3 weeks vs 15 weeks! biggrin Happy 3 months of me on testosterone!!!
Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 7:26 am
My face is so angular now and my sister just keeps coming up to me and like... shaping it out with her hands xd
It's so strange but in a good way looking back at how much my transition has helped change me! I feel so much happier, my depression is nearly gone, and though I have doubts frequently I look back at my progress and then the depression goes away. smile I'm so full of energy and I actually want to do things now, too. It's great. I love it, and I love myself.
So I bought a gorgeous leather journal from Barnes and Noble today. It's handcrafted by a company in Italy and has gold leaf engravings, and the entire design is engraved and embossed leather. The entire piece reminded me of the Arthurian/medieval era which is what inspires literally everything I create and do. Everything I make stems from legends, history, etc of the dark ages to medieval eras. Without it, I wouldn't be a creator of anything.
I can't wait to fill this journal with epics and tales over several years and someday publish some of them. smile
Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2018 7:41 am
Just what I needed to hear...
Last night my family and I attended Art All Night in Trenton, NJ. We left hours before the shooting. But I woke up today to the news and.... I'm speechless.
Irony within it all, upon entering the main building the first piece of art is a collaborative art project. It asks "Imagine a world without gun violence. What do you think?" Then people filled out colored sheets of paper with their thoughts and they got added into an abstract piece formed by them when rolled up and it formed a tree. People, with the colored papers, could also fill out a sign up sheet about the anti gun violence organization, and you had to select whether you were a gun violence victim, survivor, knew survivors, etc.
Over half the pieces at Art All Night were about gun violence. Most of the pieces there were political. I just... I'm stunned. Gods above I'm stunned...
I'm really relieved. I have one friend, a sophomore, who lives in a very abusive household. I have no right to say what all happens but it's not alright. He changes emails weekly fearing his guardians will find out he plays videogames and stuff.
A while ago, I told the sophomore about homeless shelters and how we have some in our town. For the past two months he's been actively seeking them out, then went to our school guidance office and they're helping him, too, now. And this summer, hopefully, he will get out of the abusive home forever and live safely. I gave him my email, as I've given a few, and told him if he needs anything to email me. Literally, I've told him we should create a keyword to use so his guardians still won't know what he's saying, and if he says it I'll know to come get him. I am very protective of my friends, I will let them confide in me, and I will save them however necessary.
To anybody living in an abusive household, this isn't the end. People are there to help find a safe space for you to live. No matter how long you have to wait to get away, you will be free someday.
Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2018 8:31 am
My next cosplay avi is going to be Thorin Oakenshield. I truly love LoTR and I'd really like an avi cosplay for one of the characters. Eventually I'll probably do a Nazgul, too, maybe the one in Shadow of Mordor. Currently I'm having trouble with finding the chestpiece properly for Thorin. It's got like... long almost hexagonal diamond shapes.
So. There’s this extreme homophobe/transphobe/everythingphobe who is literally your typical white suburban strict catholic republican mother. I’ll hide her name, and call her Leah.
I’ve known Leah for about 6 years now, the first time we met being with her daughter and I as friends in middle school. I didn’t know then I was transgender, or gay, but her daughter like… always knew asap and she and I joked about it without Leah knowing. But after we graduated middle school, Leah’s daughter and I kind of lost touch. Therefore, I had not seen Leah in about 6 years. And I came out during that time. And she had no idea.
Tonight, I was at work. At five registers there simply was me and my coworker. It was the end of my shift, but coworker occupied with her customer I realized I had to take the last one in line. She looked vaguely familiar and I couldn’t make out who it could possibly be. Her stature, pressed lips and strawlike blond hair…
“Hi!” I said in my usual, customer-friendly, cheery tone.
“Hi.” The response was short. Strained.
Leah looked down at her feet, a scowl on her face while her glance occasionally switched to me, now standing before her, masculine, and donning several Norse Pagan necklaces as well as Mjolnir earrings.
I hesitated, shoulders tensing. Should I scan her items? Should I ask my coworker to take Leah? But upon looking, my coworker had occupied herself with another customer and nobody else stood empty at another register.
We were stuck together. In stalemate. Queer, gay pagan, and fearful, strict Catholic who hadn’t ever known for 6 years I was trans and gay.
Leah threw everything onto the counter. She didn’t touch it. I scanned every item silently, holding my breath, setting it into the bag, then lifted the bag to her. And Leah awkwardly grasped the bag, well below my hands mind you, then set it down so she wouldn’t have to hold it. Wallet out she shifted from the money pocket and to card, then put it in. That way, she wouldn’t have to grab anything from a gay trans man.
“Thanks.” I said frankly.
