[Fin] Not such a good evening

[TawnyAngel]

"Ah, do not trouble yourself, I have had worse," Zevran replied, levering himself into a sitting position and waving a hand dismissively. "Thank you," he added as he reached out to accept the glass of water; there was still a slight tremor to his hand but he seemed far steadier than he had a few hours ago. After a couple of sips of the blessedly cool water Zevran nodded and shrugged. "I do but I don't think I will be sick again. Not that I have a lot to be sick with but you know what I mean." Dry retching wasn't a lot better than vomiting, it generally hurt and you still felt awful and tasted bile but all without the odd relief that came after emptying your stomach.

While the humans talked Amigo crawled quietly into Zevran's lap and curled up again looking thoughtful, insofar as a Caterpie could.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

At first Abel wasn't sure he believed his friend, but then he recalled the various scars that he had and rescinded the thought. He very well may have had worse at some point, it was just hard to imagine after what he'd seen the night before and earlier that morning. Once Zevran had taken the glass of water, the taller blond waited a few moments until he'd finished drinking it before reaching his hand forward to gently brush the back of it to his friend's forehead. He was rather warm earlier, hopefully it had gone down since then and not up. "Yeah, I know what you mean," he replied with a small, wry smile, "and that's good. The not being sick again thing, I mean. That's never any fun." As he'd hoped, his friend seemed much better now, all things considered.

"And how's Amigo doing?" He asked as he withdrew his hand from Zevran's forehead and looked down at the Caterpie curled in his lap, though he couldn't really tell how he was. He'd never really had much experience with bug-types before - Vanessa hardly counted - and he couldn't tell if the bug was tired, upset, thinking, or what else.  

[TawnyAngel]

While Zevran's skin was still about as warm as it had been earlier on the sheen of sweat had mostly gone; his brow was still a little clammy but no more than that. "Mmmmh, your hands are nice and cool," Zevran commented, closing his eyes to enjoy the sensation.

When Abel mentioned Amigo however Zevran opened his eyes again and looked down at the bug. "I think he is okay, physically anyway," he said, scratching his little friend behind the antennae. "He seems subdued though, not himself at all." He felt much the same himself, worn out despite only just having awoken and in a way that had little to do with his achy muscles or pounding head. "I suppose last night scared him too," Zevran added when it seemed that the bug wasn't going to provide any input himself.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The corner of his lips twitched up into a smile and he returned his hand to Zevran's face, not to check his temperature anymore but to press it there since apparently it felt nice. Sonia got up from her spot on the floor and padded out of the room. "Ah.." Abel's gaze dropped back down to Amigo, his brow creasing as he frowned. "I'm sure it did," he said once he'd found the words. "It very well could've scared him the most."

Isaac pushed himself to his paws so he could walk around Abel and plop down near Zevran's leg, settle his head on the shorter blond's knee, and looked at the Caterpie with concern. He certainly did look fine, but...  

[TawnyAngel]

It struck him that this had to be a nice way to live, with somebody who really cared about you that was. Somebody to laugh with, eat with, to simply be with, and somebody who cared when you were hurt and would look after you.

"Ah?... Yes, I suppose I was not in much of a position to be scared myself from what you have said." Zevran shrugged, a frown creasing his brow as he tried to remember - something, anything. "We were lucky you happened to be out shopping," he added after a moment, pursing his lips slightly and shaking his head. He wished he knew more about how he had acted, about anything specific he might have said, but he didn't want to ask again. When Isaac's head came to rest on his knee he reached over to stroke the soft fur behind the Espeon's ears, hopefully he wouldn't mind.

Amigo replied, uncurling a bit and turning to regard Isaac.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Not really, no... Actually," he frowned as he replayed the night before in his head for probably the umpteenth time, "that's a lie. You definitely weren't yourself, you were really out of it - like a zombie almost, like I said - but..." He trailed off for a moment to try and think, and to also take a sip of his coffee. "I don't know how aware you were, I don't know how much you really understood, but you at least seemed aware enough to know that something was wrong. When we first saw you, I think you tried to stop walking with what's-his-name but he wouldn't let you, and you seemed nervous and afraid after that, even when you were here. You didn't seem to recognize us at all," he finished with a frown. It had been.. an experience. "But yeah, I'm still really glad we went shopping when we did. I've been trying not to think about what would've happened if we didn't."

Sonia returned at that moment to offer a damp washcloth to Abel; he accepted with a word of thanks and then offered it to his friend if he wanted it.

Isaac didn't mind the attention, but he didn't lose focus on the conversation. He frowned a bit, his ears flicking backward against his head. It was a delicate situation, and he wanted to choose his words with care.  

[TawnyAngel]

"Ah," Zevran said again, taking the washcloth more or less by reflex and then simply holding it rather than doing anything with it. "I don't... I don't know," he shook his head and a trace of anxiety started to work its way into his expression again. "I don't remember, I don't think I do anyway.... Ah, you know those drugs can do funny things to people. It's probably nothing to think more about." ...He should probably have stopped talking a sentence before he had, that would have sounded more casual. Maybe Abel wouldn't think more about it anyway? He hoped not.

Amigo agreed with a nod. could have helped this time.>  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Maybe he should just stop talking; Zevran was starting to look rather upset again. "All right," he agreed easily, "I won't mention it again if you'd rather I didn't."

the psychic-type nodded in agreement. Or get away from something or someone, as was the case in his situation.  

[TawnyAngel]

"Aha, what, no it's fine, I don't...." This was not going to fly with Abel was it? Zevran dropped the bright smile he had put on, sighed, and shook his head. "I just don't know. Nothing quite like this has... I'm not sure how to explain," or how much, or if he should, "but it.... I haven't been drugged like that before, that I recall at least. I...." He did trust Abel, didn't he? He did. Maybe it was foolish but he did. "I just hope I didn't... ah, that I didn't make you think less of me or... Well, yes, mostly that."

