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ALL YOUR BASE

TO WAYNE.

So, I'm at the supermarket and I'm waiting in line to pay for my s**t. Many TV dinners (The diet kind, hopefully fattie won't eat 'em), some Rice Cakes, Ramen, etc, when this (get this) FAT a** in front of me starts to complain that the item he wants that is on sale ISN'T in stock.

I sit there and contemplate what I should say, assuming I'd be there longer than I'd want to be; Granted, the item was a BOGO Chips Sale. Go figure.

So finally, as he's in the middle of harassing this excellent Cashier, I open my mouth.

"Hey, fatass, can we shut the hell up and move on? Ok? They're chips, dumb ********. Buy them another time. What the hell's your problem?"

"You wanna know?!" he said to me without turning around.

s**t, this guy was bigger than me. So he turns around and stares at me. I swear I almost shat my pants.

So he finally says

"I had reese's for breakfast!"

"s**t, you had candy for breakfast?!"

"Not candy, Reese's Puff Cereal!"

So he pours me a bowl and I shove the spoon in my mouth. Then a completely orgasmic wave of peanut butter and chocolately taste bombards my taste buds.

Reese's Puff Cereal;

It's reese's, FOR BREAKFAST!

LAWLZ

One day on Halloween, I decided to ******** with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brough a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.

"So I heard you like Mudkips..."

"Mudkips? I LUUUUUUUUUUUURVE MUDKIPS."

"O RLY? So, would you ever ******** a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could said 'if you were a Mudkips') "OF COURSE."

"Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and."

Before I finished the sentence, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violenly humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips, I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.

Needles to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.

I came back two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd round him. He was still ******** it and baying this real ******** up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.

I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the s**t out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.

A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.

So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.

I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.

So I ask you: Do you like Mudkips?