[FIN] Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night

[BlackFireKitsune]

Anxiety and fear seeped into the cavernous pit deep inside him, chilling him to the bone and wrapping an icy hand around his heart. He didn't want Zev to die - he couldn't die - he didn't want to, couldn't lose someone else he cared about so much... Even though he had to keep his gaze on the road he could feel those gorgeous amber eyes on him, though he couldn't look into them until he slowed to a stop in front of one last red stoplight before the outskirts of the city.

As he stopped he turned his head to meet his gaze, to drink in all the details he'd come to be so familiar with; he'd seen a wide array of expressions on that dear, sweet face of his, a number of them saved just for him, he was sure, and so he had little trouble recognizing the face of someone who wanted to act like everything would be fine -- though whether it was for himself or for Zevran, he wasn't sure. Possibly both. How many times had he done that himself -- tried to convince someone else that everything was fine, and adamantly enough that perhaps he'd come to believe it too? Zev obviously didn't believe it but did he think it possible? When Abel looked into the face that had shown him a great many things - friendship, loyalty, trust, care, tenderness, love... Was it love? Was it actually there, or was he only seeing what he wanted to see?

"I..." Should he say how he felt though? Doubt silenced him before he could think of finishing the sentence, swiftly followed by wholly derisive thoughts. What was he thinking? Now was absolutely not the time for anything like that, without any question. How could he even entertain the thought that it might be? "I, ah," he went on uncertainly, his gaze briefly returning to the stoplight that had spent an awfully long time remaining red - or perhaps it had turned green and back again in the time he'd been so wholly distracted - before he looked back at his beloved boyfriend again. Beloved. It was true; it'd taken a while for him to come to terms with his feelings once he'd finally realized the scope of them. One hand left the wheel but hesitated halfway over the center console; rather than go for Zev's face like he'd intended to originally, since that had worked out so well earlier, it instead dropped to gently brush the back of his hand, leaving an open invitation to hold if he wished to do so, or to ignore it if he preferred. "We'll figure something out -- together. You know you're not alone, right?"  

[TawnyAngel]

When Abel turned to look at him Zevran's heart sank. The deep fondness in his boyfriend's eyes usually made him feel warm and uplifted and bubbly but now.... He didn't want to die and leave him alone. Was it for the best that he simply leave so that he could spare him any small risk that the other Crows would harm him, and spare him witnessing his death? But what would his disappearing in the night do to Abel? Considering his past simply vanishing like that would be incredibly cruel. Would it be cruelty in order to be kind though?

Abel touched his hand and for once since they had got into the car Zevran didn't hesitate to react. "I know," he replied softly as he he laced his fingers through Abel's and gripped tightly. "Thank you my friend, my- I mean... I cannot tell you how grateful I am for that, for everything you have done for me." With their hands clasped together like that he couldn't imagine leaving whether it be though death or disappearance, yet how could he fight the inevitable? The Crows always got their mark, always.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel returned the tight grip in kind, the gesture going a little ways towards closing the frigid, gaping chasm he felt deep inside. It would be okay. Zevran would be okay, he had to be - he would be - if it was the last thing he did. A small smile laced with traces of warmth hesitantly crossed his face. "I could say the same. You mean so much to me." Abel gave Zev's hand a fond squeeze before bringing it to his lips to press a soft kiss to his fingers.

I love you.

With one last fond glance at his boyfriend Abel set their hands back down before continuing on to the city outskirts.  

[TawnyAngel]

This couldn't end well, he knew it couldn't but since Abel had pressed that gentle kiss to his fingers he had been trying to think of a way it could.

