[$] Johnlocked Into The Darkness (Filled by Knux33)

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

Spock only stared down at the very unhappy Jim, raising an eyebrow at the boy's expression. "Regulation states all unnecessary or hazardous personnel are to be kept off of the Bridge at all times to ensure maximum proficiency and security, with minimal allowance for guests. Kirk, if you prove to be more of a hazard than a guest you will have to wait for me elsewhere while I finish my job." It was less a threat and mostly fact. Though with a hint of warning thrown in, because Spock was definitely not going to tolerate anything interfering with his usual duties on the ship; even Kirk. Spock took his job quite seriously (even if he really did not look it when Jim was playing with his hair while he was looking through screen data and looking at log notes) and would leave Jim in the care of a babysitter for an hour or so if need be.

Though Spock really doubted that short of throwing Kirk into one of the actual prisoner cells they had on-ship nothing could keep Jim tied down for long without constant servalence and fast reflexes; which the Vulcan luckily had. Plus the added bonus of Kirk wanting to remain near him for one reason or another.

Though the Vulcan's attention was turned a moment when Chekov hurried in and went to his seat next to Sulu, then did a double-take at the sight of Spock with a ... kid? Kid Kirk?! "Apologies Mr Spock," Chekov said, seeing from a glance from Sulu the helmsman would fill him in on the missed details in a moment. "I was held up a little bit; won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't, Mr Chekov," Spock said simply, having his hands a bit too full with Kirk to question the russian more in-depth.

Chekov raised both eyebrows while Sulu gave him the low-down as the russian himself crunched the numbers on their trajectory and orbit-stability in no time at all. Chekov had been shocked to see Kirk as he was, but really was not all that surprised to hear Jim had been in some teleporter malfunction which had caused his current state; Captain Kirk was a great captain, but also a magnet for all sorts of odd trouble. Chekov did his work as per usual, also joining Sulu as the Asian went to the cafeteria with him. The Russian decided to eat with Sulu and go see Hamish again afterwards, giving Sulu the full story on why he'd been late ... only to smile sheepishly at the rather disapproving look he got from the other officer. Probably because the last time he'd been alone with one of the eugens Khan had bruised him up quite a bit.

"But he is very nice--" Chekov was saying about Hamish, right as Hamish walked up and surprised him with quite the amazing little contraption. The Russian couldn't help the way his eyes lit up at the sight of the sphere seeming to almost magically unfold into a dragonfly before actually flying around and landing on him. And Hamish had made more than this one marvel in the course of a day?! "Whoa!" Chekov exclaimed, trying to not crane his neck too much as he inspected the complex little machine. "How many did you make? Are zey all like zis one? Or all zey all different? It's amazing, Hamish!" The russian then blinked, remembering Sulu and looking over at his older friend with a grin before introducing the two. "Sulu, zis is Hamish. The one I was telling you about. Hamish, zis is Sulu; he is my friend."

Spock was, not too far away in the cafeteria, trying to currently convince Kirk to eat his food like a proper human being ... with zero success. Though it was with a bit of relief the Vulcan took a comm call, blinking when he heard Scotty say he thought he may understand what went wrong, and could try to go about righting the problem with Kirk as soon as tonight. Spock blinked, looking over at the kid and was both happy, relieved, and ... perhaps a little sad at the same time, though he could not pin-point why exactly.  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Jim didn't like the threat that Spock would leave him with someone else, he dind't want to be with anyone else, so he stopped his squirming and screaming instantly. Instead he sat down on the others lap with a huff and went back to playing with the Vulcan's hair. It felt different then most peoples hair, thicker but not at the same time, Jim thought it felt almost like a cat but different because it was a bit softer. Jim had always liked cats, his aunt had a few that he had let out of the house when everything started up, Jim didn't say anything but in his head Spock changed to kitty because why the hell not? The other was just about as cuddly as a cat, only when he wanted, and Jim was perfectly okay with that because he wanted someone to be cuddly like that but also… not.

Jim eventually was able to stand up without causing trouble, looking around with just enough distance that he could see what other people were doing but still keep a hand on Spocks knee, if Uhura chuckled she wouldn’t ever say. When Spock finally decided that he was done with his shift Jim had gotten a good look at what he could but instead of being carried he walked beside the other while gripping the hem of his shirt. When in the cafeteria Jim fought with Spock tooth and nail about using utensils, not liking how it felt, when the other was distracted by a call and Jim was freed to eat as he liked for a short bit. Uhura chuckled as she sat across from Jim and Jim just stared up at the woman for a moment before scooting a little back into Spock.

"You can't tell him how to eat Spock. He'll eat how he wants, your still dealing with Jim, but seeing him like this it's a wonder he is ever… normal." Jim glared at Uhura, fully understanding what she was saying, he may be a kid but he had sort of figured out what had happened. He was a genius after all and he knew that in a short while he would be back to his "normal" self… whatever that was. This meant though that he wasn't back on tarsus and he wouldn’t be back with that horrible man so it was all good by him. Jim looked around the room and saw Hamish with his toy and was instantly distracted enough to actually get off Spocks lap and walk over to where the others were.

Hamish smiled up at Chekov, feeling a strange pressure in his chest at the others intrigue, before he gently grabbed the bug. "They are all different, not one is the same, I only have about six right now but I want to make a lot more." Chekov then introduced him to the rather displeased looking Asian and Hamish just shifted on his feet before looking between the two. "Hello Sulu." Hamish let the dragon fly go and looked over to see a young boy with bright blue eyes staring at it. Hamish blinked in surprise then smiled at the kid he didn't know was Kirk before holding out a hand to the bug and having it curl up into a ball.

Hamish walked around the table slowly and pulled another out of his pocket before crouching a distance from Jim and holding out his hand. He waited for Jim to willingly get closer and when Jim was close enough Hamish very slowly took Jims hand and then set the separate little ball in it before having him hold it up and open. "Chekov looks like he likes dragonflies… you look like you would like moths." Jim made a face and Hamish chuckled as the bug uncurled to be actually quite beautiful and elegant. Jim blinked "Butterfly." He said firmly and Hamish shook his head. "Moth. They are very deceiving you know. Most people think moths are boring and plain, that they have no color, but they are very beautiful… deadly. They are drawn to trouble though, but strong enough to fight through it, there is a breed on a planet close to earth that acts much like a phoenix… burn up then are reborn from the ashes." The mother flew up and landed on Jims head and Jim laughed "See? Drawn to trouble." Hamish chuckled to himself and Jim ran off with a big grin on his face.

Hamish pulled the dragonfly back out, letting Jim keep the moth, before he handed it back to Chekov and sat down on the free seat. Jim was showing Spock the Moth excitedly and just set off talking about how the nice man had given it to him, telling Spock what he learned, and saying he thought Spock was like a moth because Jim was a lot of trouble and he knew it. It was a big change from the complete silence.  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

"I would have much less objection to how Jim ate his food if he did not persist in placing his hands all over me afterwards," Spock sighed; even after having Kirk wash his hands after their first meal Spock was still fairly certain there was some jello juice in his hair somewhere. Though he had to agree; seeing Kirk as he was, it was quite a wonder as to how he'd managed to become almost-normal. Spock blinked wen Kirk scurried away for the first time without threat of bath or towel-drying over his head, and it was then the Vulcan noted what had caught Jim's attention. The Vulcan ate his own food while watching the interaction closely, making note to as Mr Scott if there was any technology missing onboard the ship, knowing Hamish was one of the eugens and therefore not in a position to just ask for the kind of metal and electronics that would make the mechanical bugs that had attracted Kirk.

