[FIN] Picking up the Pieces

[TawnyAngel]

"Oh, sure," Taavi nodded, "that's fair." Completely fair but hearing that only made him wonder more, wonder how much there was to tell. What had Zev been involved in back there? If people had come from the other side of the world about it, it had to be something big.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Ah, good; Abel nodded his head before taking another sip of his beer to give him another moment or two to think. "So..." ...s**t. Where did he even start? How should he phrase it -- any of it? After a furrow of his brow, a thoughtful frown aimed down at his glass and another moment or two of silence he began to speak, "So he speaks well of Antiva - almost always, about as much as anyone else would of where they grew up - but it's... it sounds like a very different sort of place from where you or I grew up. Whenever he talks about it there's always something new I learn, something I don't particularly care for. From everything he's told me it sounds like it's a relatively nice place on the surface - mostly - but there's... I don't think people there know what compassion is -- or at least not the part where he grew up. It sounds like people there were more or less only interested in themselves but no one else... unless there was something they'd get out of it. I've gotten the distinct impression that it's a very... ah.... not exactly the most merciful place. But that's what he grew up knowing - that's what everyone there grew up knowing - that's how everyone just was, and if you weren't then you were probably ridiculed or taken advantage of, or more likely both. And if that's what you and everyone around you grew up knowing, how would you know any different?" Abel asked, then splayed the fingers on his free hand as he shrugged.

"You wouldn't, unless something happened to change your perspective -- same as anyone, I think. But," he shrugged again, "I don't really care for where he's from. The nicer parts sound - well - nice, but everywhere else sounds like no where I'd ever want to be. I'm glad he left and came somewhere much better. But from what he's told me, the people in Thedas don't think much of things or people from other places. And... they think even less of their own people that express an interest in leaving, or try to leave... or actually manage to leave." The blond paused both for another sip of his beer and to let the last phrase sink in.  

[TawnyAngel]

Taavi listened in silence as Abel felt his way through the response. In the end he didn't give a lot of details but what he did say painted a picture, one that made him think back to the evening Abel had hauled Zevran back to the apartment drugged out of his mind; it wasn't pretty. Perhaps it explained some things about Zevran in general too, the devil may care attitude and all? If what Abel had said at the hospital was true Zev didn't have any kind of family so where had he grown up? More questions, maybe better not asked just yet if at all.

"Oh." Taavi looked down at his hands and started to pick at the corner of one of his nails. "I... So something happened that made him want to leave, and people he used to know didn't like it? And then they came here looking for him, to punish him for it?" What kind of a crazyass cult place was Thedas? He remembered Zev laughingly mentioning something about religion; a woman they'd burned and an empty hell? Or something like that, it had sounded weird and Zev hadn't seemed to take it seriously so he hadn't felt the need to either.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"More or less," Abel affirmed with a deep frown. "Something upsetting happened to change his perspective - made him not even able to stand being there anymore - so he left and drifted around until he came here. I... His life is so much better here. He's happy here, he has people that actually care about him here, not just about what he looks like or what he can do," the blond went on, sighing heavily as he lifted a hand to rub at his face while trying to reign himself in. No, Zevran's life in Kodo, while not exactly glamorous or exciting, was infinitely better now. No one would ever be able to convince him it wasn't.

Reigning himself in wasn't really working that well. "That's the shitty part though," he went on with another heavy sigh. "It wasn't even that, it was.... At first that's what he thought it was, and he was scared -- I was scared for him, I didn't... I couldn't lose him, I didn't want anyone to hurt him, but it..." He licked his suddenly dry lips before glancing up at his own best friend. "This is one of the things I know he wouldn't want me to say but I'm gonna tell you anyway because I want you to know just how much he's gonna need us -- both of us. It turned out to be a friend of his - his best friend - that just wanted to come find him and bring him back home, except he.. he didn't want to take no for an answer. Kept trying to persuade him, to talk him into going back, even tried to get me to talk him into going back - like that would ever ******** happen - and I didn't even bother trying to keep track of how many times Zev outright told him 'no, I'm not going back' but he just... kept right on trying to convince him to go back, as if what Zevran wanted or thought didn't even ******** matter," he said, his lips pursed into a thin line. While Taliesen had been Zevran's best friend, Abel didn't particularly care for him at all.  

[TawnyAngel]

His best friend had come after him like any best friend would if you vanished out of their life, he'd go half way around the world for Abel!... But this friend was part of whatever the problem had been? Or at least it sounded like it if he didn't care what Zev wanted. It was hard to let go, somebody as clingy as Taavi knew that very well, but when you were just told no you had to accept it right? Look for other ways to stay in touch? Respect your friend's decision?

But that hadn't happened.

"And... s**t. So when did it turn into a gunfight?" If they'd thought it was Zev's life the guy wanted had they gone armed? If they had was he dead out there somewhere? He must have been fast, or they'd been unprepared, if he'd shot Zev twice and Abel once - even glancingly - before... Before whatever had happened to him.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The blond inhaled deeply and held it for a few seconds before letting the breath out alongside his mounting frustration; the action only served to make him feel even more exhausted. "When his friend realized he really, actually, definitely wasn't going back. I didn't even... I knew it was coming but he was just so fast, I didn't... " He rubbed his face wearily again, replaying the moment over and over again in his mind. Was there something else he could've done to prevent it? Could he have shielded Zev somehow -- acted faster?  

[TawnyAngel]

So he'd shot him for saying he wasn't coming back. He really had. Just like that.