Now, a couple of hours later, they stepped back into Abel's apartment but he still couldn't see any way out. Zevran kicked off his shoes and dropped the small bag of possessions he hadn't yet disposed of on the floor. "Well," he rubbed his face, "now what?" He should probably read the messages - rather than keep the phone he had forwarded all of her correspondence to himself - but he didn't really want to. He didn't want to know what Taliesen had in mind for him.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The fact that it wasn't his life in jeopardy didn't do much to alleviate the burgeoning fear that gnawed at his insides, but regardless he forced himself to stay calm, to quell that fear, to think instead of worry. There had to be a way, and if not they would make one. He didn't want to start panicking or anything; it would've been selfish anyway. If either of them had any right to panic it was Zev, given they were after his life, so Abel resolved himself fully to remain as calm as he could. If it helped Zev in any way - to ground him, to give him moral or any kind of support, anything at all - then he would do it. At the very least it couldn't hurt.

"Mmh," he hummed thoughtfully, his brow furrowing as he kicked off his own shoes, dumped his jacket on a dining room chair and watched his boyfriend rub at his face, "sitting down is probably a good idea. D'you want a drink or something? Alcohol, juice, coffee, water, something?"  

[TawnyAngel]

Zevran took off his jacket and looked at it for a moment but a decision on what to do with it failed to appear and so he just dropped it beside the bag. "Alcohol," he said, that decision he could make but any others....

They would kill him. They would probably kill him slowly. They knew how to hurt people, oh he knew that well- it made you strong they said, nobody could break a Crow, and it did end but it wouldn't for him now. It would only end when he was dead. Zevran remained standing perfectly still, staring blankly at the wall. How long did he have? What exactly would they do?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel refrained from commenting on the dropped jacket - indeed he pretended not to even notice it - and passed it off as a result of the obviously scattered, chaotic state of Zevran's mind at the moment. What must be going through his mind right now? How terrible was he feeling? How scared was he?

Rather than fetch alcohol just yet, the taller blond procrastinated on that for the moment to instead gently, carefully place a hand on Zevran's shoulder - a touch so light, because he had no idea if he might break or not or at what point he would - and gestured with one hand towards an empty chair, "Here." Though the gesture was for him to sit, he positioned himself with his arms purposefully open in case Zev wanted to hug him instead of sit. Anything he wanted, anything he needed Abel wanted to give; he could feel his heart slowly breaking seeing him like this, although he was under no delusions. This would get worse, much worse, before it would get better.  

[TawnyAngel]

The touch on his shoulder was comforting but what followed was confusing; Abel pulled out a chair and directed him to it but then he held his arms out for an embrace. Zevran licked his lips and looked up at Abel with anxiety etched into his features. "What do you wish of me?" Was he supposed to step closer? Sit? He couldn't tell which one was the right choice and he wanted, needed to make the right choice.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Oh, yep, it was worse. That was fast.

Zevran's response threw him for quite the loop and it took him a few moments to recover. The last time he'd heard him say such things he'd been incredibly indisposed, to put it mildly, and wasn't at all himself. Though, to be fair, he probably wasn't himself at the moment either for completely different reasons. "I..." He licked his suddenly dry lips and wondered at what point his heart had broken to pieces and dropped unceremoniously to his feet, because he hadn't even realized it. "I... don't know," he admitted as he wavered, uncertain if he should have him sit or if he should just hug him. He wanted to hug him so bad, wanted to wrap his arms around him and shield him from anyone and everyone who wished him harm.

He forewent both and instead moved to gently, carefully cup Zevran's face in his hands as softly as he could, as if his boyfriend would crumble apart in front of him if he wasn't careful. "I just... I want to help you, I want to make you feel better but I know I can't - not completely - and I feel like I should.. just tell you what you should do so you don't have to think about what you should do, but at the same time I don't ever want to tell you what to do. I don't ever want to hurt you, I want you to tell me what you want -- but then I'm back at square one, because I don't think you want to think about things," he admitted in what he realized shortly after was probably far too many words, and made an effort to reign his emotions back in. He had to stay calm.

After a moment and a deep breath to steady himself and his increasing heart rate he went on, his thumbs running soft lines over Zev's cheekbones, "If you can think of what you'd like to do, then let me know and I'll do it with you. Anything. But if you can't think of anything you'd like to do, that's fine too; let me know and I'll think of something we can do instead. How's that sound? Is that okay?"  

