August 15, 2007. Around 2:50 am
Huddled into a ball, I laid there on the floor of my kitchen. A small white board with cases of paints ontop, was flatly on the floor next to me, waiting to dry.
I guess, in some way I was waiting to dry too. But not like that.
I was waiting for my tears to finally stop so I would be able to dry my eyes. Then, I could continue on with picking up my drawing supplies and go into bed, seeing as I was ment to have been underneath the blankets an hour ago.
I held the butterfly shaped mood necklace in my hand, the string roped around my left wrist. The damn thing didn't work.... It currently said I was at peace and relaxed. When I was really filled with sorrow and maybe even rage....
But if it did turn black, I still knew that no one else, no item, could ever tell me what I felt. Only I would know, if I tried to figure out what was wrong with myself.
I closed my eyes shut and continued to cry quietly, thinking about Him....
I won't tell you exactly who he is... He's just a person dear to me. I guess that's all I can and will say.... This, and how he makes me feel....
" No man or women is ever worth your tears, and the one that is, won't make you cry...."
What did that mean? The words ran through my mind from nowhere...and made me think a bit more.
I had cried over Him for so long.... Though I found the quote beautiful, I found it as a lie too...If you cried over the person you loved... There can be several reasons why....
My reason was because no matter how much I loved him and showed him that. It wouldn't matter... I truly believe I'm nothing in his eyes.
He dislikes me. I Love him.
He's mature. I'm a child.
He's somebody. I'm no one....
I talk to him. He hardly answers.
I smile at him. He barely smiles back.
He seems to be real and true when I'm never around. But when I start talking to him he just stares and raises his eyebrows. Though I hate it when he does it....It makes me laugh...It makes me laugh outloud in depression, instead of starting to tear up.
The truth hurts just as much as love sometimes....
Although I had excepted the truth a while ago, I still hated it and disliked it... He would never love me. I want to tell him that I love him, even though I already know the outcome...
But I'm just afraid.
Who ever said Love is a wonderful thing....Must have been luckier than me...
<3 <3 <3
