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I know I have not been active a lot but I am just a mule
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Thank you for not banning me or being rude about it.
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DAMIEN!
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But I do have a story I would like to post
I have been working on it for a long time now and I have been making many changes as I have worked.
Please be honest.
[It's Long, I'm Sorry!]
Fourteen Year Old Death Wish
Written by: Dani
"Some People Are So Ungrateful To Be Alive, But Not You, Not Anymore" - Jigsaw – Saw1, 2&3
“Hey sweetie” Haru said walking, gracefully towards her boy friend. She looked graceful with her short-cut black hair bobbing down below her ear, her brown eyes gleaming with happiness. However, her smile faded quickly as she looked at her boyfriend, Patrick, as he made no notice of her greeting. As she gazed upon his abnormally pale complexion she thought to herself; "Someone Must Have Said Something to Him." She thought this to herself only because the night prior to this day had been the day of her friend's party where, sadly, Haru was taken to the hospital in an ambulance because her brain had, temporarily, stopped working completely and she had fallen into a pool. Before drowning her brain waves regained the notion to resume work and she thrust herself out of the pool. The host of the party called an ambulance to take her as she had become almost lifeless.
“Haru... I think we need to talk” Patrick told Haru as she appeared beside him. Before leading Haru outside of the high school Patrick sighed and lightly clicked his locker closed. As the two walked outside of the school, Patrick leading and Haru trailing close behind; Haru could sense that something was wrong; for every move Patrick made and the way that he walked in front of her. She felt odd about his slow reactions to the environment, such as people wishing him good morning and someone accidentally almost hitting him in the chest with a football. Haru was extremely upset with his unusual and almost complete ignorance of her existence.
Patrick decided to sit on a bench near the limits of the school grounds and made a hand notion for her to sit beside him. As they both sat on the bench beside each other the silence had overstayed its welcome and Patrick broke it with seven words that send Haru into a state of complete shock. “I think that we should break up.”
Although these words were delivered, somewhat, calmly the progression of his sentence climax each word and the tone of voice became shallow and noticeably deep. After he had finished this sentence of torment Patrick looked away from her and tried to anticipate her reaction. Haru turned her head towards the bench and forced her eyes to look down; turning her attention away from Patrick's face, and tried to push the words out of her head... it was hopeless. She looked at the bench covered with graffiti and phrases that had been carved by nameless artists as well as some partially known cults that had started from the school years ago. Her eyes were clouded with tears that had become streamed down her cheek as the tears carried mascara and eye liner with them they dripped from her jaw and absorbed into the bench also outlining some of the etchings. Haru could feel her short black hair falling on her face but did not clear it away; she hoped that she would become invisible if hidden. She did not speak to the boy or even take a look at him because she knew that if she did she would loose all control to her emotions. For when Haru was born she was declared mentally unstable and unable to withstand any emotional pressure without releasing the grasp she had on her emotions and having them cloud her mind so she lost control. Haru was unstable because of the medical disease she was born with, it was completely new to any doctors so its origin could not be traced or cured with any prescription. For even if Haru did have the strength to look into Patrick's face or into his eyes she knew that the anger hidden deep inside of her would be released and her mind would loosen it's grasp on reality.
Now the formerly silent boy beside her decided that after a few minutes of waiting he would be prepared to talk to her, as he waited he tried to ignore the tears streaming from her face. He knew that the rage and sorrow inside of her was most likely over whelming.
When he did speak he became noticeably nervous and he stuttered on many words. “I… j...just don’t t...th...ink that it…I mean that...we are really working out, I think.... Or I, I just, well... Feel that you're just....well.... too unstable... for a relationship...” he finished almost out of breath. Before he looked up at her he swallowed hard and took a deep breath but Patrick did look up. He now felt that it was about time that he walked away from this upsetting site beside him before anyone that he knew arrived outside of the school to see him with Haru.
“I have to get out of here now” Patrick thought. "Before someone actually sees me with her"
Slowly Patrick stood up, brushed the dirt from his blue jeans and army green shirt and walked away from Haru so that he could be free from her tears and emotions and back to number one, himself. As Patrick raced back into the school he stopped in front of the doors in order to look back at her once more before disappearing from her site.
