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((I dunno if you already read this.. but I edited it... -.-; ))

"LET'D GO OF ME NOW YOU b*****d!" Malik bellowed this time, hitting Honda in the back and flailing his legs wildly. "Give me Jounouchi now! I want him here!"

"Uh thanks, Jounouchi. Can you hold it for a second... I better finishing setting the table. Or, if you want you can call Anzu."

The brunette tapped her foot impatiently against the cold floor of the hallway. "Why isn't my call getting through!?" She groaned bitterly.

((Yea, I'm getting over it slowly... *sigh*

Uhm, I agree with you on the gender thing. I mean, I want to look good too, y'know. I hate my face, but I still wear make up only once in awhile. My pride refuses that I don't do it. If nobody wore make up, we'd all feel better about ourselves. And I do think relationships are dumb, but I stumbled into one, I was never in pursue of one and I just can't let go of it even when it seriously sucks. I'm extremely possessive and I guess anybody who gets close to me won't get rid of me easily.

As for emotions, I am definitley a hyper-sensitive extrovert. I feel bad when a waitress sucks, I feel bad when people f*ck up their lives cause they are stupid idiots, I can't hurt anybody unless they've hurt me first - no matter how irksome of a person they are. I hate strongly, but I hate few. And I feel bad about hating. Hatred is the worse feeling of them all, it's horrible yet addicting.

As for sex, like I said, I would never have casual sex. I find the acts of mating disgusting unless they are with a loved one. I can find as much pleasure out of watching a brilliant anime or taking part in an awesome roleplay as I can with physical pleasures. Which makes me sorta want to become a nun. Haha, a non religious nun. Which makes no sense. I just want to give up 'biological needs'

Wow, it's interesting how we have opposite morals of the characters we roleplay... uhm, anyway, I get really uncomfortabe when talking about sex if it isn't BL... b/c I'm just kinda weird like that. So... ^^;; ...we don't need to discuss it any further, you can wrap it up if you like and then we can move off of it Well, I just want to be honest with you cause beating around the bush leaves me with a heavy heart. Uh, it's hard for me to put it... hmm.. well, I'm probably just about as innocent as Malik. *buries self* Uhmmmm, aside from the fact that I'm not a slut nor have I even been drunk or touched drugs.

I feel really guilty even though I was eighteen and even though we'd been together for two years... I really regret it. -.- Not just for the sake of regreting it, but also because of past incidents that I have become completely phobic of the topic. It has to do with somebody I really loved betraying my trust and part of that had to do with sex. I never thought I could truly hate a person until that day... but yea, I dunno, it's still hard for me to get over it. Kinda like love; hatred is something a person may think he/she knows of but actually be ignorant to, until one actually experiences it. I never thought I could be a threat in all my years of living but because of all that happened I became well, as my friend put it, 'the devils incarnate' to this person. I was a sadistic little b***h who made it my goal in life to make her life a living hell; to see her cry in the pain and suffering she caused me. Well, anyway, that's how my character developed into what I am now. Uhm... horrible story really... -.-; But that's sort of why I feel bad for Malik, I feel like in many ways I can relate. Of course, my relationship with the person I wanted to suffer was very personal... which made it hurt even more when she backstabbed me. Of course, I'll admit part of the problem was me trying to control her. We just clashed I guess. I think I'd better stop now.

So now that you know my boring life story about how I regret this and that and I can be an a*****e... I'm glad you got your shopping done! =D I need two more gifts and then I'm done as well. Happy BREAK! ))

((Oh and you don't know how much your compliments mean to me. *hug* I'm glad I can do Malik some justice. ^^; This whole message has made me feel awful. Please don't tell anybody, I know this is a pubic thread but... well, don't tell anyone elsewhere... I can't tell you how disgusting I feel about myself. I'd rather not make it feel worse. -.-;; ))

"GIMME HIM NOW! You don't understand our undeniable love for each other!!!" Malik declared, biting his lip and flinging his arms in the air. "Th-that's why he kissed me! Because he cares too! And it felt so good ya know, I bet YOU were jealous!"

"Oh, yea, that'd be great." Yuugi replied, getting the rest of the silver wear from the worn kitchen draws.