Spock also made note to have a talk with ensign Chekov as Kirk bounced back, and then, amazingly enough, babbled on about moths and how he was like one. The Vulcan looked down at Kirk with a raised eyebrow, before giving a small, agreeing nod. "Just your kind of trouble. If I was drawn to all trouble, I would likely be deceased by now," Spock returned logically, finishing his food before glancing at Uhura. With Jim suddenly so open, it was now a bit less of a wonder to know Jim had turned out just fine. So long as the little Kirk had had people who cared and knew how to handle such a feral kid, it was no surprise even after his ordeal he'd turned out almost alright.

"Come along Kirk; lets go see how Scotty's work is coming along," Spock said, standing once Kirk had finished his food, even with the fun distraction his his new toy.

Chekov had been quite amazed as Kirk happily ran off, having spent the rest of the day seeing the little captain acting quite feral and defiant. "You must hawe siblings," the Russian said with a chuckle, eyes on Hamish as the other sat down. "You were wery good with him. And zese," Chekov said holding up the little dragonfly ball, "are amazing. I hope you will let me watch you make one sometime. But before zat; hawe you thought of which mowies you might like to see? We could go to ze archiwes after we eat," Chekov said, taking another bite of his own meal and seemingly expecting Hamish to go get some food of his own.

*

Scotty was just getting the final touches done with the teleporter when Spock walked in with Kirk, the Irishman grinning triumphantly at the two of them. "Great, I was about ta call yee both in! I got thee old girl up'n running alright, and I'm sure I figured out the problem. Just a simple mistake of the usual trans-warp and flow of time comparatively to space when pulling old transporter gobbilygook. Get the wee lad on the pad and we'll get him back te normal," the engineer said confidently.

"Very good Mr Scott," Spock said, walking Jim over to the teleporter pad, kneeling in front of the boy a moment. The Vulcan opened his mouth, but seemed to change his mind on what he was going to say and held out his hand instead. "It would be best you leave the ... moth, with me," Spock said, seeing as the last incident had gotten rid of everything Jim had been carrying on his person at the time and exchanged it with his childhood clothes and such. It was only logical to assume the same would happen now. "You need to stay right here on this spot; Mr Scott is going to return you to normal. Understand, Kirk?"  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Jim chuckled at Spocks confirmation and then he sat back in the others lap as he started to eat. Uhura handed him something she knew he could have, something sweet, and chuckled as Jim ate it happily before cleaning himself up and getting ready to leave again. It was an adorable sight to see, Kirk clutching onto Spock in such a way, Uhura wished the two could be that open as adults. She wasn't a fool, she could see where they were heading, Jim was the reason she had told Spock they needed to… just be friends. She had realized it the moment Spock had almost killed Khan for what had happened and she knew eventually Spock would realize that Jim meant more to him than just a best friend.

Maybe it would take an actual talk with Khan, a talk where Khan tells Spock that the same feeling running through him when he thought John was gone was the one Spock felt, or maybe it would just take Jim being… Jim for Spock to realize. Uhura knew Jim was already there, she could tell the day he died, but Spock was always the harder nut to crack.

Jim bounced along beside Spock willingly to the transporter bay and then when they got there he followed the other onto the pad a bit reluctantly before handing the moth over to Spock. Jim smiled at the man before giving him a hug and watching him step off the pad. A few moments later the beam lit up and Jim dematerialized then slowly came back together as himself right before Spock. Jim looked down at himself, then at Spock, and he laughed before hopping off the pad. "By god Scotty you did it!" Jim hugged the man then hugged Spock only to let go quickly and take a step back with a slightly embarrassed smile "Thanks Spock, really, I bet I was a handful…" Jim didn't remember it all but he remembered Spock and… he remembered thinking of him as Kitty.

**

Hamish looked down at the table then shrugged a bit, a smile on his face, he had a lot of siblings if he thought about it the right way. "My whole family is not okay… I have learned how to handle not okay, figure out what they need." Hamish of course was talking about more than just John, Khan, and Amy but Chekov didn't need to know that for now. Hamish looked up at Chekov when he mentioned the movies and he nodded enthusiastically before listing off a few movies that he had seen as a kid that he was looking forward to seeing again. "Pirates of the Caribbean… I would also like to watch Alice in wonderland." Hamish didn't really mind that all the movies he truly liked were for children, he had been a child when he saw them, so after Chekov had eaten Hamish jumped up and let the other say his good byes before he was rushing him to go find the movies.

After they found them Hamish took Chekov back to his special room with the tree and showed him that it now had a very comfortable sitting area and a tv screen before motioning for Chekov to sit down. "I don't think your captain would be happy with me being in your quarters and I am with my parents so here is the next best place." Hamish set everything up, turning on the first movie from the archive, and excitedly sat down. The only light was from the screen and the tree which made the whole situation a lot.. different than a simple movie night between two people who had just met. Hamish didn't know that though, he didn't realize this was what normal people did for dates, but then again he had never dated. He didn't even know Chekov but he already liked him enough to say he could be a friend… he didn't know much about him but he thought he would be a good friend.  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

Spock blinked, taken aback at the hug he received from little Jim, again feeling the oddly sad feeling at knowing he wouldn't have this anymore... have this what anymore? What was it about the clingy little child Kirk that was uncivilized, dirty, never listened to what he said (okay Kirk did that no matter how old he was, Spock had to admit that), and ... and also seemed to like him, 'cold' 'unemotional' Vulcan or not. And clung to him because of something more than just friendship; for security and security in an unexplored, untrustworthy world. And was open about it. But why would he want all that anyway? Spock, still confused on his current emotions, nevertheless gave the child a small smile before stepping back by Scotty and waiting. It only took a moment but there he was again; James T. Kirk, in the full-frown flesh.

"Of course I did it! I'm the best engineer you've got," Scotty laughed jovially back, grinning widely and giving the captain a hard smack on the back. "Good to have ye back Captain. An' actin' less childish than usual ... just a wee bit less then usual," Scotty snorted, amused at his own teasing of the 'perfect hair' captain.

Spock opened his mouth to likely give a similar 'welcome back', if in a less emotional tone, the relief and happiness in his eyes clear at having his captain back--When Kirk embraced him. Of course Spock had no idea what to make of it; though after years of standing through hugs he at least did not automatically stiffen as most Vulcans who had grown up without a human mother might. But he just had a very odd thinking look on his face as Kirk quickly pulled back, staring at the embarrassed captain. "... Yes, you were. Quite literally in fact," Spock said bluntly and without sugarcoating it; but then held out his hand with the small sphere on it for Kirk to take. "This is yours. And I believe you and I need to have a ... confidential talk, Kirk."