“Thanks.” Leah instantly pulled the card out like her life depended upon it and spun away, her entire body visibly red and tenser than snake constricting its prey.
I spun around to my coworker and burst out with laughter and smiles. Leah literally had no option but to come to me for checkout. She had to face all her fears in one go: a liberal gay trans pagan man who supports abortion. I feel like my entire life is complete.
Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2018 7:54 pm
Something people need to remember is their opinions are valid regardless of what others say, whether for better or worse. Whatever you think is right to you, is wrong to others, right to others, but it just matters what you think. Your opinions are YOUR opinions, not the others who judge them.
So. There’s this extreme homophobe/transphobe/everythingphobe who is literally your typical white suburban strict catholic republican mother. I’ll hide her name, and call her Leah.
I’ve known Leah for about 6 years now, the first time we met being with her daughter and I as friends in middle school. I didn’t know then I was transgender, or gay, but her daughter like… always knew asap and she and I joked about it without Leah knowing. But after we graduated middle school, Leah’s daughter and I kind of lost touch. Therefore, I had not seen Leah in about 6 years. And I came out during that time. And she had no idea.
Tonight, I was at work. At five registers there simply was me and my coworker. It was the end of my shift, but coworker occupied with her customer I realized I had to take the last one in line. She looked vaguely familiar and I couldn’t make out who it could possibly be. Her stature, pressed lips and strawlike blond hair…
“Hi!” I said in my usual, customer-friendly, cheery tone.
“Hi.” The response was short. Strained.
Leah looked down at her feet, a scowl on her face while her glance occasionally switched to me, now standing before her, masculine, and donning several Norse Pagan necklaces as well as Mjolnir earrings.
I hesitated, shoulders tensing. Should I scan her items? Should I ask my coworker to take Leah? But upon looking, my coworker had occupied herself with another customer and nobody else stood empty at another register.
We were stuck together. In stalemate. Queer, gay pagan, and fearful, strict Catholic who hadn’t ever known for 6 years I was trans and gay.
Leah threw everything onto the counter. She didn’t touch it. I scanned every item silently, holding my breath, setting it into the bag, then lifted the bag to her. And Leah awkwardly grasped the bag, well below my hands mind you, then set it down so she wouldn’t have to hold it. Wallet out she shifted from the money pocket and to card, then put it in. That way, she wouldn’t have to grab anything from a gay trans man.
“Thanks.” I said frankly.
“Thanks.” Leah instantly pulled the card out like her life depended upon it and spun away, her entire body visibly red and tenser than snake constricting its prey.
I spun around to my coworker and burst out with laughter and smiles. Leah literally had no option but to come to me for checkout. She had to face all her fears in one go: a liberal gay trans pagan man who supports abortion. I feel like my entire life is complete.
Being honest, I would have a similar reaction, the LGBT idea was never there as I was growing up. I’m slowly understanding it, but if I screw something up, don’t take it personally. The pagan necklaces and stuff would have made me mentally come to the conclusion that “this guy is a weirdo”...
Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2018 6:17 pm
delasislas
Paladin Magnus Dawnguard
So. There’s this extreme homophobe/transphobe/everythingphobe who is literally your typical white suburban strict catholic republican mother. I’ll hide her name, and call her Leah.
I’ve known Leah for about 6 years now, the first time we met being with her daughter and I as friends in middle school. I didn’t know then I was transgender, or gay, but her daughter like… always knew asap and she and I joked about it without Leah knowing. But after we graduated middle school, Leah’s daughter and I kind of lost touch. Therefore, I had not seen Leah in about 6 years. And I came out during that time. And she had no idea.
Tonight, I was at work. At five registers there simply was me and my coworker. It was the end of my shift, but coworker occupied with her customer I realized I had to take the last one in line. She looked vaguely familiar and I couldn’t make out who it could possibly be. Her stature, pressed lips and strawlike blond hair…
“Hi!” I said in my usual, customer-friendly, cheery tone.
“Hi.” The response was short. Strained.
Leah looked down at her feet, a scowl on her face while her glance occasionally switched to me, now standing before her, masculine, and donning several Norse Pagan necklaces as well as Mjolnir earrings.
I hesitated, shoulders tensing. Should I scan her items? Should I ask my coworker to take Leah? But upon looking, my coworker had occupied herself with another customer and nobody else stood empty at another register.
We were stuck together. In stalemate. Queer, gay pagan, and fearful, strict Catholic who hadn’t ever known for 6 years I was trans and gay.
Leah threw everything onto the counter. She didn’t touch it. I scanned every item silently, holding my breath, setting it into the bag, then lifted the bag to her. And Leah awkwardly grasped the bag, well below my hands mind you, then set it down so she wouldn’t have to hold it. Wallet out she shifted from the money pocket and to card, then put it in. That way, she wouldn’t have to grab anything from a gay trans man.
