Giang

[x_Matrim_Cauthon_x]

Melthin walked up next to Esole after he had made a quick round of the surrounding area with help from the puppet he had originally gotten from Rowiyl. "Annette and I went 8 feet out in radius of the encampment and could not find anything. Most likely it was a warning. He had heard my plan and wished to warn me against it in his own way. At least that is what I gather from this display." He made sure to whisper it into Esole's ear in case Kiae might want to lash out at a certain smarmy necromancer.

Yet it still troubles me that he would leave the body here and mangled as it is. He would have gotten better results by keeping it and making it one of his pawns, thus being able to inflict more traumatic wounds unto Kiae. She is supposedly their main target after all and she said that they do love to play with the mind, so wouldn't it make sense to dangle a fallen loved one in your preys face to make them believe they are still alive and cling to hope? These darkfriends are a rather odd group. I dare say I'm almost thrilled to see what they will do next. Almost...

He cut off the thought like a piece of moldy cheese. Slowly, he realized that he was becoming more and more heartless in his thoughts, discarding emotions that nagged at him and tossing aside courtesy like rubbish. Perhaps I've just been away from Esole for too long. Yes that has to be it. I was never this emotionless and heartless before.  

[Color Me Fubar]

She felt numb - nothing was there anymore. Even Ethin's Bond, the only one she had left, felt distant and small in her mind. She had thought nothing could be worse than removing a Bond, but she had been wrong.
"He was...a poor Warder to the end," she managed, trying to reassure her Warder with a tiny, shaky smile. "He couldn't even cut the Bond off, as any...basic Warder can. He couldn't even...do that..."
She glanced at Ethin, a horrible thought entering her head. "As long as I have a Bond with him, they may come after him. And once I remove Esole's shield, that would..." She couldn't allow the pain she felt to happen to another Sister. The idea of losing her last Bond tore her apart even worse than the loss of her second Warder, but she grimaced. "I may as well do it while the pain is here," she thought, trying to mask her decision from Ethin.
A sudden thought struck her. "I've lost more Warders than many Greens I know. I'm supposed to be able to heal, and yet..." The thought only sent more silent tears trailing down her cheeks.  

[Professor Inky]

"He loved you," Ethin said as he gently wrapped his arms around Kiae and rocked her back and forth as the tears continued to fall. He was at a loss for words. He couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through her head. The feelings in the Bond seemed to be such a mangled mess he couldn't sort through them.

"What are you thinking, Kiae? Your feelings are so.. crazy. I know you just lost a Warder, but if feels like there's something else there. Talk to me," he whispered quietly into her ear.  

[Color Me Fubar]

"I don't...I don't want to lose you too," Kiae managed, her voice muffled as she talked into his chest. "I don't want Esole...Esole to feel what I feel, either," she continued, shutting her eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears from falling. She didn't even feel them on her face - it was as if her body was acting separately from her head.
She couldn't bring herself to admit what she was going to do, though. She couldn't even bear to think about it herself, let alone tell Ethin. After she broke the Bond, she would be completely alone again.
"Maybe that's how it was supposed to be," she thought sadly, suddenly feeling very lonely.  

[Professor Inky]

Esole stretched an arm out to Kiae but quickly retracted it. She realized that had she had Kiae's attention, she would not have known what to say to her to make her feel better. She had not herself lost a Warder but she knew that the pain was more than one was capable of handling. She felt sympathy for the Yellow even though she had taken the Power from her.

She looked over Melthin and buried herself in his arms. Esole could not bear the thought of losing him or Ethin. But it seemed to her Ethin was becoming more and more Kiae's Warder than hers. That hurt her but not as much as it would have if she hadn't Bonded with Melthin. She considered breaking her Bond to Ethin for Kiae's sake. It seemed she needed him more than Esole.  

[Professor Inky]

"But you won't lose me. The attack had to have caught him off guard. He was ill-prepared. I am not. I will be here for you until the day you die," Ethin said into her hair. He had not realized just how seriously he took his Bond to Kiae until he said those words. It shocked him but it soon passed when he realized he meant every word.

Ethin continued rocking her in his arms, hoping he was soothing her in some way. He felt so useless. Her pain was so immense and he could do nothing to help her.  