Confused feelings at the rush of joy he'd gotten at that second hug set aside ... Kirk definitely had much from his past he had not told Spock. And the Vulcan intended to get to the bottom of it, because he had not liked missing vital information while he'd spoken with Jim on the observation deck. He had not liked it at all, so he was going to simply ask Kirk point-blank for the full story for what had happened on Tarturus.

"Well if ye two don't mind, I'm going to go get myself a drink," Scotty said, looking between the two like a rat feeling some ship about to sink; time to high-tail it out of there. So the scottsman moved to head off and find himself one of his nicer bottles of hidden whiskey.

*

Chekov was not suprised to hear Hamish say he knew how to handle those who were 'not okay'; though he just laughed as the other excitedly listed off movies and Chekov quickly got an idea for which timeframe to look in when going through the archives. Late 20th century; early 21st movies were the range Hamish seemed to know the most of. So he said a quick goodbye to Sulu and let the excited eugen take him away. Though Chekov was a little surprised to find Hamish taking him back to the 'tree room' once they had plenty of movies to watch, he only grinned when he saw the couch and screen set-up, sitting down and letting Hamish out in the fist movies before the other sat down next to him.

As the old copyright bits and company logos went across the screen Chekov couldn't help but notice the ... setting, they were in. Movies, softly glowing tree and screen giving off an almost romantic atmosphere ... it was hard to miss if you know what it was. But a glance Hamish's way showed Chekov the other looked to just be genuinely excited for the movie, eyes wide almost like a kids would be. The Russian smiled a little, and decided to 'test the waters' a bit. Hamish was ... a very unique young man. Unique in a way Chekov found he couldn't help but like; Hamish was a odd blend of impossibly mature about some things and naively innocent of others, such as scial situations around other people, Chekov had noticed.

So the curly haired young man shifted so he was sitting close against Hamish, shoulders brushing against one another but little more than that. Chekov kept his eyes on the starting movie, not saying anything and just letting himself be comfortable ... and seeing if Hamish moved away. This was usually a good way to test ... well 'gayness' in most folks Chekov had figured. The Russian himself was not very good at knowing at a glance like some people did, but he knew how to test this much at least. And if Hamish did not move away, he could try putting an arm around the other, and say: "I thought you looked a little cold," as a cover. Though either way Chekov imagined they could be good friends, even if it did not work out the other way ... though the Russian was a little sad just thinking about it, despite having known Hamish for barely a day. Heck though, Hamish was a guy that really left a strong impression at a first meeting, that was for sure.  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Hamish was watching the movie excitedly, not paying very much attention to the little signals and cues of Chekov, he didn't care much when the other got closer to him. In fact Hamish quite liked the other getting close to him which was odd, he wasn't one to let people that close to him, then again he seemed to be doing a lot of strange new things with Chekov. Hamish felt comfortable around the other because he didn't look at him like everyone else, didn't talk to him like everyone else, to Chekov he wasn't a dangerous stranger or the kid of the group. Instead Hamish was brilliant and fascinating, not irritating or terrifying, it was all so… different and something Hamish didn't realize he had been looking for.

He had met so many people, so very many, after he had escaped and not a single one had treated him the way that Chekov had done so in just the short while they had known each other. Hamish found it kind of funny, a little odd, and it sort of reminded him of what John had told him meeting Sherlock was like. One minute they barely knew each other and then that very next day John was willing to kill for him. Hamish wondered if this was what it was like, this kind of connection and interaction, but then again he wasn't John. Despite how he acted most of the time he was much more like Sherlock so he would have to ask him about it all.

Hamish suddenly found himself leaning into Chekov as the other made an excuse about him thinking he was cold, a scene from some old movie Hamish barely remembered popped into his head, he couldn’t hide the smile that made it's way onto his face. "Most people would laugh at my choice in movies." Hamish commented as Frozen started playing "do you want to build a snow man". I know I was a kid when I saw these originally but I didn't stay a kid, I stopped being a kid long before I turned eighteen, I still watch these though." Hamish leaned into Chekov, lightly poking the others leg. "I may not be good at this but I get the arm thing… this wasn't supposed to be that kind of thing but I… kind of like this." Hamish chuckled a little, watching the movie rather intently even though he was talking.

**

Jim stared at Spock for a moment, taking the tiny moth ball, and then nodded for Spock to follow him. He guessed this was… the best time. Spock was obviously curious about how he had acted and the scars… Jim wondered if he should tell him that it got worse after that? That Spock had only seen him in the middle of it all and the things that were done to him were… inhuman. Jim guessed he could explain it all as they made their way to his room. "I don't want to talk about it in front of a whole bunch of people and on a strict basis… I shouldn’t even be telling you Spock. There are many reasons that what I am going to tell you has graced very few peoples knowledge one is my personal reasons and the other is the fact that I am not supposed to talk about what truly happened." Jim showed Spock into his room and then sat down on the couch.

He stayed where he was for a few long moments, thinking about what to say, and rubbed his hands together in thought. He was quite for a few long moments before he finally took a deep breath and decided it was better now than never. "There wasn't just a drought on tarsus." Jim shifted in his seat and stared down at his hands. "It wasn’t something as simple as thought… there was an all out famine. An exotic fungus attacked all the crops and yeah a lot of people died but… but it wasn’t what everyone THOUGHT." Jim took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "It wasn't the starving that killed everyone, there was plenty that could have lasted us all long enough for the fleet to get there, the high paying officials are just the ones that got it and the rest of us… the rest of us-" Jim ran his hands through his hair.

"Governor Kodos ordered an EXECUTION of all those in the outer city, then all those unable to work, then a few more just because he could. It wasn't just an execution he gathered everyone in groups, piled us into ware houses, and had his men fire into the crowed like we were animals. My aunt and uncle shoved me and Kevin out a small hole in the back of ware house when they realized what was going on and we had to run…" Jim rubbed his hands together again. "I think we ran for… for an hour till we realized we were covered in blood? Maybe less… maybe more I can't remember but they didn't use modern guns, no phasers, they shot everyone full of holes with actual bullets and out of all of the lower city I came from it was just me and Kevin." Jim shifted.

"For a while. I found more, lots more, kids like Kevin and I… We wanted to live so we did and it was hard but we moved and we kept safe but that didn't last. Kodos knew we were out there, I got to see his face before I fled, and before Starfleet could come he was there… he was taking me and the others back to his big home. He said he was our friend at first, said he was sorry, and like the idiot children we were we believed him… I believed him." Jim took in a shaky breath. "Kodos was a sick man Spock, I can't tell you everything he did, but I was only twelve… I think a lot of it I blocked out from the first incident because after that we escaped… what was left of us escaped and we limped our way somewhere safe and healed up. It wasn't that bad, so far as I know, beatings and questions but after that we weren't… human anymore. We were feral, wild, lost any sense of what it was like to be normal and fought tooth and nail with who ever came close to us." Jim swallowed thickly.

