
Her "Well what do you mean then?"
Him "Nevermind."

Sometimes people get their feelings hurt if you don't understand what their real message is... Some people may not have these issues but I think they will be useful to me and to any of you in friendships marriages or in work places especially schools.  

[Foxifyre]

I think that's a possibility... but I think she just really feels it's a sin and that I shouldn't do it. Of course it has nothing to do with that in reality but that's how she feels.

The fallacy of my mom telling me that "If you were meant to be a woman then God would have made you one" is that if/when you get sick you go get medication right? this is the same thing. Or for corrective surgeries... you know like tucks or breast enlargement/reduction. The same thing. And seeing as she has had an enlargement I can pull her own argument against her. I'm sorry that my mom sees it as a sin. However, I don't care because it's also a sin to wear a piece of clothing with wool and linen in the same piece of fabric, and to not put a rail around your roof etc etc... It's an old mosaic law that doesn't apply today.

I don't think she failed at being a mother but that is my opinion and not necessarily hers. I think she is a wonderful mom. I just wish she would support me is all. On the plus side... My wife is now supporting me fully. So I have the better of the two choices to support me.  

[Dark-Velvet-Revolver]

Foxifyre

I think that's a possibility... but I think she just really feels it's a sin and that I shouldn't do it. Of course it has nothing to do with that in reality but that's how she feels.

The fallacy of my mom telling me that "If you were meant to be a woman then God would have made you one" is that if/when you get sick you go get medication right? this is the same thing. Or for corrective surgeries... you know like tucks or breast enlargement/reduction. The same thing. And seeing as she has had an enlargement I can pull her own argument against her. I'm sorry that my mom sees it as a sin. However, I don't care because it's also a sin to wear a piece of clothing with wool and linen in the same piece of fabric, and to not put a rail around your roof etc etc... It's an old mosaic law that doesn't apply today.

I don't think she failed at being a mother but that is my opinion and not necessarily hers. I think she is a wonderful mom. I just wish she would support me is all. On the plus side... My wife is now supporting me fully. So I have the better of the two choices to support me.

I'm glad your wife is supportive. And I think your mom has really been sucked into the Mosaic law but i also think society makes one sin larger than another. To God a sin is a sin no matter what. But here your mother is making your feelings a sin larger than any other except probably murder.

To God if you break one sin you break them all. No three strikes and your out game... Too many christians think that oh I lie or I cheat but I'm not a homosexual so god loves me... wrong. They are no better the only difference is that if you are a true christian you accept that 1 you are a horrible sinner and 2 you can never no matter how good you are achieve heaven without Jesus.

However many people point at each others sins.

Then there are the people i really despise. Those who pretend that their crap doesn't stink and they can commit now wrong... Those ones drive me bonkers. Because they are pious and believe they are just as good as God himself... I cant work with those kind of people. Nor could Jesus xD  

[Foxifyre]

121Star-Fire121

Foxifyre

I think that's a possibility... but I think she just really feels it's a sin and that I shouldn't do it. Of course it has nothing to do with that in reality but that's how she feels.

The fallacy of my mom telling me that "If you were meant to be a woman then God would have made you one" is that if/when you get sick you go get medication right? this is the same thing. Or for corrective surgeries... you know like tucks or breast enlargement/reduction. The same thing. And seeing as she has had an enlargement I can pull her own argument against her. I'm sorry that my mom sees it as a sin. However, I don't care because it's also a sin to wear a piece of clothing with wool and linen in the same piece of fabric, and to not put a rail around your roof etc etc... It's an old mosaic law that doesn't apply today.

I don't think she failed at being a mother but that is my opinion and not necessarily hers. I think she is a wonderful mom. I just wish she would support me is all. On the plus side... My wife is now supporting me fully. So I have the better of the two choices to support me.

I'm glad your wife is supportive. And I think your mom has really been sucked into the Mosaic law but i also think society makes one sin larger than another. To God a sin is a sin no matter what. But here your mother is making your feelings a sin larger than any other except probably murder.

To God if you break one sin you break them all. No three strikes and your out game... Too many christians think that oh I lie or I cheat but I'm not a homosexual so god loves me... wrong. They are no better the only difference is that if you are a true christian you accept that 1 you are a horrible sinner and 2 you can never no matter how good you are achieve heaven without Jesus.

However many people point at each others sins.

