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Eloquent Conversationalist
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 Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:16 am
Thanks, Fish.
I think I might want to cut the first two lines and last two lines out.
The middle works really well.
The first lines don't follow the pattern, and the last lines make it seem emo...
Who knows?
It just kind of flew.
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:17 am
Meta_Fish Kuzodav I started this summer official by getting drunk, and getting mixed up with the wrong girl. I'll end this summer getting drunk and never forgetting the right girl. This time next year I'll be forgotten. This time next year you'll have moved on. Those years are over, Theses years have just begun. Three cheers and three drinks for friendship, Three cheers and three drinks for life. I'm not who I remember. You're not what I thought. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What do you guys think? I like. It's written well, but it's not too long, and it's not too short.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:18 am
O_o And I just realized two typos. >.<
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:20 am
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:23 am
Adults are always like 'Lol, teenagers think they know everything and that we're stupid.'
I know more than bitches give me credit for. And It's not that I think they're stupid, I think their morals are ********.
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:24 am
Kuzodav Thanks, Fish. I think I might want to cut the first two lines and last two lines out. The middle works really well. The first lines don't follow the pattern, and the last lines make it seem emo... Who knows? It just kind of flew.
I'd say cut the first two lines. Although I like the last two lines, they just seem weird because they're maybe two words too short.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:27 am
Ribbin Kuzodav Thanks, Fish. I think I might want to cut the first two lines and last two lines out. The middle works really well. The first lines don't follow the pattern, and the last lines make it seem emo... Who knows? It just kind of flew.
I'd say cut the first two lines. Although I like the last two lines, they just seem weird because they're maybe two words too short.
I think I like their shortness because it's symbolizing the end of the poem as abruptly as this summer. It's kind of funny how the first two lines are what got me started and they are the least fitting lines. XD
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:29 am
Kuzodav I started this summer official by getting drunk, and getting mixed up with the wrong girl. I'll end this summer getting drunk and never forgetting the right girl. This time next year I'll be forgotten. This time next year you'll have moved on. Those years are over, Theses years have just begun. Three cheers and three drinks for friendship, Three cheers and three drinks for life. I'm not who I remember. You're not what I thought. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What do you guys think? i think it's kind of badass. o:
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:32 am
PAU
I'm getting kind of tired already.
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:32 am
REDRAFT
Also, thanks Mrs N!
Yew tew Rib.
I started this summer by getting drunk and getting mixed up with the wrong girl,
I'll end this summer getting drunk and never forgetting the right girl.
This time next year I'll be forgotten,
This time next year you'll have moved on.
Those years are over,
These years have just begun.
Three cheers and three drinks for friendship,
Three cheers and three drinks for life.
I'm not who I remember.
You're not what I thought.
---------------
That may have helped it.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:36 am
Dooblay post.
I'm diggin' 'Against Me!'.
You guys heard them/of them?
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:39 am
I should go to bed. Had a long day at work.
night guys! :3
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:40 am
Mrs Nintendo I should go to bed. Had a long day at work. night guys! :3 G'noight!
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:47 am
Kuzodav Dooblay post. I'm diggin' 'Against Me!'. You guys heard them/of them? I ALWAYS hear of them. Neve actually heard them though.
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 1:47 am
I think the redraft flows better 3nodding
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