A lot like this song shows, my former abuser would never admit her/his wrongdoings. We thought we had it all, doing everything together for years, buying everything we could for one another, etc. But it slipped away too many times. And today I'm free. Today, marking period 2 ended, and my class with my former abuser in it is over. I'm free. I never have to speak to her/him again. So farewell, the light on the horizon is brighter today. Your masquerade you attempted to play upon me once again, the false kindness and understanding, it's over. Goodbye, and best life to you.
Traitorous Blood (still a working title, I know it sucks a** and I hate it, too), is now at 30 pages! And I've only been writing it for about 2 weeks! I'm not sure, it's probably going to be a relatively short book of just over 100 pages, but the thing is I don't want it to be short. I would love to lengthen it, but I'll have to find ways. I'm sure there will be plenty, especially if I keep in the character, Taran.
Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:26 pm
Got another stripe toward my brown belt tonight! It's official, 110 weeks left until I can test for black belt!!!!! 9 long years later, and a tough other 2 ahead. I'm going to kick a**, train hard, and I'm scared. But 110 weeks will leave lots of time to confront my fear of violence, overcome it, and prepare to fight.
Well s**t. There's a damn good chance I've got something called Reye Syndrome. It comes with the lupus, and Mom's got it. My hands have been getting cold, then go entirely numb and the fingers get horridly stiff. It's a challenge for me to type this out, even now. Everything is frozen solid and it feels like I stuck my hands in buckets of ice until I couldn't feel them anymore or ever again. Oftentimes I find myself breathing hot air on them, or putting them inches from the fires in the fireplace or against the heating vents of the house or cars. I feel like I need to wear gloves every moment of every day. This is insane. It's been going on for months. My writing in school is impossibly difficult because of this. It's like someone tells you that you have to go outside in winter weather without gloves for 20 minutes, come inside and write a 5 page essay right away. It's so impossible. I want to ******** cry, I can't take this anymore. Gods above do I have to live with this s**t for the rest of my life please help me...
Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:45 am
I'm ******** pissed now. DO NOT DONATE TO CARS4KIDS!!! My mom had a fantastic van for years, and yeah it had a few problems here and there but it was the best thing ever for a large family like ours. We wanted a new one, though, because we weren't able to keep up with the repairs it needed and we had our eyes as a family on a new van for a while that'd be better. So my mom decided she was going to donate the old van to a company that was supposed to give it to a shelter for single parent mothers who can't afford a car and need to take care of the families. The company crushed the ******** van. They sold it for scrap, they didn't give it to the family who could have absolutely used it for everything it was. The company is Cars4Kids. Don't donate to them. It's not worth it.
"Nobody will agree with every last thing you say and do. Nobody will support every last action you take, path you walk, choice you make. Nobody except you. So say things you agree with, do things you agree with, support yourself, support your actions, support your progress and support your choices. Be proud of you. Be the you that you unconditionally support and agree with." -Magnus Hjaelmar Tomasko
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:54 am
It's been a crazy start to my week. razz Got a gang member in the store who just... bought something then left running and rapping slurs and curse words even though we're a family-friendly store. My testosterone situation got labeled dire need and the company has 72 hours to respond, and even my doctor is saying this is ridiculous already. 600,000 inhalers got recalled so I need to check all of mine and pray I don't get ******** over.
At the same time, though, once I start testosterone and have returned from my senior trip, I'm starting American Ninja Warrior training with my friend, Garret! It's best I start a workout routine anyway because testosterone messes with all my weight gaining patterns. And in doing so, I'm also starting my dream of being the first transgender person to compete on American Ninja Warrior, and show other children with lupus, asthma, and arthritis that this isn't the end and you can defy your disabilities and stretch your limits. It takes extreme willpower, but even if your whole body says no you can go beyond that no. You know your limits, but only when you try to achieve them.
Period depression is nothing but hell for me but... it's not impossible to handle. Sometimes just putting on my headphones and blasting soft LoTR Dwarven songs and watching the videos that go with them, immersing myself in something I love and forgetting about the sadness, it's great and makes everything so much better. smile Depression makes you sometimes forget that there are things you love and they help. But if you just reach out to them it makes everything better. smile
Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:59 pm
Galactic Empire is going on tour for several concerts near me, and they play metal versions of Star Wars music!!! I'm hoping to see them, tickets are under $20 each so it's totally worth it!
My boyfriend sent me a CD today for Valentine's Day and it's a Mago de Oz album!!!!!!! That's what he and I first listened to at all when we video chatted for the first time, and we've listened to them nearly every time since!!!!!
Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:43 am
dfvlnndfkjjn Every time I take a test like "Which god is your parent" or "Which mythological being are you most like" or "Which dark legend are you" EVERY ******** TIME I GET HADES BUT IRONICALLY I LOVE HADES SO MUCH WHAT DO I MAKE OF THIS
I wound up with the stomach flu yesterday and had to get an IV shot to stop vomiting, then was prescribed meds to make it so I could eat again. I slept all day yesterday, I didn't even want to eat or play videogames, two of my most favorite things ever. But today I'm much better, I'm back to full energy and I'm going to go on a walk, and I've been eating plus I played a few rounds of Overwatch then nearly finished my Reinhardt drawing!! biggrin
Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 2:13 pm
Watching Coco made me cry. Such a beautiful movie, and it further inspires me to continue with my love of music and Spanish. Just when I thought I'd abandon musical talent forever... smile
Ima keep singing. Even when I go on testosterone, and my voice drops, it's not gone. I'll keep singing, it's my musical instrument. Let my voice be heard, not die.
WE FIGURED OUT WHAT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING WITH THE TESTOSTERONE SITUATION!!!!!!!!! I need to order 15-day supplies for the first 2 orders, then the rest will be 90-day supplies and that's it!!!!!!! What the ********?!?!??!??!!!?!?!????? I'm so excited the doctor sent in prescriptions for it and just??!!?!?!?????!?!!!?!?!?!??! IS THIS GONNA BE IT AM I GOING TO ACTUALLY REACH MY GOAL AND START TESTOSTERONE BEFORE GOING TO DISNEY??????????????????????????
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