"I took care of the others, I watched them, I lead them around and then one day Kodos found me. Not us this time, I made sure of that, he just found me and he wasn't… HAPPY." Jim shuddered. "I find it funny… after I was saved I figured I would never have to hear someone calling me a whore again, even more so since I was just a kid, but it seems like that's the one thing that followed me from Kodos. He tortured me Spock, days and days, kept me awake and alert and… god I can't even… I still have nightmares from the rest of it. From all of it. I still have the scars I had to explain away to so many people, scars that are so old but so hard to just… explain away." Jim leaned back on the couch.

"What happened it's… it's why I hide food, a natural reaction from the starvation, it's why I sleep around because the nightmares go away if I know someone stays with me. I stayed with bones the entire time I was a cadet because if I slept alone I would wake up screaming, I still do sometimes if left alone, and dying? Dying reminded me of it all. Being right on that edge again and being able to look over and then fall? It reminded me of EVERYTHING and it terrified me because I never wanted anyone to know. I want to be normal Spock, not have nightmares or hide away, I can trick the therapists so easy because I know what they are looking for and I want to be okay but then I have a nightmare and I drink then sleep around. I never wanted you to know, in all honesty, because it's just so much worse than I could ever tell you. I was a kid Spock, I was just a damn kid, I didn't get to be a kid by anyones standards and when I was older I had no 'virtue' to lose because it was taken from me." Jim covered his eyes with a hand as he leaned his head back.

"That’s why I was so angry with my family… because my mom sent me to Tarsus and Sam didn't try to stop her… he only worried about himself and when I came back broken and beaten they left me in an asylum ALONE to handle that on my own while Kodos ran away. If it wasn't for the kids I wouldn’t have made it out, for Kevin, I wouldn't have made it back to myself. In the end I hated them, I didn't understand why they had done all they did, they had reasons and I still hated them. They couldn’t have known I forgave them Spock because I had no REASON to. No sane person would have but I did and never told them." Jim shook his head because he was feeling to much, he was falling apart, he was going to break down in a moment if he didn't stop this spiraling.

((Meh... Jim tells Spock a little early. Very unpleasant things happened to poor Jim. Though for some reason I just kept picturing him shouting "Spiraling! I am spiraling!" or saying "tell me how to not feel so this can not hurt me anymore"))  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

Chekov just grinned, seeing Hamish's smile. "I didn't hawe much chance to watch many mowies when I was younger; zere was not much time to spend idle. Many chores, much school ... just did not hawe the time, you know? It's nice to sit down now and hawe someone to enjoy zem with," the Russian replied. Chekov enjoyed the feeling of Hamish leaning against him, and the simple fun of just taking the time to sit back and watch kids movies like the children Chekov was pretty sure neither of them had really been allowed to be for long in their lives. The Russian had plenty of fond memories though, mostly of the tired nights when his father was gone working on the late shift and his mother, looking worn but happy, had told him stories until he fell asleep. This movie reminded him a bit of a few of those stories, in fact; if far nicer and with less people getting maimed or torn into bits. Chekov's mother had told him ... not-so-tame versions of stories, though the way she told them had made them fun instead of too frightening. Besides; the 'good guy' would always win in the end, even if he had to get killed and then brought back with some magical help along the way.

The Russian blinked as Hamish poked his leg, trying to look innocent as he could as the other seemed to know what was up. But Chekov couldn't help but smile hugely as Hamish admitted 'kind of' liked it. "I am glad; I like zis too. But if you grow to dislike it," Chekov added, "I can move." His tone was light and polite; they'd just met after all and he would understand if Hamish didn't want such physical closeness. Or, well, 'that kind of thing' with him. Chekov quite hoped the other would stay leaning against him though, and that they could try being, well, an item. Though the Russian had the feeling it would be slow-going with Hamish, Chekov actually liked the idea of just enjoying Hamish's company and slowly getting to know one another instead of focusing on a mainly physical relationship. He blinked as the happy-go-lucky song changed its tone though, and watched with a slight frown. Mostly because he knew what it was like to loose a parent; though really at this point he may as well have said he'd lost both and be done with it, even if only one was dead and buried.

*

Spock followed Kirk, listening attentively as Jim briefly detailed how there events on Tarsus were ... classified. The Vulcan did not object as Jim went on once they reached the captain's room and the other had sat down on the couch. Spock himself remained standing as he listened, planted in front of Kirk as the man slowly opened up to reveal the bear facts of the hell he went through. The Vulcan did not speak as Kirk went on, nor did his expression change. But if one knew him well enough it was obvious behind the impartial 'curtain' Spock was thinking and feeling quite a lot as Kirk eventually came to the conclusion of the story. Spock was silent a few moments, but felt Kirk's raised emotions. Many Vulcans could feel emotional upheaval if they were close enough to the source, and it was clear as day to Spock Jim going through the memories, reliving them, had triggered a bad reaction.

There were many options as to what to do next; but for once Spock followed gut along with logic and took a step forward, sitting down next to Kirk so they were on the same level before grabbing the other man. Grabbing being the apt term for what the Vulcan was trying to do; namely give Kirk a hug. Spock though was not well-practiced in such human traditions, so he just held onto Kirk in what would likely be either awkward or possibly comforting to Kirk. This was what humans did when another needed support, correct? Though this was also what humans did when happy to see someone again, or 'for free' in certain cultural gatherings. But Spock figured this was the best option to try. Even if he was as good at hugging as a cat was at barking.

"Kirk, you're alright," Spock said; the same words he'd had when Jim had turned into a kid and freaked out, but the same words worked. "Everything's okay." And as everyone knew, Vulcans did not lie. Or, at the very least, they did not talk around the truth often.  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Jim didn't know what to do, what to say, he wanted to fall apart and he felt like he was doing a pretty good job with how he felt at the moment. His heart was in his throat, his eyes misted over, then he felt the dip in the couch and Spock grabbed onto him. It was awkward at first, a strange wrapping of limbs touching in an attempt to mimic a hug, Jim didn't quite know what to do. He was stiff as well, unsure of what was going on, and then Spock was speaking and he was telling him that everything was okay. With so much certainty Spock was telling Jim it was alright and that he was fine even after all of that, like it was a fact of nature that Jim would be okay, and Jim couldn’t help but turn into the embrace and press close almost exactly like when he had been a child.

Jim breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down, and right there with Spock… he thought he might be okay. Because he would never admit it, not now that he was an adult, but Spock was his safety. He was his comfort and his tranquility after all this time together. If Jim thought about it, just truly thought about it, then he would know that Spock was the only reason he still functioned properly most of the time. Weather it was regulations, wake up calls, the other showing up at his door at random times… Blunt conversations or even Spock trying to keep him on the straight and narrow Spock was always right there and as long as Spock was there than Jim was okay.