Haru was speechless. She stayed sitting and crying in front of the school for hours then and then, without realizing it, she raised her head up to see a group of students avoiding her and giving her strange looks and stares. It seemed that although there where many people out side of the school no one wanted to see, or be seen with her.
"One Slip and This Is What I Get"
Haru rested her head back into her hands and continued crying. After grieving for a while longer she went to the washroom located inside of her school so she could re-apply her make-up and wipe her tears. Inside of the washroom while underlining her eye lid in the black make-up that she had been so eager to buy as its expense was sure to cause her friends jealousy. Haru could hear the sounds of a girl sobbing and screaming. Haru opened one of the stalls slowly to find her classmate Ryouku Senaka on the floor. Senaka’s school status was known as being a loner and her suicide attempts only caused her popularity to become lower. Although she wanted to reach out and help the girl Haru did not want to get involved with someone like Ryouku, who was also known as a poor thief who would steal from anyone, anytime, anywhere. So in the attempt to end the day with some pride she left this unfortunate girl in a similar action as Patrick had left her, quickly and silently. On her way out of the bathroom Haru saw her friends on their way their last period, math.
"Was I Really Outside For Five Hours?" She wondered.
Haru paced herself while walking up to them, as usual she smiled at them and said “Hello everyone”.
“What do you want” one of the girls asked her cruelly.
“I…umm….what’s wrong with you guys…. I’m Haru…. your friend?” she stammered out in a sentence.
There was only one response that she was given, it was an angry glare followed with the words; “Now that your no longer dating Patrick you are no longer our friend” that her so-called-friends spat at her. Confused and alone she spent the rest of her day trying to find out why everyone was giving her evil glares and whispering mean comments as she walked by them. Haru could only feel anger, which was swelling inside of her mind and body which was also giving into both the fury and the rage that was fighting her mind and soul to emerge in a fiery explosion that was never released.
When Haru arrived at her house after her unfortunate day of social banishment and cruelty it was apparent to her that her parents had gone on, yet another, business trip and had left her alone again. For Haru this was completely normal for her parents would normally leave her alone for months at a time, sometimes leaving her a check or some money for small amounts of food. Her parents were every busy, they also hated the idea that their only child was sick. They had been disappointed enough when she was born; her parents had prayed for a boy but instead got a girl, they were only more disgusted that she was born with a mental illness. They felt that the more distance between them the better.
This night, in her parents’ absence, she simply sat on her living room couch crying to herself until she fell asleep in front of the television playing re-run episodes of The Trailer Park Boys and South Park which she watched only to try to raise her spirits.
After many weeks of being a social outcast she decided that she wanted to escape her painful life as quickly as possible. Haru even considered joining Ryouku to be her friend, but was heart broken when she saw that her former friends had already drafted Ryouku into their circle of friends and had glory that had been thrust upon her. She was completely outraged.
On her third month Haru was walking on her way home when a group of girls from her school suddenly appeared behind her. Insults and rude comments were thrown at her like bricks being tossed weightlessly through the air and landing in her mind with an extreme weight. In her mind Haru hoped and prayed that the girls would disappear as suddenly as they had when they appeared behind her.
“Why have they chosen me? Why must I suffer more then I already must?”
Slowly the girls made their way beside her and began to push her back and forth like a punching bag, each one of them laughing heavily. But as soon as Haru tried to run away from them, someone from behind pushed her to the ground and with a large thud followed by a crack for she landed on what appeared to be broken glass from a beer bottle, the glass shards punctured into her skin through her clothes.
As these seven girls began to punch Haru and kick her she attempted to defend herself but, sadly, it was useless; Haru was both outnumbered and out willed.
After the ambush had ended Haru laid bleeding and weeping on the ground. The last thing she remembered before completely blacking out from pain was a glimpse of what looked like Ryouku in the back of the crowd tearing and mouthing the words " Forgive me " then a foot appeared above her face and the pain of it crashing down upon her sent her spiraling into a deep sleep.
When Haru woke up again everything around her was dark, except for the ground which was streaked red with her blood. The feelings that she once hated, such as misery and banishment, seemed so heavenly compared to the pain and anguish that her body was somehow able to sustain. Regaining some strength and movement in her body was more difficult then she had imagined but as she limped towards her house she felt a small tap on her shoulder. She stopped to face Patrick, his eyes wide with fear as he watched a stream of blood spilling from her eye; she felt it but did not mind for she could no longer see out of it now.
