dreams of suicide...wtf? (triggering)

[LoversRequiem]

okay...so i had this dream that i went to school, and everybody was in my first period classroom. As soon as i step into the room, they all start telling me to get out, i don't belong, i'm fat, and i need to die. i go home they're at my house too. they start yelling the same things at me. then a razor slides from the crowd and hits my foot. i lean and pick it up....then i slit my wrists to get away from them...but no blood comes, so continue to cut over and over. harder and harder. it scares me because at that time, i wasn't suicdal. and now, i find myself listening to the Paparoach song "Last Resort" more and more. i now am having suicidal feelings...and i don't know what to do. I recently escaped from a hospital because someone found me bleeding behind a building...and they're looking for me...and i'm scared and don't know what to do anymore...  

[Rellik San]

Anxiety and stress problems, dreams are often a way of reelecting what we feel in real life, the best thing for you to do, would be pin point what the problem is (my guess is that you feel like an outsider at school, because you don't conform to a specific socio or body archetype) and just learn to cope with it in a productive way, such as art, skating, reading, role playing (as in D&D) and any other escapist activities, as not only will they help you to find a group of people that will like you for who you genuinely are, even if your peers at school don't.

The large part of it, seems to be, I'm sorry to say, your ego, you need to tame it, as your ego is swelling in a negative way (unlike mine which swells positive, until some kind soul puts back in place.) You need to take stock of your life and whats really important, though I can sympathize, if I had to listen to Papa Roach a lot I'd be suicidal too.  

[LoversRequiem]

But that doesn't make sense...i'm the quiet person in the classes. i don't have an ego at all...i hate myself and i try to be invisible just to get through the day.... and i like Papa Roach, and after the dream i started to actually concentrate on the lyrics of that song.  

[Rellik San]

LoversRequiem

But that doesn't make sense...i'm the quiet person in the classes. i don't have an ego at all...i hate myself and i try to be invisible just to get through the day.... and i like Papa Roach, and after the dream i started to actually concentrate on the lyrics of that song.

Bingo, thats my point, to clarify, I'm using the actual meaning of ego, meaning 'sense of self'. You need to find a way to break through into a positive spin of yourself, big yourself up, you don't have to be loud or confident, you just need to search for the good things about you and push them out to the surface. So you can take pride in yourself and your life, when that happens you'll start feeling better in yourself.

*shrugs* well if you like the song, I was just making a little joke. The lyrics mean little to nothing to me, so I can't really connect with it.  

[SuicidaI Fear]

he's right.
and just a lil advice from me:
try to think about this: whoever wrote this song of papa roach with.. suicidal words [never heard the song] now's RLY famous and got nuffin to worry about. so basically, the lyrics r freakin fake. its not his real feelings.
so don't try to connect the song to yourself.. cuz the song is fake. ><
hopes u got the point and that it.. somehow.. helped ya  

[cre8ive_ovadose]

Ok, I've got a few things to suggest. With the dream, perhaps you could look up dream interpretation sites on the internet, I did that once when I was dreaming that I was doing drugs, it does kinda help. Another thing is, if the fact you're listening to Papa Roach more is freaking you out, try to listen to it less - says the person who's listened to it almost 300 times on their iTunes - and maybe you'll forget the lyrics. It might be better to avoid applying the lyrics in Last Resort to yourself, I'm doing that too much at the moment as well. I hope some of this helps