Giang

[Professor Inky]

"But Ethin," Esole started, appalled by the thought of breaking his Bond. She was feeling selfish. Ethin was her first Warder and yet she was attached to Melthin and had no great need for Ethin. "Perhaps it would be for the best," she thought sadly. "He is right. I could break it and it would help keep you safe," she said finally, suppressing a sigh.  

[Color Me Fubar]

"I don't want that!" Kiae informed them hotly, sounding horrified at the very idea. "I don't want someone to protect me. That's not the issue!" she pleaded. She tried to pull her hands from Ethin's, but found she couldn't get the strength of will to do so. She hung her head abruptly, trying to hide her face, unable to meet Ethin's gaze and not wanting to see Esole. "I can't ask you to break your Bond," she finally whispered. "I've done enough things as it is."  

[Professor Inky]

"Okay, okay. We won't break the Bond. But please, keep mine. I don't know what else to tell you Kiae. You know you don't want to break it and I sure as the Pit of Doom don't want you to," Ethin said as he squeezed her hands gently for emphasis. He didn't know what else to say to try and convince Kiae to keep the Bond.  

[Color Me Fubar]

"It's only going to cause more pain for everyone," Kiae whispered, feeling very small and lonely at the moment, even with her Bond. "Just get it over with and spare everyone. You're a healer, you have a duty to!" a voice shouted at her, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block it out.

"I lost Andurael, I lost Anthenor, I lost Cobain. The only one I have left to lose is you, and I won't do that to Esole," she told him softly. She hadn't Bonded Anthenor, true, but she knew it would have turned out like that if he hadn't left with Andurael.  

[Professor Inky]

"Your Bond with Ethin should not be affected by my Bond with him so don't try that Kiae! You're just looking for excuses. And you can't hunt the New Order on your own! You need him!" Esole exclaimed, growing tired of Kiae's excuses. She could see why Kiae didn't want to be Bonded to Ethin but she could not just let the woman sign her own death warrant.  

[Professor Inky]

"Esole is right, Kiae. You're heart isn't into this decision and you know it! You need me and I need you. Don't throw me away. I swore an oath that ties me to you Kiae. You accepted it. That still stands now. Please don't break the Bond. Please," Ethin begged, voice cracking with the effort to keep from shouting.  

[Color Me Fubar]

"I'm not making excuses! And I'm not going to hunt them!" she snapped. "I'm an adult, thank you! No, I don't want to break the Bond, but I can't see how any good can come from keeping it," she informed them, flushing from her tears and the effort to hold them back.

"I'm trying to save people. It's who I am, Esole. Can't you at least understand that?" Kiae pleaded, turning her gaze to Esole.  

[Professor Inky]

Esole could sense from Ethin's emotions that he was about to continue begging. She silenced him with a glance before returning her gaze to Kiae. She carefully thought through her choice in words, "At no point did I refute your being an adult. And yes, I can understand that. Just because I am a Green does not mean that I don't care for other people's safety. I greatly care about Ethin and his well being but a Warder's duty is to put himself in the face of danger for his Aes Sedai. If he is not with you, he will be with me, sacrificing himself to save my life. You breaking the Bond will not change his chances of dying! See reason, Kiae!"  

[Color Me Fubar]

"Then why have I lost three Warders, and you none?" Kiae finally spat. "How can you justify something like that to me? I'm scared, Esole! I'd rather end the Bond on my terms than have it torn from me again! I don't want that!" she finally admitted, beginning to shake from the idea. She reached out and gripped the other woman's hand tightly, as if trying to keep herself upright.  

[Professor Inky]

"Stop being selfish! You just don't want to be hurt. Can't you see that breaking the Bond will hurt Ethin too? Can't you see that it's not just about you and losing and gaining Warders. Shouldn't he have a say in it?" Esole exclaimed exasperatedly. She gently squeezed Kiae's hand and stared intently into her eyes, trying to somehow tell her that what she was trying to do was not right.  

[Color Me Fubar]

Kiae bit her lip, her gaze moving from Esole to Ethin as if trying to gauge what they were thinking. She knew she was hurting Ethin, would hurt him...but she was tired of being hurt herself, of putting everyone else first.
"It's never going to change," she realized. "I will never be able to think of myself." The realization spread over her like a bucket of ice water.

She released Esole's hand abruptly and nodded. "All right. I won't break the Bond," she agreed, her tone dull.  

[Ethin Thayne]

Ethin couldn't help but smile. He took Kiae by the shoulders and said, "Trust me, Kiae. You will not regret this." On the outside, he was happy. But on the inside, Kiae's sudden withdrawal perplexed and worried him. "Why is she suddenly so cold?" he thought as he looked to Esole for an answer.  

[Professor Inky]

Esole stepped away, back to Melthin. She could tell that Ethin was troubled by Kiae's sudden acquiescence as was she. It did not seem like the woman to just give up but she chose not to comment on it. Esole returned Ethin's questioning look with a shake of the head. He would not find his answers from her.

Taking Melthin by the hand, she turned and started walking back to the Tinker camp. "Melthin and I will get something to eat. He hasn't eaten breakfast and it is seems around time for lunch. We will meet you two back at the camp. Don't be long," Esole said over her shoulder. The two were out of sight within the minute leaving Ethin and Kiae near Cobain's body.  

[Color Me Fubar]

"Can you please bury the body?" Kiae asked. If she could not break the Bond, she would at least make sure no unnecessary attachment occurred between them. "They don't understand," she thought, the same lonely feeling coming over her again, numbing the Bond further.

It wasn't merely the fact she was scared - though it had been painful for her to admit that out-loud. It was the fact she was supposed to heal people, save them. But with a Bond - with any connection - she had no chance.