((I'm glad you feel you can trust me that much. *feels special* Well, I guess it's hard for me to relate b/c I've never had to actually go through liking somebody of the same sex. However, I also felt as though every person is a little bent, I've looked at girls before, I've just been more interested in guys. Actually, I always wished I could like a girl since guys are horny f*cktards. Hm, I guess it's harder for me to think in such a perspective. However, I can tell you this if you do get into a relationship things won't be the same between you guys no matter what; whether the situation is positive or negative. It might be better that way, depending on your desires, or perhaps you just want to keep your precious friendship. It really depends on you. I really can't tell you what to do -- just follow your heart. As corny as that sounds that is what you ought to do. I confessed to my boyfriend before we were dating and when were just friends and I felt as though a weight has been taken off my back. The following days were hard, but it ended out being okay. I just want you to do what you feel comfortable with, okay? ^^ Good luck.

I realized I don't like being in a relationship. To be perfectly honest I still don't think I'm a suitable person for dating. I like my independence, yet I can be really clingy too... even when I've wanted to break up with him my attachment didn't allow me too. And.. well, I'm not going to lie... s*x feels.. it feels good, and unfortunatly I've made the mistake more than once. I hate it because the mind is completely useless b/c of the bodies desires for pleasure, and I hate not being in control of myself. A lot of times I'd start crying half way through when my mind would push it's way in control and of course it hurt both of us to see me that way. I guess I wasn't psychologically ready.... I dunno if I'll ever be. I've also had moments of... *sigh*... well, I've had out of body moments... once in awhile we'll be making out or something and then my mind will just stray to my favorite yaoi couple. You know the one. I feel guilty about that too... I shouldn't be imagining what it would be like to be a guy making out with a guy when I'm kissing my boyfriend! But it happens. I use all my experiences to help my hentai writing and that is bad... -.- I dunno, I also feel more comfortable with fiction. I guess it's because MY reputation isn't on the line when it comes to fiction and I'm not going to be the one suffering the immense guilt either.

I think I'm far from getting out of the shame of it all... but perhaps I just need to do some growing up. Thanks for listening. ))

((Aww... I'm sorry that you are sick. I hope you feel better for Christmas time))

"You are the crazy one! You still have your hands all over me! Are you gay too Honda? After all, you do have a guy on top of you!" Malik laughed, in a slurred jumble of words.

"Yuugi!" Anzu cried over Jounouchi's voice, "We have a major problem right now! Honda and I were taking Malik back to his apartment after he passed out, but now he's awake and the situation has become completely chaotic!"

((*nod* I'm glad you can trust me. Yay internet friends. Anyway, I feel a little bad for bashing relationships. I mean, with relationships come good and bad. I guess it's your choice based on how you weigh the pros and cons. I mean, I went on a date with my boyfriend yesterday and it was absolutely lovely and it made me remember what I do like about dating. ^^ Anyway, don't feel bad about masterbating or anything, I do it too. I think a lot of girls do, they just don't care to admit it. *shrug* I used to be really embarrassed about it too, but I was slowly able to open up to my friends and they made me feel normal. ^^; I dunno, hopefully I feel better about the sex thing over time. I guess it's because everybody still looks at me like a little girl and even I feel like a little girl. So.. -.-; to be exposed to these things and like them makes me feel like I'm not living up to the reputation I've been given.

Anyway, something exciting happened today. Aside from today, most of this weekend has seemed like a train wreck... on Friday I was out visiting my old high school and a few blocks away a 14 year old was shot and killed at my old middle school. It was a horrible day.

But today things became better. Today is Malik's birthday, so it has to be good right? X3; I talked on the phone to my online yami (The one I was having issues with) for the first time. Wahh I was so scared. It's so odd to know somebody for three years and not know their voice. I was pacing my room nervously all day and when the phone rang and said her name I flipped. O_O It was awkward at first but we had a good talk. Hehe, she has a very cute East Coastern accent. <3 I enjoyed our conversation a lot. Sometimes I get really sad thinking about my internet friends though. I know them, and yet I don't really. -.- I wish I could know them the way I know my friends here. I think we could have a chance to be really close if given the oppurtonity; but the distance takes that oppurtunity away. That's why I'm glad we got to talk on the phone - it's one step closer to real life. =3 We ought to do it too one day. ^^ ))

((Aww... I'm sorry. *pats head*))

Malik let out an obnoxious cry of pain as he fell chest first on the floor. Struggling to get up in vain he ended up grabbing at Honda's pant bottoms, and he watched the room spin around them. He wanted to pass out again, but nothing was happening. "... why do you hate me?!" Was what he finally cried, lowering his head to the floor in muffled sobs. ((What the hell kinda drunk is he... *sigh* ))

"Uh-uh..well, Honda didn't want me to tell you. Y-you really don't need to worry! Ah Honda are you okay? Erm... sorry he's having some trouble. But we're fine really, Malik's just a bit, well more than a bit, he's sort of a mess. I wanted to help, but I guess he doesn't appreciate it very much..."

