Shame

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

I was talking with my neighbour last night, and discovered that she has history with the Episcopal church in which I grew up. We reminisced for a while, and mused about how funny it was that we ended up as next door neighbours. Since I never made any statements either way about my current religious status, I think she figured I was still a Christian. In many ways, I still consider myself an Episcopalian, albeit an atheistic one, which doesn't make sense to most people. I actually found a friend at school who's in a similar position, and his opinion on it is pretty much spot-on what I think: the Episcopal church is, in spite of its many traditionalists, a pretty openminded denomination which encourages respect for the Bible and such, but also encourages questioning and finding one's true beliefs rather than blindly believing whatever the priest says. My friend says that even though he doesn't believe in any god, if he did happen to wake up one day believing in one, he'd nurture that belief through the Episcopal church. This pretty much describes me as well.

Before I mentioned this, my neighbour asked about my boyfriend (who may actually be lurking in this guild as we speak XD) - she was wondering if he was an atheist or if he was a theist who was angry with religion. I told her that he is an atheist, and when she asked me how it was working, I told her that I'm an atheist as well, though admittedly I fall into the more spiritual category of atheists. I felt a little embarrassed to admit this to her, because I know so many people who purposely try to make me feel ashamed of my nonbelief. She's not one of those people, but after a certain amount of that kind of response, I've come to almost expect it from everyone I talk to.

As I proceeded to tell her, the spiritual side of me comes from a certain feeling I've always had. I used to mistake this feeling for God, but I really believe that it's something else. It's nearly impossible for me to explain to anyone else, but it's something like a feeling of being connected to all life and all matter in the universe. It's much more abstract than believing in God, not to mention the fact that I don't believe that this feeling comes from a conscious entity, nor do I believe that a supernatural being created anything. She thinks it sounds like faith, but I don't see it that way.

So, why do I hesitate to tell people about my atheism? My parents don't even know about it, and I'm actually more frightened to tell them that I don't believe in God than I was to tell them I'd be moving in with my boyfriend without getting married first. For those of you who have had this problem, how did you deal with the imagined guilt that comes along with admitting to your atheism? For those of you who haven't, is there something that helps you stay true to yourself without feeling guilty?  

[Kidrahs]

Well, im preety open about being an atheist, but I don't go around telling everyone. But if someone asked me about god or religion in general, I just tell them im an Atheist. So far, no one, other than my mom and step-dad, gave me any greif over it. My mom was troubled at first, but I know she will love me no matter what. And as for my step-dad...well, I don't realy give a damn about his opinion xd .

If i ever run into a situation where someone will have something to say about my atheism, something not very nice... I say bring it on. I don't want to go into a fight or anything, but im up for a good debate( I know I probably won't win, but hey, i'll try), but thats just me. My point is, if, or when, the topic comes up, just be honest, with them, and yourself.

I realy hope this helps you.  

[Dathu]

Well, you see, I talk alot. I'm a very social person, and I'm always bringing up moral issues and breaking down their logic. Just as when I was religious, I was a little preachy, as an Atheist, I'm a little judgmental. The moment I realized I was Atheist, I began talking about it. Within a month all my friends and family knew about it. This is not to say that there weren't repercussions. My parents flipped since they are Catholic.

I guess you could say in the begining I was proud that I was an Atheist, because I felt like I had figured something out that other people were to simple to see. But now, if I don't know somebody well, I won't bring it up. In fact, these days I rarely talk about it to anyone. Not because I don't want to, but because it never seems to come up in conversation. I just come here to get it out of my system.  

[[The Looney Bin]]

The dinosaurs are returning...

It's actually almost the opposite where I live.

At my school religious kids make up the minority because for one I live in the super liberal part of Portland Oregon.

Most kids are fairly closeted about their beliefs =].

Although they admit to them if they feel that they need to.

3nodding 3nodding 3nodding

...and they want their oil back.

 

[Xiporah]

I live in a fairly clustered suburban area outside Washington DC. The majority of church goers here aren't zealots. No one has time for zealots.

The zealots pretty much stick to and around their mega-churches and shun outsiders. My friend's mom was shunned by the one closest to our house because she was wearing a gold cross when she walked in. She took it of in the bathroom and noticed people treated her differently after that.

The ultra mega zealots are easy to avoid here, because there are so few of them. They usually have megaphones and shout how you are going to hell because you own an iPod or have a nice job. ANd Honestly, I haven't seen that particular guy in about three years.

So when it comes to 'shame', I really have none. I do however avoid admitting until I have to because they usually want to have a debate with me and I don't debate, and honestly, I just want them to STFU so I can go back to reading my news paper. I have better things to think about.

 

[Daffodil the Destroyer]

With me, I don't tend to feel this shame when I'm presented with obnoxious or zealous theists - I feel slightly embarrassed only when presented with a very sincere and nice theist (heh, sort of rare creatures, those... at least they are around here). These people really believe that they are doing me a favour by talking about god, or whatnot, and they normally don't understand me when I explain my reasons for not believing... when it comes to explaining this stuff, I don't want to come across like I'm trying to convince them to give up their beliefs, so it's sometimes difficult to make sure I'm phrasing things in a non-inflammatory way.

Most people assume I'm a Christian to begin with, because I grew up as one, and I still consider myself to be an atheistic member of the Episcopal church, so if I mention church, people assume I must believe in god. It's uncomfortable for me to have to correct their mistaken assumptions because they're so nice it's almost like I don't want to disappoint them.

Also, I can talk theoretical theology with the right kind of Christian all day long - and often, they mistake this for my actual beliefs, rather than what it is. And "what it is" is just how I think that a god would operate if it does exist.  

[WritelySo]

First off, a feeling of connectedness to the earth and to everything is perfectly rational and need not be elevated to "supernatural, spiritual." When you think about the earth from a biological point of view, everything is intertwined, everything relies on everything else. Nothing "supernatural" about that.

I will say you probably hesitate to tell people and feel bad about being atheist because the culture and people around you highly respect and value religious faith, and you feel you are disappointing them and not living up to society's expectations. I felt that way when I first started telling people that I did not believe... I knew that they would look down on me, they would try to convert me, etc. I dealt with it by reminding myself how very important honesty and genuineness were to me. I was being honest and truthful to people, I was not going to pretend to believe just to be accepted.  

[Sanguvixen]

You fear coming out because you fear isolation. That is how it usually is...you never know how people will react to learning that someone they care about is different when it comes to religion.

I don't have a reason to come out to my parents and tell them I am an atheist. When it comes down to it what I believe or don't believe in is my business unless there is a legitimate reason to make it otherwise. The only time I openly talk about my being atheist is when around my circle of friends who are all pretty open-minded people. In fact I know one guy who I see on a regular basis...who is a Christian and he's really cool because he shares an almost atheistic stand-point when it comes to church and other theists. He believes in the Christian god but kind of distances himself from church.

The only time I have to deal with zealots is when I go to College...because I've been the target of some collective bullying and I just avoid those people now because I really don't like confrontations. There is also a zealot that shows up every other Friday to tell people they are going to hell but he's pretty much ignored and laughed at.

There is nothing wrong with being atheist. When I see that zealot holding that sign saying I'm going to hell...I know that if there was a hell he would be the one who could there first far before I ever would...and that is how I live my life. I don't care what others believe in, if they leave me alone I'll leave them along and we can get along just fine.