Even when he was dying, his last breaths being taken before the Vulcan, he managed to not break down, he stayed strong because Spock was right there with him- Oh god. Jim pulled away like he had been burned, suddenly much to aware of what he was feeling and what this all meant, he had managed to fall in love with a damn Vulcan. Not a full Vulcan but mostly and damn it all this man was his first officer and as far as Jim knew he was just his best friend so what he was feeling was so far from okay. Jim didn't even know how it could happen, how had this whole mess happened, Jim just stared at Spock for a moment before standing and putting some distance between the two of them. "I am… I am very far from alright Spock. I… I…I am emotionally compromised." Because all he wanted to do was just curl up with Spock and that safety, to sit down and play a game of chess, to not feel obligated and it was horrifying that this had happened to Jim without him even noticing… how did you not notice you were falling in love with someone? Even more someone you are so close too? Jim couldn't even look at Spock, he felt ashamed, he had taken advantage of the kindness Spock tried so hard to show him against everything he was.

**

Hamish shook his head quickly when Chekov mentioned moving then gripped on tight to the other, as if daring the curly haired Russian to try and leave, though as the movie went on Hamish got distracted again. He knew what it felt like to be trapped, to feel like if you showed anyone what you could do that you would be feared, that was how most of his life had been. He lived hidden away when he wasn't killing or destroying and then when he was finally free he wasn’t FREE. He would never be truly free as a eugen, not ever, so to see one main character in much the same place Hamish sympathized with her. Hamish actually ended up curling into Chekov as he watched the movie, suddenly taking up a surprisingly small amount of space, he didn't even notice he had done it either.

If there was one silly thing he had gotten from his father's, Sherlock, side of the family it would be Sherlock's fathers love of romance stories and it showed as Hamish shifted around with different reactions for the movie. By the end he was playing with the back of Chekov's hair and had most of himself pressed against the Russian while he bit the knuckle on his free hand. He had absolutely no sense of normalcy in his head and the fact that he was completely comfortable to act as such with Chekov showed his poor socialization skills but at the same time it was… cute. Nothing like what most people would expect, not the pur calculations of Khan or the mind of a soldier, he wasn't tough and hard he was just Hamish. Just knuckle biting, rooting for the good guys to get the girl, Hamish.  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

At first Spock was beginning to believe he'd made some fundamental error in attempting the human practice of 'hugging' when Kirk ... pressed close against him and seemed to slowly start calming down, like the other had done when he'd gone feral. Somewhere behind the emotionless wall the Vulcan put up between himself and the world it felt ... pleasant, to know Kirk could still rely on him in this way. But then the captain rather quickly pulled away, making Spock raise an eyebrow. Perhaps he'd initiated the hug too long? The Vulcan had no idea on the real mechanics of such things, though further observation of Kirk's actions led Spock to believe he must have done the 'hug' thing incorrectly somehow. Why else would the captain obviously put distance between them and not meet his eyes? Clearly the other was simply being polite by not pointing out the exact obviousness of what he must've done wrong.

Spock remained sitting, calmly taking in Kirk's statement that he was emotionally uncompromised. "Indeed." He agreed bluntly. It was obvious. Then again to some Vulcans all humans were such poor masters of their own emotions they called the entire race 'emotionally compromised'. "It is a deep-set problem that is best properly addressed sooner rather than later. I am sure our mutual 'old friend' will know of some masters of neuropressure that could at the very least assist in lowering your stress levels for now." They had nowhere to be at the present date; there would be plenty of time for Kirk to put time aside to try and come to terms with his demons.

((Spock = totally clueless))

*

Chekov couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him as Hamish gripped onto him, the other's option made clear. Both quieted as the movie played on, the Russian taking it in for the first time while Hamish was rewatching the film for the first time in years. So it was almost like new for the both of them, and though Hamish was significantly more emotionally invested ... Chekov was pretty enraptured as well as the film rose to it's climax. Though having Hamish close enough to nearly be planted in his lap and the other's fingers playing with this tight curls was a tad distracting; though not in a bad way. Chekov quite liked how little boundaries seemed to matter to Hamish, if the other was aware of them at all. After serving on a ship for so long, casting off the usual formalities just to have Hamish knuckle-biting and leaning in as close as he wanted was refreshing.

Chekov kept his arm around Hamish, enjoying the other's unhidden reactions and emotions as the story played out; like a child enraptured by the magic of a bedtime story they loved, no matter how many times they heard it. Chekov couldn't help the grin that came on his face as 'an act of true love' did save the day, even if it wasn't the one most expected. Though having no siblings to speak of for himself, Chekov couldn't help but think of how Kirk had been willing to ... and had, given his life for everyone aboard this ship. Chekov couldn't help but admire that kind of willingness to sacrifice, the hard choice to make that many of the Bridge crew just found to be second nature more than anything. They were a family on this ship; and Chekov was beginning to hope Hamish would be around long enough to ... maybe become part of it.

Though as good triumphed over evil and the movie wound down to the epilogue, Chekov checked the time and sighed. He had early shift tomorrow, and could see he wouldn't have time for another film; not a full one anyway. As the credits started rolling the Russian spoke up. "I've only got about a half-hour free left before I really should get to bed; want to start a little of another mowie, or just ... talk?"  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Jim was glad that Spock was so oblivious to things that most people would find obvious because at the moment he needed to think… and talk to someone he knew wouldn’t begrudge him the panic. Jim nodded and looked to his computer in his room (cant remember what they are) before deciding it was best if he just…asked Spock to leave for this brief period of time so he could think. "I think I will take care of that on my own for now. I would like to say it was a pleasant conversation but given the manner of it…" Jim trailed off and then escorted Spock out of his room, closing the door without really saying anything, he let his hand slide off the button before he commed Bones… he needed to talk to someone and Bones would be outrage for a short bit but he was Bones…

"Hey Bones, guess who's not a kid anymore?" Jim chuckled as he sat in front of the screen "At least not physically anymore when you get the chance I would really like to get to talk to you.. Spock asked about Tarsus and a lot happened in the span of ten minutes." Jim bit his lip, waiting for a reply, and then when Bones gave the okay he bid him good bye and waited for him to come around. It never to the other very long but Jim always felt like it took forever. When Bones finally arrived Jim let him in then sat on his couch, waiting for some sort of cue from Bones or something, before he finally spit out everything that had happened. Spock asked about tarsus and instead of telling the normal lies Jim told him the truth, the whole truth, and Spock hugged him and-

"I feel horrible, absolutely horrible Bones, because it made me feel better. I may have used a lot of people in my life but I just can't… I feel like I have taken complete advantage of Spock and the friendship we have because.." Jim stopped, not knowing how to say the next part, he wanted to say he had fallen in love with Spock but how did you just say that? How could HE just say that when Jim didn't know the closes thing to love in most cases. He felt panicked, heartbroken, and confused all in one moment and it was hard to handle.

**

Hamish pulled away slightly from Chekov as the movie ended and then was a little sad to hear that the other had to go. Hamish wished it was that easy for him, to just say 'I have to sleep' then go to bed but it wasn't. He hadn't slept since he had woken up, not a single wink, and he knew it was starting to effect him but he wouldn't be able to sleep until he was dead on his feet… then he could pass out and hopefully get some shut eye. "We can talk, I don't mind that, it's been a while since I have just sat down and had a talk with someone who wasn't my parents." Hamish shifted around but kept the closeness and managed to rest his legs over Chekovs so that he could face the other while they spoke.