Amigo nodded again,  

[BlackFireKitsune]

No, such antics were not going to fly with Abel. He frowned a bit at his friend's attempt - it was obvious that it was not fine - but he wasn't about to comment unless Zevran wanted to talk about it. And he did, it seemed. What he heard wasn't what he expected though, and his brow furrowed to show it. "I don't think that really needs any explaining, I'd sincerely hope that's never happened to you before. Once seems like more than enough." He didn't... He didn't want him to think less of him? Really? Abel felt his heart drop a bit. "Of course I don't think less of you, how could I?"

Isaac said with a nod, though he wasn't entirely sure. He didn't know them too well, after all, but he hoped they'd help. he finished carefully.  

[TawnyAngel]

It was difficult.

Zevran managed to set the glass down somewhere safe before drawing his knees up to his chest. "You say it as though it is such a simple thing," he replied eventually with a half-hearted lift of his shoulders. "Where I grew up we- our services were- We were expected to-"

Zevran shook his head again, sharply as though he was trying to dislodge something and then allowed his head to rest on his knees. "I don't feel myself yet," he muttered, hoping that this might somehow be set against what he had blurted out.

Amigo agreed, It had to be a start right?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Well, it is simple for me," the blond said with a light shrug. He shifted to his knees so he could swing himself around - carefully of course, since he still held his mug of coffee in one hand - and plopped back down beside his friend so he could slip his free arm around his shoulders. Where he grew up, his - their - services, what he was expected to do... He only knew the name of the place he'd once lived, not what was expected of him or his services. Maybe someday he'd know more specific details but right now he didn't, so that didn't matter. What mattered was his friend was still trying to grasp the concept of friendships in which nothing was expected, where no one was obligated to do certain things.

"You were expected to perform regardless of what you were going through or suffering from," he ventured hesitantly, uncertainly, and treading carefully as he begrudgingly recalled his time working for an unscrupulous individual that had taken advantage of him, "and they wouldn't accept any excuses? You mattered more as a set of abilities than as an individual?" There were businesses and employers like that everywhere, sure, but not all of them were that cold. Zevran had said the city was... What was it again? Ruthless? Merciless? No, cutthroat. Just how cutthroat was it? Did he even want to know?

"I don't know if any of that's actually true or not, but at the very least it sounds like you're from somewhere that's... Well." A frown formed on his face as he tried to think of the right words. "Somewhere that's a little lacking in compassion, I guess." Setting that aside for the moment, he gave his friend's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I kinda doubt you'll feel like yourself for another day or so, until everything's out of your system." Physically and mentally, though he expected the latter would take longer than the former... It usually did, in his experience.

Isaac nodded, offering the bug an encouraging smile.  

[TawnyAngel]

Why was he talking like this? Whatever was running through his system must have loosened his tongue. Much as he didn't like to admit it though it sort of felt good, not to talk but that Abel listened and understood where he was coming from. The arm around him felt good too and he lent gratefully against Abel's side.

"Yes," Zevran replied after a brief silence with a half-hearted half laugh, "you are perceptive my friend, that is exactly correct. It was not so bad though, it was normal to me," he went on, raising his head again and flashing Abel a brief tired smile. "Not to say I never wished things otherwise but like you might wish to, oh, win the lottery or some such thing; a fleeting thought that soon passes." This was better though, much better. There had been a certain amount of prestige back in Antiva that he lacked here and he had never needed to concern himself with where to live for example but he couldn't imagine going back to it now.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

When Zevran leaned closer, Abel gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and idly rubbed his thumb over it. "Ah, I think it's only half perception," he admitted thoughtfully, "but that's understandable, especially if that's the kind of situation or city you grew up in." If that was what you grew up knowing, why would you think it wasn't normal? You wouldn't, unless you experienced something different at some point.

The blond hummed lightly as he pondered his friend's words. He hadn't thought much of trying to change his circumstances then? Or at least not for a while. "So when did wishing things were different turn into actually making it happen yourself? If you don't mind me asking," he added quickly. Truthfully he was getting rather curious about his friend's past and the place he used to live.  

[TawnyAngel]

"...Ah." That. He could hardly tell Abel the truth that much was obvious, what he was unsure of was whether to refuse to answer at all or to tell him some of it but leave out the most damning details. Zevran hugged his knees a little closer to his chest and looked down as the impulse to share and the instinct to hide tugged against one another in his chest. Maybe it was wiser to stay silent on it all but he had never been particularly wise; the desire to seek comfort was winning out over complete secrecy.

"I was part of... shall we say a less than scrupulous organisation? I had been so since I was a boy, the rewards were not bad but only so long as one remained useful. Ahh... Yes, but you asked what made me make the change not for my life story." Zevran cleared his throat hard. "So. To cut a long story short somebody I cared for was killed and nobody cared. She was," he made a helpless gesture, "a broken tool, that was all. I could no longer stand to be there in her absence and so I left but it is not the kind of group you can leave while still breathing so I got out of Antiva, out of Thedas. Ha, and here I am now telling you." And he had lied to Abel, or at least he had deliberately hidden the truth. He did not feel good about that, not at all, but so it had to be if he didn't want his friend's concern to shift to disgust. He disgusted himself. He should just have stepped off the railings of the ship like he had planned but he hadn't had the courage back then and now... He could never forgive himself for what he had been party to but he had started to see that he could have a life beyond it, a good life. Rinna would have liked that, he thought.