Then there are the people i really despise. Those who pretend that their crap doesn't stink and they can commit now wrong... Those ones drive me bonkers. Because they are pious and believe they are just as good as God himself... I cant work with those kind of people. Nor could Jesus xD

I concur. And I know exactly what you mean about people who have the "holier than thou art" attitude... they are my in-laws.  

[Dark-Velvet-Revolver]

Foxifyre

I concur. And I know exactly what you mean about people who have the "holier than thou art" attitude... they are my in-laws.

Yeah they really bug me. Unfortunately its part of why I failed my student teaching last semester and part of why they really aren't sure they want me in again... that and the whole "Calling" idea. God has a calling for you. If he does great but he needs to blatantly point it out or else i wont get the message... and until he points me in that direction they need to back off and let me get my dang degree...

Christian colleges suck.  

[Foxifyre]

Dark-Velvet-Revolver

Foxifyre

I concur. And I know exactly what you mean about people who have the "holier than thou art" attitude... they are my in-laws.

Yeah they really bug me. Unfortunately its part of why I failed my student teaching last semester and part of why they really aren't sure they want me in again... that and the whole "Calling" idea. God has a calling for you. If he does great but he needs to blatantly point it out or else i wont get the message... and until he points me in that direction they need to back off and let me get my dang degree...

Christian colleges suck.

I dropped out of a christian college... people there are rather snooty.  

[Dark-Velvet-Revolver]

Foxifyre

Dark-Velvet-Revolver

Foxifyre

I concur. And I know exactly what you mean about people who have the "holier than thou art" attitude... they are my in-laws.

Yeah they really bug me. Unfortunately its part of why I failed my student teaching last semester and part of why they really aren't sure they want me in again... that and the whole "Calling" idea. God has a calling for you. If he does great but he needs to blatantly point it out or else i wont get the message... and until he points me in that direction they need to back off and let me get my dang degree...

Christian colleges suck.

I dropped out of a christian college... people there are rather snooty.

I really hate that >.< but yes they are and its part of why I failed student teaching. Now the guy in charge keeps trying to hint that I should find another profession... Basically i hate when they push the whole "Calling" idea which isnt always true...  

[Foxifyre]

Dark-Velvet-Revolver

Foxifyre

Dark-Velvet-Revolver

Foxifyre

I concur. And I know exactly what you mean about people who have the "holier than thou art" attitude... they are my in-laws.

Yeah they really bug me. Unfortunately its part of why I failed my student teaching last semester and part of why they really aren't sure they want me in again... that and the whole "Calling" idea. God has a calling for you. If he does great but he needs to blatantly point it out or else i wont get the message... and until he points me in that direction they need to back off and let me get my dang degree...

Christian colleges suck.

I dropped out of a christian college... people there are rather snooty.

I really hate that >.< but yes they are and its part of why I failed student teaching. Now the guy in charge keeps trying to hint that I should find another profession... Basically i hate when they push the whole "Calling" idea which isnt always true...

They mostly have one track minds that are very dogmatic. I made a lot of enemies at my Christian college by being an individual and of course by having sex outside marriage...

have you tried a different college for student teaching?  

[Dark-Velvet-Revolver]

Foxifyre

They mostly have one track minds that are very dogmatic. I made a lot of enemies at my Christian college by being an individual and of course by having sex outside marriage...

have you tried a different college for student teaching?

The problem is my husbands parents are paying for it and if i transfer i will probably have to take more classes. At this point his parents want me graduated. If i fail again though his parents will raise hell... they donate quite a lot to the college so they will in the end get their way. And the only reason why i failed is because for the last review by both my Advisor (who i dislike and cant talk to) and my Cooperating teacher failed me. the rest was fine. I really hate how they would back talk behind my back though. It seems in my file they had several emails between them which I never got to look at.  

[Foxifyre]

Dark-Velvet-Revolver

Foxifyre

They mostly have one track minds that are very dogmatic. I made a lot of enemies at my Christian college by being an individual and of course by having sex outside marriage...

have you tried a different college for student teaching?

The problem is my husbands parents are paying for it and if i transfer i will probably have to take more classes. At this point his parents want me graduated. If i fail again though his parents will raise hell... they donate quite a lot to the college so they will in the end get their way. And the only reason why i failed is because for the last review by both my Advisor (who i dislike and cant talk to) and my Cooperating teacher failed me. the rest was fine. I really hate how they would back talk behind my back though. It seems in my file they had several emails between them which I never got to look at.

Well if they have a personal grudge against you then you'll either have to find different teachers or a different school...
Good luck to you in it.