Two... stupid things...

[lidless_i]

Yeah, I haven't written for awhile. Every time I tried I ended up hating what I wrote. Fortunately, these two turned out ok... I don't really like the ending of the second one though. It seemed too forced to me. Anyway, feedback on these is appreciated. Also, I'd like to note that I have not, in fact, been away from the guild this whole time. I have been skulking around, reading posts but not posting... So... not that it matters but I've been here. Yeah.


He was slumped in his chair, elbows resting on the desk in front of him. An expression that vaguely resembled interest adorned his face as he stared into, maybe through, the computer screen. Wherever this man really was, it was bound to be far more pleasant than the dark room he sat in now.

Reeking, unwashed clothes covered every inch of the floor, their smell had long since seeped into the walls and the carpet. A five-bladed ceiling fan with four blades squeaked and shook as it spun, no longer balanced. The fifth blade was propped up in a corner to the man’s left, mostly concealed by other garbage that had been thrown carelessly in that direction. A broken television set with a crack running through its screen from corner to corner sat by his feet. Every so often, one foot would wander over to it and run the tip of one of his toes against its cool, smooth surface. It was doubtful he was aware of this.

He continued to stare at the same page that had been in his web browser for nearly a month at that point, completely unaware of the telephone ringing in the next room. He might have glanced in the direction of the sound, but it seemed so fleeting that it is hard to tell. The phone rang twelve times before falling silent again.

Something on the page caught his attention. His gaze sharpened and he stared fixedly at a single point on the screen. After a few moments, he leaned in closer for a better look. Apparently still unsatisfied, he leaned close enough to have his eye nearly touch the screen. The thing he was staring at, the letter “s” in one of the sentences on the page was reflected full size on the surface of it.

He stayed that way, hardly blinking, for over an hour. By the time he lost interest and leaned back again, the white of the eye had become entirely red. Once again, he seemed to take no notice.

We can only hope that whatever place he had found in his head, wherever he truly found himself at the moment, it was better than this.



Elsewhere in the world, a dull, disinteresting fellow by the name of Joseph Marshall stood in the locked bathroom of a street-corner convenience store. A straight razor in one hand and his pocket watch in the other. The blade of the razor was pressed into the flesh just below his right wrist. It was sufficiently sharp enough to cut through everything down to the bone with minimal effort on his part.

All that remained was to choose. He gazed at the watch, twenty past four. Ten more minutes and he wouldn’t have time to make it to his meeting. If he didn’t decide between now and then, it would have to wait until another day.

“Are you alright in there?” A woman’s voice asked from the other side of the door. It startled him and the razor slid into his skin about a millimeter. A small trickle of blood began to flow.

“I’m fine!” He shouted. In the silence that followed, he could hear the soft pattering of droplets of blood striking the tiles underfoot.

“Alright…” She finally said. He could hear her walk away.

He refocused his attention, staring from the watch to the razor as if he expected one of the two to burst into flames any second. The watch now read 4:23 pm. Time was running out.

As he struggled to choose, thoughts of his family floated before his mind’s eye. He considered his son; a boy almost as disinteresting as his father. What would little Thomas think of his dear old dad’s decision? A tear rolled down Joseph’s cheek at the thought of his son’s confused, horrified, stare when they told him the news. The child wasn’t very bright.

He thought of his wife, a woman he had married because he had been running out of time then as well. If he hadn’t married someone, the chance would have passed him by and he would likely have died alone. Not that it made much difference now. Still, though, he had become fond of the woman, and didn’t like the idea of seeing her hurt; especially if it was his fault.

He paused for a moment, and the razor slowly moved away from the cut it had already made. The realization that this was crazy dawned on him. He couldn’t do this, not with a wife and child to look after. He pulled the razor well away from his arm, looked at it’s now crimson edge and smiled. What had he been about to do? A last glance at the watch revealed that he had two minutes left.

He had just folded the razor and slipped it back into his pocket when he remembered his boss. The smug smile the man wore as he took credit for Joseph’s work. The remarks he would often make about Joseph’s weight. The way he treated Joseph’s female co-workers. He was a man in a position of power, and he clearly enjoyed using the influence he had over others. He would often send piles of work he was supposed to have done himself down to those below him just as a deadline was approaching. One could see it in the way he smiled at them; he was just daring one of them to protest.

The worst of it was that the man was fit. Healthy as horse some might say. Joseph couldn’t leave the job for the same reason he couldn’t kill himself, and his boss was sure to outlive him. The way things looked, he was almost certain to have to work for the man for the rest of his life. It wasn’t an estimated twenty or so years he was looking forward to.

He looked at the unfinished cut on his arm and whispered to himself “Tomorrow,” Before unlocking the door and leaving.  

[Serenity Reed]

eek

Life is sad.

This is all written very well, however, the stories scare me. The mind is a terrible thing. *shudder*  

[KirbyVictorious]

I can't really sympathize; I wouldn't kill myself over an a*****e boss.

But still. Sad.

I loved the first one so.

And I picked the wrong poll bubble. ):  

[lidless_i]

Yeah, that's why the ending felt forced. I wanted to have him want to kill himself over something at work, but I couldn't think of any work related problems that couldn't be fixed by quitting...  

[KirbyVictorious]

Sigh.  

[lidless_i]

Why sigh?  

[Serenity Reed]

What else is there? Besides sighing. confused  

[Adorkable Monster]

Thats a great post! ^_^ a little sad though but i love how its written ^_^. Seriously you have me beat by miles. but thats because im not strict on myself im good but i looove everything i write...because every time it comes out completely different...the price i pay for having a child imagination...but seriously, awesome stuff! *thumbs up*  

[Starry Path]

The first one really captivated me. :O It was quite perfectly written. I'm just really curious about what was in his mind, and how he got to that state. But explaining that would probably take away from the effect of the story...

The second one I feel like you need to go into more details about why he's feeling so low. In one of your posts you said you couldn't think of how anything work-related could lead to suicide. Some ideas I've come up with is just the feeling of incompetence, like he felt like he couldn't work anywhere because of it, and he feels like he even fails his family. Or, maybe his boss blackmailed him. Maybe he made a big mistake earlier in his career, and his boss uses it to hold him there at that job. Maybe he hates his job, but isn't qualified to do what he likes doing, and it is too late for him to change his paths (in his opinion). Sorry...I got a little too into the story...  

[lidless_i]

Nice suggestions, thanks. I especially like the one about him feeling incompetent. With a little tweaking, that might be a good enough reason... I suppose I should be flattered that you were "too into the story," though... Thanks...  

[Starry Path]

Haha, glad I could help! smile