((Hahah, yea it's a bit obnoxious. I never made out in hallways because we weren't very into PDA. Although... empty classrooms... now that's a different story. O_O;;; Yea... so embarrassing, but sadly we were teachers pets and we had lots of empty classroom moments. x_x;

Yea, I don't cuss at all really. Although my head is a bursting stream of curse words I try to not say my nasty thoughts out loud. I dunno if I like the reputation, but I'm sure as hell not trying to make it stop. But anyway, cute really is a compliment. I like being called cute. I don't get many compliments about my appearance or my behavior, so if I get called cute, it makes me happy. Oh, I used to never go out, but it's sorta unhealthy for me to do that. While I love roleplaying and being locked up in my room it gets really lonely too. crying So, I find going out and hanging out with the buddies enjoyable. We also like to get together and play games and stuff. But yea, flirting is annoying. I try to have girls nights out... no boys allowed! X3;

Yea, I'm pretty sure we're okay now. It was so weird, it really was! O_o But I'm glad we got to talk. <3 Hahaha, yea, it's fine, whenever you are ready or if ya need a good cheering up, I'd be glad to PM you my number. X3; Do people in Arizona have accents too? O__o That's probably a dumb question... most people don't realize if they have an accent or not. Poor you and your man voice. If it makes you feel any better, one of my friends said a girl with a cold sounds sexy. So maybe you actually sound sexy? X3;

Yea it's cute, but it's over the size limit right now so I should stop being lazy and fix it. Neh, seeing as it's temporary anyway I don't really even care... -.-))

((Uh... sure. X3; ))

" I wonder why also! It's so mean, y'know! Jounouchi hates me sometimes also. B-but I know that deep down somewhere fate will bring us together! I can feel it, like we were meant for each other" Malik bawled. He finally lifted his head from the floor and placed it on Honda's leg, sobbing softly, "You can come to our wedding. Just forgive me for saying that you have ugly hair behind your back in front of Otogi. He's a great guy."

"Oh... uh... he's just really drunk. He passed out earlier. Him and Honda are... well, I guess they are talking... sorta. "

((It was Anzu's idea and she totally isn't helping...))

(Oh, well no wonder. I'm the oldest, I don't get cute much. But, cute isn't always a term in regards to appearance. Haha, oh yay for glaring. I do it myself. Isn't it fun?! I dunno, you shouldn't feel bad if people call you cute based on something you say or do, however, I do understand why you wouldn't want people to judge you based on looks. Unfortunately that is sorta how our society is. It's really sad. -.-

Well, that is something I do like about internet friends. You can't judge them based on dress style, or appearance. Not like I'm the type to do that... but... you really get to know them for what is inside.

I'll tell you, thinking about my conversation with my online friend made me sorta sad... I can't even remember her voice anymore, y'know. I always took those things for granted with my other friends. I know all their voices by heart, I know their quirks, their expressions, so many things that I never really took time to appreciate before.

Well, I have to say I agree with you. I hate movies b/c it's too expensive, I hate parties b/c I find them awkward, and I don't like going out to resurants much, however ice cream or coffee is okay for me. ^^ I'm cheap. I like to hang out at home too. Arcades are quite fun, but I don't know of many over here. And I end up spending a lot of money also.

Oh, I do have guy friends but they are either gay or as you said, nerdy. So I don't worry about flirting and such. I also like having a boyfriend for those reasons - less awkward situations with other guys. Hm, so you don't fail. I mean, I don't consider myself a failure and I dislike many of the activities you like. I guess it's because I've found a middle ground with my friends.

Wow. O_O;; Uhm, yea, hopefully they don't think you are gonna do that. x_x; Just take your time or whatever. ^^

Haha, well she does have a rather bad taste in men; so perhaps she would find your voice sexy. XD;

Oh but it also said Happy Birthday too. X3; Ooooh flippin' well. ))

"Y-you don't like Otogi? I think you guys would be so cute together Honda!" Malik exclaimed, hardly budging from his idiotic cling from the other's leg.

