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My teacher had us write personal narratives in as few words as we can use. I wrote 6 and I'm not comfortable sharing them all, but here's one of mine:

They ask, “Artist or success?” I pose, “Success or happiness?”

My tongue hurts... Again. I think I'm fighting off a cold... crying

Me: *finds a Doctor Who episode with Vikings*
Me: OH MY ******** THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!
-10 minutes pass-
Me: I... No.... Why does this exist just please??!?!!?!
Friend: Oh just wait. It gets worse.
-10 more minutes pass-
Me: By the gods... It's too bad... I'm too weak MAKE IT END!!!!

I took the most majestic selfie purely by accident. I forgot my gym clothes, and I had to sit out, and it was blistering ******** hot and I felt like my hair and shoulder would catch on fire, but somehow I got this:

My town is officially falling apart.

I've lived here my entire life. It was a small town when I was born, just a run-down airport with 1-person airplanes, 1 elementary school, 1 middle school, 1 library, and 7 small developments all within walking distance of the airport. Town Center as we call it was the end of the town. Once you managed to find the end of that maze you'd be gone to some other town. Even today, blink and you miss the entire place.

When I was 5 the town began construction of apartments and a strange shopping center. There were 2 huge cornfields that spanned for a mile, and they were taken down, replaced with the shopping centers and apartments which nobody could afford because this place is poor as is. It took years for the town to finish the project. Probably 2.5 or 3.

This is the kind of town where everyone knows everyone. Literally. One person does something, the entire town hears about it in minutes and it stays with you forever until you move. We've had people move away because of this.

When I was 6, we finally built a high school. Even today it only has not even 1000 students. It celebrated the 10th anniversary just 2 years back.

Just about a year and a half ago, someone built a Taco Bell within walking distance for most of the developments, as well as a Rite Aid/convenience store mix. Everything's growing so fast, and just this week the town shut down the main roads to make crosswalks to these main areas. We didn't even have crosswalks between developments years ago. Everyone just... walked across streets and it was fine. No traffic, nothing. Now roads are backed up everywhere all the time. A new development just got made because, as it turns out, the largest Muslim temple in the entire ******** world is being built right across from the tiny stretch of road the town began as. It's magnificent. It's the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

But commercial restaurants, expensive apartments, and glorious buildings just seem to mask the horrors that lie within nowadays.

Back in my freshman year, just 3 years ago, there was a guy in Town Center who the FBI burst into his house. He said nothing, shot himself and nobody knows what happened to this day.

Two years ago, one kid got tackled in the middle of our high school floor by cops and suspended because he was busted for drugs. The warehouses in the back of our town are where everyone now assumes the main production to be, but nobody quite knows for sure. To lead on, a teacher that year told our class that the big city with gangs and everything literally 5 minutes away, not even their schools were as drug-ridden.

Junior year, I went away on vacation so I missed this thankfully. The school called lockdown and drug dogs came in, busted almost a dozen kids for heroin and other drugs. When I came back, my health teacher flat-up warned us that our school had a serious heroin problem, and later that year there were over 11 overdoses in the county just that week. Everyone was surprised yet not. It just... happened.

At the end of Junior year, and I'll never forget this... I was picking up my bag to leave the art room. Suddenly the school called lockdown and intruder alerts and everything, and we all huddled in the darkest ******** corner of the classroom. I wasn't in a good spot but I was scared to move, and I knew if someone came in they'd see me. I looked out the window shaking, and a cop and his dog ran down the main halls toward the parking lot. We waited as a school. We waited and waited. It felt like forever, but it must have been roughly 10 minutes give or take. And when we were finally let out, work got out by that night: a former student drove over in his car loaded with guns and rifles and everything, and he threatened to shoot up the school. I was almost part of a ******** mass shooting. Nothing happened, but the guy was let off the hook. Not even arrested. And it's assumed now he's joined the gangs in the big city nearby. Nobody's seen him since, and the big drug dealer got revealed in the whole mess, too.

This past summer, one guy committed suicide. I was friends with his sister. I knew this kid personally. He got addicted to drugs, depressed, everything. He lived the perfect town life like the most of us--great and supportive family, great education, great opportunity, everything. The only difference was his family was probably the richest in town. The guy got everything he wanted whether it be professional mixing boards, gymnastics lessons, expensive computers, etc. But the poison seeping into the town infected his being, and then one day he was found having hanged himself and died 3 days later. The town held a service for him, and so many attended. I couldn't bear to go myself.

Today, less than 4 months later, the next tragic thing happened. About a month ago one other guy who went to the county college went missing. Things were put up all over social media, Facebook made a page dedicated to finding him, and papers were posted on every door inside and outside the schools. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing his face. And just a few minutes ago, I heard the news: he's dead. He was found in the county park near the college where he went missing, entirely dead.

Maybe this is just growing up. Maybe it's just the innocent, little cornfield town turning to s**t. I loved this place. I still try to but just... I don't know how much longer I can. I want to move away to a better place but this is everything I've known. I'm not sure it can get better because, as I've grown up I've heard people say, "Oh, other towns are like this". And numerous other things along those lines. But I'm just... lost. In this tiny town you'd think nobody could lose their way but I have. And I'm still trying to find a road to get back to but they're all built over by apartments, shopping centers, invisible drug dens, and clogged by violent traffic.

It's almost 11 pm. I'm watching that new show, At Home With Amy Sedaris. This show emulates the feeling of pre-teen sleepover nights with nothing but inescapable infomercials on. The anxiety-inducing anger and frustration, yet mockery of everything they do and I just... can't. I literally can't.

So my 18th birthday is coming up in exactly 20 days. I'm starting tesosterone in less than a week I think, and when the effects take place and my body has finished with the dramatic changes, I'm going to get 2 tattoos. I won't need parent permission and my dad is totally 750% fine with me getting tattoos as long as the place is clean and safe. He's helped me decide a bit, even, on places to go!

The first I want is a Celtic knot going up the back of my left leg in the transgender colors.

The second is Stan Pines's burn-tattoo on his shoulder, but I'd get it tattooed not burned, of course.

Yeah, I've been preparing myself for that for a while. I know for sure I want the Celtic knot one because I've had it in mind for roughly 6-8 months by now, and it will likely become a whole year before I even go for my consultation. But it would mean a lot to me because Celtic knots symbolize eternity, and being transgender is the biggest, most important thing in my life above anything else. Getting a tattoo to mark that would mean the entire world to me.

The Stan Pines one, though, I'm debating, and I'm still thinking about it so I won't rush to get it by any means. I don't know if I'll get it for sure, and I'm going to think about it some more, no doubt.