Loretta is such a nice girl

[Propaganda X]

Her names Loretta. She lives in a farm with her two grandparents who've been herding cattle for the last forty years. She works in the stable and listens to Jazz at 6. She loves the feel of grass between her toes and hates the smell of pine. Ever since she was a little girl she's wanted to be a florist in the big city. At 9am she'll get up and make a full bowl of porridge only to eat half every time. She's fallen in love with a door-to-door salesman named Curly Joe. She always smiles whenever the lights go off in her room because she pretends that shes a bat in a dark cave flying around for a midnight snack. She enjoys watching old Japanese movies just so she can turn down the volume and dub the entire show and shes sprawled across my windscreen. Dead.

(Just a small intro to a story that may or may not come about)  

[5 to midnight]

Well, Loretta does sound nice...  

[penandpaper67]

I see the effect that you want to get with this, and the end of the paragraph really does surprise the reader. However, this isn't a particularly effective way to start a story. Instead of stating of the life story of Loretta in a couple of sentences in the first paragraph, it would make more of an impact to find out these things gradually. Plus, if you're writing in the present tense, the narrator wouldn't know these things about Loretta unless he/she had met her before, so there are continuity issues there. I'd like to see the whole piece (if you ever do finish it) to see how it turns out. You also have a couple of punctuation errors, but I'm not going to point them out because I think to really make this story worthwile you'd have to write it all out and completely rewrite your intro.