"We know each other's names so if we are going to talk we can check that off… you know what kind of movies I like, who my parents are, that I used to watch them when I was a kid and that I have siblings of sorts…" Hamish shifted a little and looked down. "I know you are a head navigator of the ship, you are my age only slightly older by a few months I think, you have lost one parent and have no siblings but don't mind children… you were born in Russia but didn't stay there though you eventually went back. You had a hard working family but a not so pleasant life… The obvious ones are you are very smart and garner more respect than you think though people still see you as a kid." Hamish looked away from Chekov. "I am sorry I pried, I got that from my father, I tend to be able to tell a lot from a person and from most of your reactions during the movie…." Hamish fiddled with his hands, just trying to think about what to say, before he shifted and nudged Chekov "I have a little sister biologically, if you want to know, her name is Amy. From age twelve I was raised to be a captain of an army  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

The Vulcan stood to his feet and simply nodded, leaving Kirk to gather himself. Though he did make a mental note to himself to either brush up on the fine mechanics of human comforting techniques before attempting to clumsily try them with so little prior research in the future. Because clearly his attempt had done less good in the long run despite apparently working at first. Spock just frowned to himself and walked back to his own quarters, relived to know that at the very least Kirk was not dying or altered. Though Kirk would need help to get over the past trauma ... well, less 'get over' because those sorts of events were not ones that could ever be truly forgotten. But the emotions they caused were clearly causing too much instability and echoed pain in the captain to be allowed to remain. So, Spock thought as he entered his room and proceeded to turn on his computer to do some research.

Bones looked as pleased as he could be to see Kirk a full-grown adult again ... but as soon as the Captain spoke on about how he'd told Spock ... well, everything, the doctor cursed, seeing the look on Jim's face and knowing this was not likely to be a fun conversation. He said he'd been there right away, then flipped back to Lana's channel and apologizing for the interruption but he needed to get some work done; and that they could go more over different rare alien viruses tomorrow, before he turned off his comm and did a very fast-walk/jog to Kirk's room. When he arrived he just came in and sat on the indicated couch, staring at Kirk with his usual disgruntled frown and waited until Jim got on with it ... and sighed heavily, wiping his face with a hand as the other trailed off at the finish.

"Goddamnit Jim, he's a Vulcan. A freaking logic system with a heartbeat! Sure, he has his moments, but for the most part he's a walking encyclopedia that'll punch you in the face if you insult his mother. Or kill you," Bones added then shook his head. "Look Jim just sit down and breathe, will you? All that panicking your doing is freaking me out." Bones crossed his arms and waited for the younger man to comply with a stern eye on the other before sighing. "Look, what I'm trying to say is it's really unlikely you're 'using' the elf. Sure you spilled the beans and he hugged you--how the hell does that even work? Getting hugged by a Vulcan? Was it like an automatic-door closing on you softly or what?--but he;s likely, you know, just trying to keep you 'properly functioning' or some other-- ..."

Bones paused and stared at Jim, stared at him hard. The other's panicked flipping out, actually opening up to Spock of all people, seeming to be flipping out more over Spock's 'friendship feelings' more than the fact he'd told Spock everything ... "Oh god," Bones said, half-groaning and ... laughing? "Oh god; no. No Jim, tell me you didn't. Tell me you aren't falling for that green-blooded stick-up-hiss-a** Vulcan."

*

Chekov smiled, leaning back on the couch as Hamish laid legs on top of his own, looking curiously at the other as Hamish started cataloging the known things between them ... only for the other to go far beyond what he'd ever said in words. The Russian looked appropriately shocked, the shock slowly turning to amazement as the other said that he'd got the information just from watching his reactions to the movie. He sat there in just contemplating silence before Hamish nudged him, and added a few facts about himself; one normal and one ... not.

"An army? Who's army?" Chekov asked because it made sense to him that if Hamish was raised to lead an army there had to have been someone was in charge of Hamish. "It's wer--very amazing you could see all zat just from looking at me! You missed a bit zough; I also ran away from home when I was fifteen." Chekov shrugged. "My parents did not approwe of my wanting to go to ze Starfleet Academy. So, I went without zere permission. I hawe not spoken to zem since, and ze only letter I was ewer sent was ze letter informing my of my mother's passing last year." Chekov shrugged. "What is, is." Though it was clear enough ... it was a sad topic for him still.

But the Russian put on a smile and changed the subject. "What's it like, hawing a little sister? If you don't mind me prying."  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Jim looked p at bones when the talking went silent, the other suddenly groaning, and Jim just knew he had been found out. He looked up at his chief medical officer and best friend then gave him a tight smile "I exposed an entire civilization to save him from a volcano Bones… I think I passed the falling faze Bones. " Jim felt defeated, like losing a game of chess, and he really wanted to ask if he could be blamed for it. He knew, he damn well knew, what Spock hid under that mask even if he said the other didn't feel because sometimes Spock tried so hard not to and Jim could still see it there and it was terrifying. Even before his run in with Salek, the mind meld, where no one else could see the contempt Jim always could. He could see every emotion that Spock tried so hard to his and not have for him.

Jim wished he could tell Bones all of this, tell him how much Spock cared once you paid attention, but he felt that would be a breach on Spock. Though now that Jim thought about it, actually thought about it, Spock seemed to only do these things for him. He seemed to only care about Jim in such ways, all that worry and fear, he had been so willing to care for Jim as a child and touch him… Jim could go on about the things that Spock did for him that he had not even done for Uhura and suddenly he felt like doing something very stupid.

(Should Jim run to Spock and kiss him? XD lol)

**

Hamish didn't want to talk about the army he had been in, he didn't want to even mention the wars or the person he had worked under, so instead he kept silent and just waited for Chekov to change the subject. When the other brought up his sister Hamish smiled "She is very young, technically only three, but she looks like she is ten. We were both genetically made as bargaining chips for our parents but with her something went wrong. Thankfully they stopped the aging process when we woke her up so we don't have to worry about that anymore and my dad has been looking into a way to revert her somehow." Hamish shifted "She likes to listen to stories and she is actually a very normal and happy girl, surprisingly enough, nothing has happened to her. She is more like dad than father though." Hamish chuckled.

"I had always hoped I would have more siblings, I think I still might, but it took a very long time for my parents to realize they loved each other. Dad was aways saying he wasn't gay and that Sher- Khan was just his "best friend" I found it funny because it really didn't matter in our day and age."  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

"How does that even happen?!" Bones guffawed, less mad and just incredulous at Kirk's seriousness with this thing. "Falling for a Vulcan--you know what, fine. Just, fine," the doctor threw up his hands in defeat, shaking his head, "Well you've done it. But now what are you going to do about it? Hell ... are there even Vulcan customs for this sort of thing?" Bones knew just about everything he needed to about Vulcan biology, but their culture? Traditions? Hell, Bones was pretty sure nobody on-board besides the resident Vulcan and maybe Uhura had actually brushed up on things like that. And even if the Vulcans were part of the Federation they were still secretive and very much on a need-to-know basis with giving out full details on rituals and all that.