"I'll help you." He told her reaching for her arm.
With the small amount of strength that she held in her she pushed his arm away and quietly stated coldly "I think you've helped me enough already." After she had limped away from him in an effort to escape she found herself at her front steps, on her entrance inside she practically fainted onto the ground. She regained the feeling of utter pain as she then began crawling towards her bathroom in order to scrub the blood and dirt from her body. When she was sure that she was able to move her arms again Haru began wiping away the blood and shoe prints that were left on her body from the ambush.
When her bath was over Haru tried crawling to her room to sleep but could only make it to her couch. She felt so comfortable when she was lying down even though she was still bleeding and in so much pain the knowledge of being alone was comforting.
Haru awoke few times over the next few days but she decided when she was awake, that she would rather not be and decided that she would make her final plan. After concocting what she felt was the perfect idea she went into town with her bruises and scars which were still dripping with blood. Unattended wounds were starting to appear black and purple with infection and disease had leaked onto her clothes.
When she stepped inside of the hardware store everyone looked up to gaze at Haru. This came as no surprise for her left eye had become completely black inside except for the white that had overcome the once brown iris, this showed her new blindness. Her clothes inked in blood and her hair was stuck together from her forehead bleeding though she had felt that looking into the mirror would only have her think worse of herself. Haru selected one piece of rope which was six feet in length, a black ball point pen, a two hundred page stack of paper and sewing kit. Without thinking about it Haru clutched everything that she was holding in her arms and ran as fast as her feet would travel out of the store without paying the cashier.
When Haru arrived home she began tying together the pieces of rope and scribbling pictures and words on each piece of paper with the black ink pen.
The next week her parents arrived at there home after a six month absence to find the door to their house unlocked and hung open. As they walked nervously into their house they smelled something that they had never known before, yet it disturbed them to the core to breathe in through their nose and they heard the sound of something hanging and slowly swinging back and forth.
“What the Hell has that retard done now?!” Haru’s father thought angrily to himself.
Entering their kitchen slowly they found the corpse of their long departed daughter hanging from their chandelier in their kitchen, covered in scars, bruises and infection. Flies and other types of insects were circling around her and eating her flesh. There were streams of blood coming from her eyes where they saw that their daughter had sewn her eyes shut with a needle and some black thread; the needle was still penetrating her left eye lid as the thread hung down connecting both eyes together and the thread on the ground below her. The pool of blood below her had all ready began to crust and stain the wood table.
On the kitchen table five feet away from her was a two hundred stack of paper. As the late Haru’s father flipped through each page of the papers he saw sketches of nooses and needles, and the words “Suicide Is My Fourteen Year Old Death Wish” were repeated two thousand times in black ink on every single page. As her parents inspected the corpse closer they saw that there was a small piece of paper strung to the string hanging from her eyes. As Haru's mother unfolded the piece of paper she read aloud the words written on it. "Now I Will Never Again Have To See The Cruelty Of The World, My Clouded Eyes Went Blind And Are Now Closed Forever."
At Haru's funeral only three people attended: The priest, Patrick and Ryouku.
After the funeral Patrick stayed with the tombstone of Haru while but not before Ryouku came to him and said “Patrick. . . Forgive me ". Before he knew what she was talking about she had all ready began running the opposite direction of him.
Patrick sat on the ledge of the tombstone, smoothly caressing her name with his fingers
"Why were you put in so much pain?" He asked aloud. He thought he heard Haru's voice answering his question that day, the voice said to him;
"To Make You and Everyone Else Grateful To Be Alive"
There was pain and rage inside of this fourteen year old child, it was unleashed in a desperate attempt to break away from the shackles that her parents and friends had chained her in. Her painful life was finally lifted from her; the day of her suicide Haru learned the true reason for her existence; to show everyone around her that no matter how upsetting your life may be causing others lives to be worse than yours will only end in tears and the unfortunate loose of lives.
Haru Hitashiku: born Wednesday September 23rd, 1991. Deceased Monday August 27th, 2006.
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