[TawnyAngel]

It was nice when Abel touched his face and he had had this thought before, he was sure. It was a gentle touch, contact for the sake of affection not control. Abel had never controlled him, he was very insistent that he ought to make his own choices. He didn't know what the right choice was. He didn't know what to do, because there was nothing he could do except wait for the inevitable.

When Abel ran his thumbs over his cheekbones Zevran closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "I don't know. I don't know what to do. I... Please, hold me? I don't want to die anymore, and they are going to kill me."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel reacted immediately to Zevran's request without any pause for hesitation or thought; his hands dropped and he stepped in to close the distance as he wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend, pulling him close and holding him tightly, protectively. One hand lifted a moment later to lose itself in his hair and rested his cheek against his head, holding that close too. "You won't - I won't let them. You're safe now - you're safe here - and it's okay if you don't know what to do. It's okay to be scared. I'm right here," he reminded him as he gave him a squeeze, "and I'm not going anywhere."  

[TawnyAngel]

He shouldn't be doing this, he should be heading straight for a port not hiding his face in Abel's shoulder. It would be better for both of them, he would elude the Crows and Abel would not see him die.... But he didn't want to go. Life hadn't been worth living before Abel, not really, and he didn't want to go back to shallow drifting with the vague notion that he might die tomorrow and that would be alright if he did. If he stayed though he doomed himself, and doomed Abel to lose him. Abel lost him either way, the only difference was that in the first case he lived... but in the second at least he could say he hadn't run again. Which was for the best.

Zevran tightened his grip on Abel and inhaled deeply, the breath was steady only thanks to many years of learning to control and suppress panic. "I met Taliesen when I was seven, he was nine or ten. He had been recruited a month or so before me, he said he would watch out for me and show me around and he did, he was good to me, and now...." Now he was here to kill him like he had killed Rinna.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Even though his hand shifted to gently run his fingers through his boyfriend's blond hair, he didn't relax his protective grip on him. He'd been seven... and he was much older than that now. "So you've been best friends - or good friends, at least - for what, about twenty or so years? That has to count for something though, yeah? Are you absolutely sure he's--well.." He didn't want to say it. Something about it was just... actually no, it wasn't just something, it was the whole entire thing. The whole situation was horrible, starting way back at the beginning, that both of them had been recruited to something without any choice in the matter. Had either of them ever had choices before? Probably not, since it seemed very much like the price to pay for making their own choices was a death sentence.  

[TawnyAngel]

They had been best friends. He had cared, and he believed Taliesen had cared... He still cared. Maybe Taliesen did too, but even if he did he didn't believe that whatever his friend felt would change the way he acted. "Well," Zevran made a noise that was a little like a laugh, "perhaps it will count for a quicker death than I might otherwise get. That he has followed me here... I cannot think of any other reason he would have gone to the trouble. As it seems it was discovered that I did not die trying to complete my last mission it may have reflected badly upon him. He must want to... tie up loose ends." Zevran took a deep breath in and let it out again slowly. "How many times did we share what we had? Patch one another up after... well, whatever had happened that time. I thought it would always be so until one of us died, I never imagined leaving."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

He wanted so badly to say 'you won't die' but doubt and worry held his tongue. A group of what he could only assume were well-trained assassins were after him, and who could successfully stand between a group like that and their target? Maybe he could -- or die trying. That wouldn't be too bad, he supposed; he wasn't too keen on dying anytime soon, but if he did so to protect Zevran then that was fine. That was good.

Ideally neither of them would die.

"We'll figure something out," he said instead of the myriad of pessimistic, morbid thoughts whirling about his head, and pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend's fine blond hair. Rather absently his arm lowered to wrap around his shoulders while his other hand gently ran up and down Zev's back, subconsciously gravitating towards and smoothing over the old burn scars there without even really realizing it. "Mmh... You left because another friend of yours died and no one seemed to care, yeah? Do you regret leaving?"