“Thanks.” I said frankly.
“Thanks.” Leah instantly pulled the card out like her life depended upon it and spun away, her entire body visibly red and tenser than snake constricting its prey.
I spun around to my coworker and burst out with laughter and smiles. Leah literally had no option but to come to me for checkout. She had to face all her fears in one go: a liberal gay trans pagan man who supports abortion. I feel like my entire life is complete.
Being honest, I would have a similar reaction, the LGBT idea was never there as I was growing up. I’m slowly understanding it, but if I screw something up, don’t take it personally. The pagan necklaces and stuff would have made me mentally come to the conclusion that “this guy is a weirdo”...
Fair enough, I respect that and I wouldn't dare take insult or offense to your efforts because they show you're trying! biggrin I appreciate that, as should any sensible LGBT+ person and if not they're a jerk and you should leave them. You are great, so respectful, and what you do shows you're willing to improve!
Leah, though, she staunchly hates anybody LGBT+ to the point where, my school principal is a lesbian and Leah told my mom, "UGH! Those LESBIANS!" then proceeded to put her finger in her mouth and make a gag sound. Later on her husband got a job offer in California and Leah wouldn't let him take it because, in her words, "There are too many gays out in San Diego." She has no respect, but you do and that makes you a great person. biggrin Leah..... she's got no idea the meaning of respect if it slapped her in the brain she clearly doesn't have.
Depression is such a b***h. I just want a real meal, and to not have to go to work for one day, and I just want it to be Saturday because that's when I'll get to go play Pokemon with friends and do things I like, then only work a little bit.
Update: My cat, Emma, sensed I was depressed as ********, so she came, ran around my feet and kept rubbing my hands and letting me pet her, and then she let me pick her up and hug her for a long time which she never does (it's usually short intervals), and she purred the whole time while pressing herself against me because she knows her purrs are what calm me down the most and she wanted me to hear them. Then I gave her lots of treats and she acted outrageous and made me laugh because she probably saw I wasn't smiling much beforehand and I always smile around her. Emma is the best cat. She used to help me through anxiety attacks in the night, so she definitely knows my moods well. I love that cat so damn much. smile
Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:53 am
The worst thing about summer vacation is the constant feeling of being unproductive and wasting your life away doing nothing because you’re so used to constantly working your a** off every single day but really you’re just using well-earned relaxation time away from the work that you hate but you still feel useless and unproductive.
I'm watching James Cameron's Avatar again, and man do I miss it. It's one of my favorite movies of all time, but the last time I saw it was with my abuser. She fell asleep, we were 12, I watched it mainly alone and still loved it all the same.
The movie is just so beautifully done and so well-written, and honestly the effects are so gorgeous, the CGI was fantastic for its time but, like anything, CGI is evolving so quickly and improving with every movie made so it can't compare, but just... this movie brings back so many memories. Good ones. I want to go back to Disney and see Pandora again, and I'm just so in love with Avatar. It's such a lore-filled movie, such a great movie overall, everything about it is good to me. I'm not one to negatively criticize movies, I just like to think about what was good about them and what I loved. To me, there's no point in watching a movie if all you're going to do in the end is speak negative about it or look for all the things it did wrong. Movies are made to be enjoyed. So enjoy them. And damn do I enjoy Avatar more than nearly any movie ever. smile
Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2018 8:42 pm
I PLAYED DREAM DADDY AND IS EVERY ENDING ******** TRAGIC??? LIKE DUDE, DAMIEN WAS MY DREAM GUY, HE THOUGHT I WAS HIS, THEN OUT OF NOWHERE HE SAID OUR COURTSHIP COULDN'T BE!!! AND HE LEFT!!!
THEN I TRIED ROBERT AND HE FLAT OUT SAID HE THOUGHT I WAS AN OBJECT AND I WAS AN OBJECT TO HIM THEN LEFT ME TO NOBODY AS HE WATCHED MY DAUGHTER LEAVE FOR COLLEGE AND I HAD TO PAY FOR ALL HER LOANS!!!
I WANTED DAMIEN AND THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING I CAN DO I HAD 2/3 S-LEVEL DATES WITH HIM AND IMA REDO THE LAST ONE TOMORROW BUT GODDAMNIT DUDE DAMIEN JUST MARRY MY CHARACTER AND BE A HAPPY PAIR OF FATHERS!!!!!!
Ok I just looked up the Damien options and saw where I went wrong. Whoops... Definitely gonna redo that save tomorrow and get my ******** happy ending and NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!! I just really want a happy, gay, romantic ending ok???
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