"Well at least it looks like he likes you about as much as a Vulcan could ever like anybody," Bones had to admit; though he didn't say why. Having seen Spock sit in the med bay through the whole process of Kirk going from dead to not-dead (which had admittedly taken quite a while) made it even clear to Bones the Vulcan was invested in Jim's well-being, at least. Spotting the look on Jim's face, the doctor was quick to say: "No. I know that look Jim; whatever stupid thought is running through your head is not a good one so sit down and don't do it."

((Because Bones always loves it when Jim gets an idea, lol. Well if Jim does run off he'll run in on Spock quite focused on studying ... 'the hug' and its ways on his computer xD ))

*

"She sounds nice," Chekov chuckled, wondering at how a little girl could somehow come out of such an odd situation of life normal ... but then again, what life was ever 'normal' anyway? "Perhaps I could tell her stories some time, since she likes them. I know many, many stories," the Russian said confidently, though Hamish's slip of Khan's name made him raise an eyebrow, at first hearing the mistake as: "Shere Khan? Like ze tiger?" he asked curiously.

Though he laughed at hearing it had taken his parents a while to admit their feelings. It was a bit funny hearing about a man being defensive about his sexual preference in this day and age, considering there were a lot more things for the masses to gasp about. Like trans-species couples and things like that. 'God forbid your daughter end up married to a Denobulan!' or 'your son married an Orion?!' and all that. "It is funny. Zough human history is full of culture and societal rules now found to be horrifying or hilariously odd."

Chekov stretched out his arms above hia head, before relaxing and looking down at Hamiish's legs resting on his own, and smiled a little before fiddling with the other's shoes; trying to take them of. "One good thing; foot massages. Not hard ewen for an amature like me to do; care for one?" the Russian asked, pausing and looking at Hamish's face with a smile.  

[Killer_Kiwi_XD]

knux33

Jim glanced at Bones then the door leading to Spocks room. "I think I am going to go have a talk with my first officer." Jim grinned a little at Bones dismay then he stood up and headed for Spocks room through the bathroom like he had many times before. He knocked before entering, not knowing what Spock might be up too, then walked into the others room. This was either the dumbest thing he had ever done or the smartest, depending on how it turned out, and Jim was only hoping that it would turn out well enough that he wouldn’t feel horribly guilty in the morning. What Jim was expecting was to see Spock meditating, maybe just doing paper work, instead he saw him sitting at his desk with his monitor open and staring at instructions of how to properly hug and console someone.

Jim had to stop what he was doing, almost tumbling over, because there was Spock in all his confused glory trying to figure out how to hug properly so that he could console Jim correctly. Smiled to himself, knowing that whatever this was… it was so much more than he thought at first. Jim had snuck up on Spock in his room before, so he knew he wouldn’t get to harsh of a reaction, and so he wrapped his arms around the other's shoulders and rest his forehead on the shoulder he had bit as his younger self. "You did it right Spock, better than I would have expected." Jim pulled away and stared down at Spock. "I have my reasons… for my reactions. Ill show you." Jim wanted to just kiss Spock the human way, go bold or go home, but instead he realized he wanted to do this the.. right way.

Uhura had never taken the time to learn, no one did, but Jim had pulled everything he could out of Salek a long while ago and now he knew what to do instead of just smashing his lips to Spocks in a human gesture. Because this wasn't about Jim liking Spock for his human side, this wasn't about that at all, Jim wanted all of Spock for who he was and he wouldn’t force the other to show his emotions. Jim could read him, he didn't need to see it all on Spocks face, he understood all the other was after all the time they had spent so close and now Spock… Spock knew him. Jim wanted Spock to know that he accepted both Spocks sides, even the stubborn Vulcan one, so he extended his hand. His fist was closed with his middle and forefinger held out together. He knew what it meant, the vulcan form of a kiss, and his facial expression said as much. He was extending the offer, he wouldn’t trespass further, because Jim knew he was not the best choice but he hoped Spock would understand that he was willing to bend to fit ALL of Spock into his life should the other accept him… not just the human parts like the others.

**

Hamish stared at Chekov when the other asked about his fathers name, not wanting to elaborate because his father wouldn’t want people to know, then he just looked down at his hand. Chekov mentioned Amy and Hamish couldn’t help the smile that stretched on his face "Amy is a good girl." At the laughing at his father Hamish just chuckled as well and shook his head. "You know it just takes some people some time. Khan wasn't used to people loving him and then my dad… well he wasn't used to being in love with someone of the same gender. Before I was around they were stuck in the 21st century, a lot of gay hate then, and my dad just… thought he was straight. After they were changed though my dad just didn't care about those kind of things." Hamish knew it was because of what had happened to him but he wasn't going to tell Chekov that.

Hamish was surprised when Chekov removed his shoes and then asked to give him a foot massage, the concept odd to him, he had never had anyone do that kind of thing for him so he just sort of gave a jerky nod before leaning back and just watching as Chekov worked out knots that Hamish didn't even realize he had in his feet. Hamish felt a bit drifty very quickly, his head leaning to one side as he watched the other, he was very tired and from not having slept all of a sudden. "… It's been well over three days since I have slept." He said it more offhandedly than anything. "I can't sleep, I have a lot of nightmares, and things happen when I have nightmares. I am terrified to close my eyes." Hamish didn't know what he was saying all of that but…he didn't want Chekov to leave.  

[knux33]

Killer_Kiwi_XD

Bones of course objected; but Jim was already moving and going ... going; gone. Damn him; the doctor shook his head and sighed heavily, wondering whether it would be better to hang around just un case Jim did something to get the stuffing and tar beat out of him by the three-times-stronger-than-a-human Vulcan, or whether it would be best to just go seek out Scotty and try to pry some good scotch off of the Scotsman. The damned chief engineer was stingy about who he shared his precious alcohol with, but McCoy just shook his head and got up, figuring Kirk could handle himself. Jim was quite well-practiced in surviving a dent or two, and Bones figured a third wheel at this point was really not necessary. Besides; he had his own ... new lady aquatence to get to know while Jim was doing who-knew-what kind of foolishness (or trying to) with the Vulcan first officer next door. So the doctor got up and walked out with half a huff and half a smile on his face. He had to have the most idiotic best friend in all of the known universe, but hell at least he knew Jim was smart enough to know how to handle Spock ... maybe. Hopefully.

*

Spock did not flinch, nor look surprised when Jim seemed to come suddenly upon him and embraced him from behind. He was too much of a Vulcan to show startlement (despite any attempts from one such Captain as they had first begun starting serving together) though it was moments like this Spock came quite close to looking embarrassed. He had not ... intended for Kirk to ever be made known of his looking through archives on human behavior. Though feeling Kirk just embrace him so simply and naturally, pushing close without a hint of reserve did easily reflect their differences in expression, despite Kirk's assertion that he 'did it right'; and even complemented him on it as well. "Thank you, Captain," Spock answered automatically, though was inwardly not sure why Kirk had so suddenly appeared when the other had appeared adamant about having some time alone not fifteen minutes before.

