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in response to Gweener's post about Wal-Mart as an effective place to go for refuge during a zombie assault, I made this rant that was so long, I couldn't in good conscience post it in the Yackity-Yak thread:
Response
I will never... ever... ever go to a freaking Wal-Mart in a zombie outbreak situation. Why!? People. What's worse, scared and panicking people. in other words, noise, people, and lots of food. Food for zombies. Zombies are drawn to people. If you want to hole up somewhere, don't pick a Wal-Mart. Especially don't pick a grocery store... those glass windows are like a display case for zombies. Besides, those little Wal-Mart doors aren't going to hold out for very long... even if you drop the gates. You know what I mean... Whether they are chain or reticulated or whatever the hell it's called plate metal, it won't hold out under even a medium sized attack. Your best bet is getting to someplace with multiple stories and then destroying the stairwell. You might want a ladder... or if it's an apartment with a fire escape, that's good too. And, if you don't have time to destroy all the stairwells, at least nail some doors or something to it so that the zombies can't rush up due to bad traction and horrible balance. Then you can knock them out one by one if they do happen to discover your presence. Not only that, but apartments are usually have at least one person from a very useful trade professions... like electricians and plumbers, which you will need.
What would you probably do?
... I, however... would probably be a runner. Group of no less than 3, no more than 8 people. 8 Is seriously pushing it... unless you can trust them. More people means more noise, which is very, very bad. but just 2 people means less supplies can be carried (especially since you want to travel fairly lightly... no more than 50 lbs of gear, if even that much) and sleeping in shifts with two people is not fun, which is why I say 3 people minimum. Everybody should learn to be a specialist in something, as well, and they should teach the others basics of what they specialize in... you know... in case you end up losing someone.
What firearms would you recommend?
As for weapons (OBEY YOUR LOCAL LAWS... at least before the outbreak...), everybody needs a sidearm--A pistol. .22 rimfire would be real nice. Semi-automatic with a clip. .22 ammo is sold freaking everywhere so you could easily raid for more ammo... and they are nice and light rounds, too... and small... and can often penetrate the skull but not go back out, so they just rattle around inside and scramble up the brain goo. You'd want, oh, I dunno... 25-30 or so rounds of ammo, I suppose.
If it were my group, one fourth should carry a shotgun as their primary, because nothing is better for close quarters clean-up (but they should only use it for close quarters). Lever or pump, I don't really care (levers can be used one-handed if need be...) sawed-off of course, single barrel... double barrel would be a bad idea... and if you could find one that uses clips, for the love of God, get it. They'd want... ... 40-50 shells (yes, I know that will take up some space.. but it's worth it).
One guy should have a hunting rifle, or something good with sniping... with a telescopic scope... and if you could somehow find a silencer, heck yes (Something tells me those are illegal? I'm not sure how you'd get one... but I could be mistaken. If you can get silencers... get them for everything you could possibly get. A gunshot can alert everything around for miles... and generally... you don't want that.). Again, 40-50 rounds.
The rest of the group should have semi-automatic rifles, or, even better, semi-auto carbines with, again, 40-50 rounds. Weapons with a wooden stock are actually better, as the butt can be hollowed out and you can actually make it so it has a small compartment on the back to put stuff like extra ammo in... and this should be done when you're not on the run... preferably before an outbreak if possible... and you might want to practice on some normal wood stuff first. ...
What about melee weapons?
For close up, I'd recommend either a machete (no serrated weapons... you wouldn't want it to get stuck in the middle of a fight, would you?) or a crowbar (somebody in the group had damn well better have a crowbar...), as not only do they make good weapons but come in handy for an obscene amount of other jobs.
Hatchets are nice too... and can also perform useful tasks... not to mention I can't think of a better thing to break through a skull and get to the brain then an axe or hatchet. Hatchets are better though... because a two-handed axe in close-quarters with many zombies is not only slow... but pretty much useless up close.
But... oh my god... if you can, get a trench spike. Definitely. Best weapon on Earth for zombies. Think about it... It is the combination of a smooth, seven-inch steel spike for a blade and brass knuckles for a handle. Developed during WWI for trench warfare in which soldier fought each other in trenches not wider than a few feet. It is literally designed to stab downward through an enemy soldiers steel helmet. You can imagine how f***tastically effective this would be against a zombie. It would be easy to stab through a zombies skull like butter, pull the smooth spike out cleanly, and whip it around to stab another ghoul. At the very least... you could knock one over with a brass knuckle punch to the face. However... I'd highly recommend gloves while using a trench spike... or brass knuckle like weapons in general, as they have a nasty habit of braking your hand if you land a blow improperly... or too hard. Gloves help stop this. Also... most trench spikes you might buy are just replicas... and not battle ready in the slightest. Make sure the ones you get are stress-tested... and ready for use. Also... I have to say that weapons like the trench spike (... most knives with a hand guard that can be used for punching, actually... in fact... most knives with hand-guards, period... even index finger loops) are banned from more Democratic states... especially California.
I'm omitting the Shaolin spade. Although, admittedly, it is one of the best weapons for decapitation... the chance of you finding one, let alone a battle-ready one, are pretty much nil.
As a side note... power tools (I'm looking at you, chainsaw) are the most retarded choice you can make. They are heavy, they are slow, they require fuel, they smell, they take time to become deadly, and worst of all... the roar one makes will draw zombies from miles around. Not to mention, once you're out of fuel... you are pretty dead, dude. The only practical use for chainsaw would be for someone to get zombies off of a vehicle, or, if you've ridden out the worst of the invasion, and are doing urban cleanup, since not only will you be in access of fuel, but you'll have lots of backup, and have the added bonus of drawing the zombies to you, instead of having to hunt for them.
Equipment for survival
Now... for equipment... everyone needs a good backpack... that's a given. Hiking boots that are already broken in, 2 pairs of socks, a wide mouthed... oh... about quart sized canteen, wind and water-proof matches, a bandanna (dust mask, makeshift bandages, etc...), small flashlight (AAA) with a coated lens, a poncho, a small signaling mirror, a sleeping bag or bedroll (but not both...), polarized sunglasses, palm sized first aid kit, swiss army knife or other multitool (I have a swiss army hammer...), survival knife (bonus if it's got that awesome hidden compartment with a compass and space for matches.)
Stuff only one person need carry
Only one person in the group needs to bring the map, compass, handheld radio (with an earpiece), binoculars, a sewing kit, a cleaning kit, water purification tablets, and signal flares.
Anything else?
Also, every group should have some kind of silent ballistic weapon... like a crossbow or silenced pistol, and ammo for at least 15 kills (if the ammo is different from your primary ammunition... like an arrow or crossbow bolt...), a medium sized medical kit, and it would be really nice if everybody had a two-way radio with headset.
Also... whenever possible, take items that combine features... you'll be surprised how much space and weight it can save, and it's well worth it, even if they might do each specific task a little bit worse than a single purpose tool.
... that pretty much covers the equipment you would need... you know... excluding obvious things like some rations, which you should probably take enough for 5 days... longer if you ration it out (which you should anyway...). Also, it might not be a bad idea for someone to carry cigarettes or alcohol with them. Trust me... when the world goes to hell... money won't matter... but I guarantee you... drugs and alcohol will always end up being useful for bartering. Of course... I'd never drink or smoke in a necropolypse... both dull the senses (especially alcohol) and the smell of a cigarette is sure to draw zombies...
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