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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:34 pm
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A priest or your family?
Because if you lie to a priest, doesn't that pretty much guarantee you a spot in Hell? But if you lie to your family, then you have that guilt eating away at you.
xD;; Let me explain my dilemma.
Despite being atheist, my mom still wants me to get confirmed. The rest of my family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins) are all religious, but my immediate family isn't really. They don't go to church. We don't pray at the table. The most we do in terms of having God in our life is when my brother says, "God bless" to all of us before he goes to bed.
My mom told me if I don't get confirmed, I'm going to get disowned from my family. She said my grandparents would disown me - not her. She doesn't mind as much as they would.
I'm close with my grandparents. I'm their only "normal" granddaughter - my other female cousins are kind of... messed up. xD;; My older cousin, who is sixteen, is already engaged and... well, she isn't a favorite right now. And her younger sister has Downs Syndrome.
So aside from making them proud in school, I need to be a Christian for them as well. And it makes me uncomfortable, having to lie or avoid the subject that might lead up to them asking what I believe in.
I've kept quiet for now, and I probably still will, but now I have to lie to a priest.
See, for the church I'm going to get confirmed in, we have to write letters to the priest saying why we want to get confirmed and all this other stuff. All my friends -- even my own MOM -- told me to BS it. The religious leader for the class I have to go to, however, said that I should be honest. She said if we needed to the priest, herself, my mom, and I could all meet and talk about if I should get confirmed.
So... help, anyone? xD;; What should I do? Lie to the priest and have the guilt eating away at me of not only lying to a religious figure (albeit a complete stranger) but my family as well? Be honest, which might lead to more conflicts that could potentially have me get disowned?
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:54 pm
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:12 am
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:31 pm
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I was confirmed two years ago as I was really doubting the existence of a god. I disliked going to church and thanksgiving/christmas dinner prayer and CCD classes made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to get confirmed because I know I didn't beleive in God and I wasn't religious. I had to do the same exact thing as you, type out a letter to the priest on why we wanted to get confirmed. And you know what? I don't think they gave a s**t about my letter, honestly. If they truly read it they would have probably had a talk with me. Why? I was "indirectly" honest. I didn't say I didn't believe in God, but I said it didn't matter to me if I was confirmed or not and the only reason I was doing this is because it was what was expected of me. (and that I was never given a choice) I also mentioned how I "wanted" to be because it was so I could be a godparent if the opportunity came. I explained I wasn't doing it for me, but for others. So, they probably didn't even take me/it seriously. They probably didn't want to make a fuss and just let me be. (Because I never really did my CCD work seriously) And the just wanted me gone after years and years of those classes. -_- Mind you, the tone of my letter was still pleasant. I wasn't standoffish or blunt. It was like critiquing some one in a nice way. You're saying what they might not want to hear, but you're doing it in a way that wouldn't cause offense.
In the end, if you are confirmed, its no big deal. Yea, it was awkward getting religious/confirmation gifts afterward from family. (And yes, I felt guilty receiving a crystal rosary in an engraved trinket box that 'haunts' me every time I see it) But in your daily life you forget about those things and you forget you were even confirmed, because you know you're being true to yourself, and even though you're indirectly honest/dishonest with your distant family. It's worth it to keep the peace, right? If you're not religious confirmation will mean nothing to you. 3nodding (It's not like you're one religion and forced to confirm to the other)
Hope my experience helps!
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:29 pm
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I was confirmed an Episcopalian in high school and I did it for me, not my family. I truly thought I believed in all of that Christian dogma and though I did feel peer pressure from my friends at church (it was scandalous not to be confirmed by a certain age), I was confirmed because I chose to be. Even though I'm an atheist, I still feel ties to the church in which I grew up (just, not religiously based ones). My confirmation, therefore, still has meaning to me.
If I were in your position, I would talk with the priest as honestly as possible. I might not outright state that I am an atheist, but I would be frank about my wish not to be confirmed right now. As much beef as I have with Christians, I think it's disrespectful of their religion to enter into something like confirmation under false pretenses (not to mention you'd be pretending to be something that you inherently aren't). Sorry if I sound sort of bitchy; I'm not intending to, I just figured maybe I should explain a little better - the opinion of some random person online probably won't matter all that much anyway in the end.
Of course, if you're like me, and do feel some sort of ties to the church (I liked mine because of the sense of family we had in our church and because of the enormous amount of community service we did), I would say that would be a legit reason to be confirmed.
I don't know; maybe I'm too much of an idealist, but I can't imagine anyone being disowned by a family that loves them just because they didn't go through a formal confirmation ceremony.
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 9:30 pm
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Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:06 pm
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Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:31 pm
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Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:53 pm
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