Spock turned off the computer screen as Kirk let go; the vulcan also turning his chair around to face the man instead of craning his neck around; looking up at Kirk with one raised eyebrow as the other said he was going to explain his reactions. Very helpful; because right now they were not making very much logical sense. Then again humans rarely did when it came to matters of feeling; though Kirk had been far more harder to read than per usual and--

And then Kirk held out his hand in one of the few intimate gestures Vulcans had. Okay; Spock did not get surprised easily. But this one did it; his eyes widened and eyebrows went up just a bit; just a little. A very small show of emotion but for Spock it was more than enough to convey a lot. His eyes went up to Kirk's face, and he saw the other knew what this was; really knew, not just having read or heard about it somewhere. This was not a light offer; not a light gesture, not at all. Not to a vulcan at least; humans could kiss and touch freely without much restraint, but for a vulcan to 'kiss' someone meant a very great deal of intimacy and trust. And ... caring. Caring, obviously, was not something vulcans dared show many ... if any at all.

And yet here was Kirk, calmly offering. Not asking, or taking, just ... offering. Spock did not know what to think; a very rare thing. So he took a moment to feel instead. And he felt confused but ... the dots suddenly had a line to connect them, and things made sense. It was slightly frightening they did connect in this way but ... also relieving? Because Jim was his friend; his friend he cared very, very much for ... too much for, to really just call him a 'friend'. Spock remembered the wetness he'd felt in his eyes and the emptiness inside when he'd thought his Captain was dead and gone for good. The cold, dead kind of hate that had risen in him like a frost heave on cold planets ... and the sudden flare of hope and life back in himself when it seemed possible Kirk would live. Those emotions had been too intense to hold onto, so he'd tried ignoring them the best he could; shuffling them back and compartmentalizing them as life went back to the way it was supposed to aboard the Enterprise.

And yet here they were; Kirk reaching out to him. This was Jim; how could Spock possibly leave the other reaching out without reaching out in kind? Jim was not ... was not any friend. Spock still could not understand the nuances of the feelings going on, but he understood and respected this token on Kirk's part to come forward in ... his, logical, Vulcan way instead of just pressing their faces together.

So Spock composed himself, and slowly reached out with his own hand assuming the same gesture as Kirk's, lightly brushing their fingers. This was not just a physical touching of fingertips; between two Vulcans this gesture was also the lightest brushing of minds against one another. To lightly feel the tiniest bit of the feelings the other was projecting, to sample another's self and being without intruding. Some Vulcans could 'kiss' for hours upon hours, just getting to know one someone close to them that much more intimidatingly and even conversing, in a way, with these feelings. Of course the level of non-Vulcans able to feel anything through such a kiss depended largely from individual to individual.

Spock couldn't help but feel; well shy. He had never kissed anyone like this before. And in course he was embarrassed about the shyness, but those feelings rapidly altered into something ... very, very glad (even happy, though Spock was not one to use that word often himself) when he felt what Kirk was offering, really. It was warm; like the early morning Vulcan sun. Warm and ... like home. Like belonging. Like a lot of things Spock had never really realized he felt around and because of the Captain until now. Spock snatched his hand back after only a moment, a bit like how Kirk had jerked away from the hug, and simply looked up at the other. "... Oh." Well, now he very, very clearly understood Kirk's earlier reactions. Because Kirk had only just realized these feelings in himself.

*

Chekov smiled a little as it looked like Hamish was enjoying the massage he was giving him; enough to look like he was going to nod off at any moment. But when the other spoke up; well, Chekov was shocked, and paused a moment before resuming his careful rubbing and kneading-out the knots in the other's feet. "Nightmares, eh? Well, let me tell you something my mother told me about nightmares; you can't have nightmares if you hawe a good story in your head instead. So ... how about I tell you one?"

The Russian went from working the pads of Hamish's feet to lightly loosening the other toe-by-toe, and began his tale as he worked; focused on the words and work together. "Long, long ago, zere liwed a family out on the outskirts of the world. A father, and his daughter ... along with a step mother, and her own daughter. Life was not easy for zem, but they survived year by year. Until one cold, harsh winter it came to be they had not enough food for all four mouths that needed feeding. If one did not giwe up thier life, ze whole family would starve. Ze step mother; she screeched and howled at the father; how his daughter was ugly, and would newer bring any good to zere family. Because back then, beauty was the only prize husbands cared about; well, ze stupid ones anyway. And there were more stupid husbands than smart ones," Chekov explained quietly, as his mother had to him. "So, with a heawy heart, the father took his daughter out of the house, and led her deep, deep into the woods where he knew she would never be able to find her way home. And left her."

The russian glanced at Hamish, to see if the other was still awake. He could see the other was still torn between sleep and half-awakeness, so he continued, softening his massage now that most of the worst knots had been worked out of Hamish's feet. "So there the daughter sat, along in the woods in the middle of the coldest winter anyone had seen in decades. She knew why her father had done what he had; because he respected his wife, and could not argue with the fact that his step-daughter was in fact more beautiful than the daughter he lowed with all of his heart. She sat, and shivered as the cold kissed her exposed face and embraced her through the thick clothing she wore. She cried, but the tears turned to cold icy trails down her face as she awaited death's arrival. But ... it was not death who came to her in the wood; but a haggard old man, who looked as cold and miserable as she.

'Please,' he asked her," Chekov said in his best, low and rough voice, "'would you mind if we sat together for a while? It is dreadfully cold.'

'Yes,' she replied, shaking all over and wipping at her gem-like tears to try to get them off of her face, 'd-do as you please. But I'm afraid I hawe nothing to offer you in terms of warmth or food.'

'Why not?' the man said as he sat next to her in the snow. If anything, the old man was even colder than ice, with ragged old clothes and a rosey-red nose from the cold.

'I have nothing but the clothes on my back, and know no way out of this forest.' The abandoned daughter said, before clumsily using her numbed fingers to untie her cloak and offer it to the old man. 'If I am to die here, t-the least I could do is give you something warm to wear before I freeze.'

The old man took the cloak, but then offered the girl his own, not letting her refuse the trade. The daughter reluctantly donned the old, tattered cloak and found it was somehow much warmer than her previous one had been, beating back winter's cold from her bones as she wrapped it tightly around herself. Upon closer inspection, the inner lining of the cloak was made of an odd, thin fur that felt as smooth as silk and as warm as a summmer's day.

The old man also reached down into the snow after a time, picking up the frozen tears that had fallen from the girl's face and pocketed them, before pulling out a small purse and offering it to her without a word. Much to the daughter's surprise, the little bag contained several small diamonds and other gems, all expertly cut and gleaming.

'When tomorrow comes,' the old man said, standing to his feet, 'your father will come for your body to bury. Instead, he will take you home and you will use these gifts so that you and your family may live this winter.' With these words, he left her with warmth and fortune in the snow."

Chekov paused once again, tale not finished, but smiling as he saw that Hamish looked to be well and good asleep. The russian yawned widely himself, and shifted a little to make himself more comfortable on the couch before closing his own eyes. He wouldn't feel right, leaving the other all alone. Especially with only a story half-finished. So, Chekov closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep right there himself.