[Color Me Fubar]

Kiae shuddered as a sob finally escaped her lips, but she pressed them together tightly to prevent any more from reaching their ears. "It will do nothing," she decided. Crying would never ease the pain, nor bring back her Warders. She looked up, her eyes red from the tears that had escaped, and gazed at Esole, her face eerily calm.

"I need to remove your shield," she told the other woman. She stood, a bit unsteadily, but made her way to stand in front of Esole on her own. Before the woman could argue in some way - if she would have - Kiae rested her palm on the woman's head and closed her eyes, forming the weave with surprising ease. She had removed so many Shields from Aes Sedai who had been attacked, but never one she had inflicted herself.

It was done in a moment and she stepped back, inclining her head. "I am sorry. It was the only way I could protect you at the time, but I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused," Kiae managed, her voice growing more unsteady as she continued to talk. She was prepared to break the Bond to Ethin in a moment, trying to brace herself for her final loss.  

[Professor Inky]

Esole was surprised by Kiae's sudden removal of the shield that she almost didn't realize she was capable of now reaching saidar. She held the One Power and cried out with delight. Holding the Power after so long, she forgot everything around her for the moment and cried with delight. The moment she embraced it seemed to last for hours although it was only a few seconds. But it did not take her long to realize where she was and who she was with. She let go of saidar and wiped the tears from her face. Regaining composure, she addressed Kiae, "Thank you for returning to me what is mine. Don't be sorry. I see now that if you could have saved me another way, you would have. For my safety and well being, I thank you."  

[Professor Inky]

Ethin smiled at now being able to sense Esole in his head and all her feelings. It was a comfort of sorts. That was when he noticed something odd about Kiae's feelings.

"Kiae Sedai. What are you planning? Do not do anything rash! You are not in the proper state of mind right now to be making any big decisions. Please, just come and sit. Please talk to me. Please," he begged. He had a feeling whatever she was planning, it had something to do with him.  

[Color Me Fubar]

"I believe I already told you that you can just call me Kiae," she informed him with a weak smile. She shook her head, keeping the man at a distance. "I'm very sorry, both of you. I don't want you to lose your Warder, Esole - and I don't want to lose another either."

Kiae paused, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat. She shook her head again, trying to force the words from her throat. "It will be easier if I break the Bond now, instead of death taking it from both of us," she managed, turning back to Esole. A pleading expression came into her eyes, begging the woman to understand.  

[Professor Inky]

"Death? What are you talking about Kiae?" Ethin asked. He knew, as a Warder, death was a strong possibility everyday with an Aes Sedai but he never really though he would die soon. He had too much left to do.
"You will not die anytime soon and I won't either. Not while I have Aes Sedai to tend to. You cannot just sever our Bond and leave yourself to the wolves! Don't try and be a martyr, Kiae," he said a bit too loudly. Ethin didn't want her to break the Bond. It meant too much to him and he didn't know why.  

[Professor Inky]

Esole was left speechless. How the woman could even think of breaking the Bond after her other Warder had just died was beyond her. Ethin's Bond should be a comfort, not a hindrance. He was also the woman's only Warder now. "As Ethin had said earlier, you should not be making decisions right now. You are unwell," she said in her most soothing of tones. Kiae had to see reason. It was not in her best interest to break Ethin's Bond.  

[Color Me Fubar]

Kiae narrowed her eyes - she knew they believed the grief was too great for her to deal with and she was being irrational, but it made perfect sense to her. "I cannot deal with the death of another Warder," she finally said, trying to stay calm. "Breaking the Bond of my own accord will much less painful than having him killed by the Order," she continued, her voice cracking.

She took a deep breath to steady herself. "I'm a bloody healer! And yet I can never save the people close to me!" she finally shouted. "What good am I with a Bond? It's useless!"  

[Professor Inky]

Ethin took Kiae's hands in his. "Kiae! No one said I'm going to die now. I won't let the New Order get me! Not while I have a duty to you and Esole." he said, trying to reassure her.
He stood there for a moment longer before releasing her hands and looking into her eyes in a vain attempt to see what was going through her head. "Kiae, please. For me. Don't break the Bond. What if Esole broke my Bond with her? Then I could stay with you all the time. Just please don't break the Bond. It will only put you in more danger!" he shouted, tears welling up in his eyes.