Circles and Circles.

[Tak-Jak]

Lily,

I visited Delirium yesterday.
And it has occurred to me that one day, preferably sooner than later, I will have to stop trying to define myself and just accept the fact that I am everything all at once.
That I do not feel only one thing, I am not only one thing, but instead I feel many things in every moment, and many different self’s experience each moment.
I think this is the real human condition.
But most of us convince ourselves that we should only feel one thing at a time and should be one type of person. It makes life bearable, as some could not bear to dwell in a place where there is always inner tension. Where different sides of themselves are constantly bumping up against one another like tectonic plates.
We’re taught that Order, above all else, is essential. And that we must fear Chaos. To be many things all at once is to live in constant Chaos.
I have never known Order or lived with it and perhaps this is what makes it much easier for me to dance from one aspect of myself to another.
I have spent years trying to figure out who I AM, which side is ME, and which aspects are merely transitions.
But it has occurred to me now that all of them are me and all of them are transitions.
Today, a part of me is off drowning in despair.
And another part of me is visiting a land where the skies are made of cherry pies and everything is wonderful simply because we want it to be so.
There are other parts scattered everywhere.
And I feel all of them. It’s not as though they cancel each other out.

Today on the surface, here, I appear to others as distant.
"Not really here."
And that is true.
For today, all of my sides have flown to other places.

There are people trying to force me to do things I cannot do until I return from all these places. I don’t know when that will be but I know I cannot do anything until it happens. And I certainly can’t explain to them why I must wait. So I just leave it as, "because I can’t." I know that is not enough of an answer but they know me well enough to know the only action left is for them to walk away.

The center still holds.  

[KirbyVictorious]

this reminds me of a conversation I had with B about the nature of one's inner self--what truly makes eveyrone unique, and how the mind registers what isn't seen.

Only you put it better than I could.

*is awed*  

[Tak-Jak]

Thanks.

Nice Avi by the way. wink  

[KirbyVictorious]

Thaaaaaaanks. heart I ********' love it.