Taavi leaned over to grip Abel's shoulder and met his gaze, his expression tight with worry and lingering confusion over how anything like that could happen. Who could do something like that? "But it's over now, and it wasn't your fault that Zev was hurt. You did everything you could, you wouldn't do anything less, and... and Zev will come back here safe soon." He didn't say 'will be okay' because his best friend had tried to kill him and - Taavi assumed - was now dead himself, that was... How did you even start to deal with that?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

That's true; it was over now, and nothing either of them could say or do would change what had happened. Zevran's best friend had shot him - twice, no less - with every intent to kill him, all because he wouldn't go back to Antiva. Taavi's gesture and reassurance earned him a pained look - pained, searching, lost - as Abel returned his friend's gaze. "He hurt him, Taavi. They were best friends, I... How is he going to cope with that? Best friends - since they were kids, Taavi - and where they were from was more important than their friendship. How the ******** do you even begin to deal with that? How do you... I don't..."

He rubbed at his face again and when it became clear his bottle was in danger of being forgotten and dropped on the floor, Tabitha deftly reached out and took it from her trainer; Abel took advantage of the opportunity to groan long and low as he dropped his head into his hands. "He's going to need us so bad, not just so we can make sure he's okay around the apartment and has enough to eat or drink; he's going to need us, we need to be there for him and make sure he knows we care, just... whatever we can do for him. He'll probably try to play it off or act like he's fine and pretend everything's okay because that's what he always does - that's what he's always done - but he won't be fine, I know he won't. There's no way he could be, not after all this s**t." But once he woke up - because he would - there was no doubt in Abel's mind that his boyfriend would try to pretend he was fine.  

[TawnyAngel]

He couldn't get his head around it, how anyone could do something so- so- he wasn't even sure what to call it. Heartless? Evil?

Taavi looked up at Abel for a moment but then swiftly down at his hands again. "I don't know. That's... I don't understand how anyone could do that."

But Abel thought Zevran would pretend it was all alright, because that was what he did. When had he done it before? Taavi thought back to that evening again and then the next time he'd seen Zev afterwards, he'd seemed perfectly like himself but perhaps he'd been faking? And maybe other times too? Yesterday morning for a start.

"I don't know what I can do to help but... But I'll do everything I can." Distractions and things? Maybe. He definitely couldn't imagine Zev confiding in him or anything like that.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel's mouth opened and closed as he tried and failed to think of something to say in response. What could he say? "I don't... I don't really understand either. He just... How could you do that to your best friend? To your best friend?" One elbow sat on his knee while he rested his face in his upturned palm, his other arm flopping over his lap as he once again replayed the whole long, drawn-out scene in his head. "I honestly don't really know what to do either... I just.... I guess we'll just have to wait until he wakes up -" because he would, "- and see what we can do then. Maybe... I don't know."

Abel shifted to rub his hands over his face again with a weary sigh. He felt so exhausted, but how could he even think of sleep right now? "I can't help but feel like it's my fault -- like I could've done something differently, something better, and then things wouldn't have turned out this way.."  

[TawnyAngel]

"No." Taavi shook his head and looked up again, he didn't feel sure of much right now but he did feel sure of this. "Somebody willing to shoot their best friend for not agreeing with them, I don't think there's anything you can do for them- or about them to change what they were going to do. I didn't put that very well but you know what I mean? I don't think you could have said anything that would have changed his mind, I mean he came from the other side of the world looking for Zev and then just..."

Taavi trailed off and shook his head again, it went beyond anything he could even begin to understand. Your best friend. If you could kill them in cold blood you could kill anyone, and that thought sent a shiver down his spine. What kind of people had Zevran known back in Thedas? What had he been involved in?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Taavi made a good, valid point - several of them in fact - and in the face of them Abel couldn't really come up with any kind of convincing reply. How could he? Instead he straightened up just a tad - which wasn't much at all, really - so he could curl his hands around his arms to hug himself a little. "Yeah, I guess so," he agreed in a quiet murmur, staring down at his lap still. Even if Taavi's words made perfect sense, he couldn't help but feel like it was still his fault somehow, or that he might've been able to do something else, something different to change what had happened. Why did things have to happen this way...?  

[TawnyAngel]

Taavi gnawed at some dry skin on his lower lip as he watched Abel hunch in on himself. What could he say? Could he make him feel any better at all? Probably not but he could offer understanding, that was something. "But you feel like it is right?" he said, shuffling closer to his best friend - his best ******** friend who he couldn't imagine hurting ever - and put an arm around his shoulders. "I, um, I think you said some useful stuff to me when Valour was stolen but I don't remember what words you used. I blamed myself then. I thought, what if I'd had a full team with me? What if I'd been a bit faster or stronger? What if I'd been armed, would I have been able to stop the Rocket from killing Jacques and taking Valour? I... guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't expect you to not blame yourself? But that it wasn't your fault and nobody else blames you and- and that I'm here for you if you want to rant or cry or- or whatever you need to do okay?"  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"I do, yeah," the blond admitted with a quiet sigh when Taavi moved to sit beside him and offer him what solace he could. Taavi had felt absolutely horrible in so many ways and had blamed himself no matter what anyone said; Abel suspected that he felt very similarly at the moment, but at the very least he knew he appreciated his brother's attempts to empathize. He was grateful for him - for his kindness, for his desire to help in whatever way he could even if it wasn't very much - and not for the first time couldn't help but think he didn't deserve such kindness.

Whatever he needed or wanted to do...

Abel sighed wearily and leaned over to rest his head on Taavi's shoulder. "The only thing I can really think of at the moment is to just lie down for a while. I don't really... know what else I can do. ...thanks though," he added softly after another moment or two, "for trying to help, I mean. I appreciate it."  

[TawnyAngel]

"Yeah." Taavi leaned over to press a brief kiss against Abel's temple. "You've only got a few hours so, lying down is good. Do you want to here or in your room?"