"But Jounouchi... I mean, don't you feel a little bad? Your dad is..."

((Yea, that's a good thing. I'm like that as well. ^^ I mean, unless they look completely unapproachable with like a louie vuiton purse and too much make up; I try to give everybody a chance. ^^

Haha, well cars aren't that important. I just wish I could know certain things about my online friends that I know about my real things. I'm glad those aren't as important to you though.

Wow to your birthday story. You were completely like.. oblivious. LMAO. It's cute though! And that is so nice of your friends to surprise you!

Yea, I don't mind shopping. I especially like going to bookstores! ZOMG, I could sit their for hours! That's funny because one of my other friends was able to meet her online roleplaying friend and they hung out at a bookstore the whole time. ^^ Yay! That's good news! I'm glad your mom was okay with it and everything. =D

Oh, and thanks for the glasses. X3; Hehe, for mah super emo bishonen. I'm not a huge fan of glasses, but I did almost buy this item before b/c I found them just so awesome. Yay, and now I have them! *grin* Oo I got a Gaia cash card from mah mum today... so I bought a penguin and snowflakes. Hehe. <3 Thanks again! Your note was so sweet... *happy tear* T__T;

What did you get for Christmas? ))

Malik had somehow managed to get himself off the floor and stood in a horrible posture next to Honda, flailing his arms every which way as he spoke, "You know what I'm trying to say, dontcha Honda? You are Ryujji are close right?" He slurred, nudging the other's shoulder. ((.... oh gawd.... -.-; wink )

"Uhm..." Anzu struggled to find words, she couldn't believe Jounouchi. "Just let me talk to Yuugi then! Just because you have problems doesn't mean you should put them on other people." ((Aand that was slightly out of character. I'm going to use this excuse: she is PMSing.))

((Riiight. Well, have fun with that.

Oh, well, it is hard to remember people you hardly see. Haha, it's not retarded. I think I do the same thing because I have an ideal of myself and then when I look in the mirror I see somebody completely different.

Yea, I know you hate being called cute... but just as Malik can't help but use 'chan' with Jounouchi sometimes I can't help it. *pats head* I'm sorry, hopefully I don't offend you too much... ^^;

Oo, yea, I just got a ten dollar Gaia card, three Starbucks gift cards, two borders giftcards, two itunes giftcards, and a bunch of clothes from Hottopic (jack skelteon and Zim stuff mostly). I also got the Sims 2 University which I have been playing like all day. X3; What do you think is a good major for Jounouchi? I can't decide. I put his aspiration as family though. ^^ And Malik's is knowlege, while his major is Philosphy. Uh, it's so weird how easy it was to get them to fall for each other. Of course I sacrificed Malik's grades for it and now he is behind a semester. *sweat drop*

What is a white elephant gift exchange? O_O;

SORRY that took so long, I'm horrible at multitasking. Trying to play monopoly and do another roleplay along with this. -.-; It'd be easier without the monoply. If you can guess I'm losing. X3))

"That's what you say now, but wait until you see what the gods have in store for you! He told me all about you guys, y'know. But, he's hot - and I'm sure he's a good f*ck, so you really should consider yourself lucky!" Malik laughed obscenely, giving Honda a friendly slap on the shoulder.

Anzu huffed, "Fine, maybe I am a hypocrite. But if you have to know, I'd help you with your problems if you gave me a chance! I don't even know what your problem with Malik is because you never even told me! If you are gonna go be all sensitive, maybe you should learn how to warn us about it. I don't ever mean to hurt you Jounouchi but you just don't get it sometimes!"

((Draaammaa. Wow, I actually like this... I mean, you never see them fighting much. ^^;;

Well okaies.... since you don't mind too, too much. Uhm, yea well, I don't like how it's 'popularity', because I think he'd prefer close knit relationships. I see close friends as family anyway. *shrug* I can see it both ways. LOL, it's funny you should say that b/c in my other roleplay Jonouchi is an english teacher. *shocked* Yea, it's pretty weird. Haha, swimming or running isn't a choice. Gah, I have no clue - the choices are: Psychology, Drama, Art, Philosophy, Ciology, Economics, Lit, Math, History, Physics, Political science. I think I gave Otogi political science or something. Haven't decided on the others. It's fun though. ^^

Uhm, okay good luck with your multitasking. I'm having trouble... X3; Luckily we are taking a monopoly break soon...))