opinions...?

[StrawberryFlavoredDisease]

so much for my Dignity. there is not much left, you see, the remains spread out on the pavement where She promised me She'd stay forever but She had to go and don't ever say never but i never believed Her, i never believed... and i suppose that is why She can never breathe again... my friend, the only one in the world for this lonely girl with a smile that has curled into a sneer of hate and pain and all my hopes have been slain by sad boys with sinister toys and an insatiable love for the degradation of humanity and my sanity, cradling it up to the highest cliff, ready to drop it in a swift motion and never a notion of how that would affect his latest defect crossed his mind as he stepped past time's restrictions where life is again his biggest affliction. sometimes i fool myself into missing him but i remember he had a part in ripping my heart from me in the form of my sweet Dignity.
.....



sooo... what do you think?
besides the fact that i don't capitalize as much as i should.  

[Ravitacus]

Capitalize where it should be capitalized. I didn't really read it because the lack of capitalization really threw me off.  

[StrawberryFlavoredDisease]

well, actually i think that the way i capitalized shows my priorities by importance. i see myself as nothing without "my sweet Dignity" so i'm sorry you couldn't read it simply because i have breached the boundaries and confines of the "proper way" to express myself.  

[penandpaper67]

I respect your creativity, but I think that if you want people in this guild to take your writing seriously, you need to capitalize. I don't mind that you capitalized things that didn't need to be capitalized, I love it when people do that. As for your writing, you have WAY too many run on sentences. I can't tell if you were going for poetry written in a prose-like shape or just prose, because it rhymed a lot. And no offense, but I found your rhymes slightly over-used and cheesy. I do love some of the words you used and you took an interesting view on the topic. I liked it, but it still needs some work.  

[StrawberryFlavoredDisease]

awwww, that's a pain... so much less freedom. but thank you, i shall work on it.
and about the run on sentences, it was supposed to flow and be read fast, i guess? but mostly to flow.
i suppose i am such an amatuer that i don't even know what a prose is... much less its shape. sweatdrop
which rhymes sounded cheesy?
thank you, bye the way.
i need criticism in order to get better so i need all i can get.
so, thank you again.  

[penandpaper67]

Prose is basically writing in paragraph form. Novels are written in prose, for example. Pretty much all writing except for poetry can be classified as prose. And I guess it was just the "sad boys with sinister toys" part that sounded cheesy to me. I'd be interested to see it written in poetry form, because I think it would sound a lot better that way. Like I said, it sounds more like poetry than prose.  

[StrawberryFlavoredDisease]

I... kind of meant it as poetry.

I'm kind of confused,now. sweatdrop  

[penandpaper67]

If you meant it as poetry, then the format is just as important as the words you use to write it. Add some line breaks and form some stanzas. That will help TREMENDOUSLY. Once you do that, you'll be on the right track.  

[Empress Raven Vulcana]

penandpaper67

If you meant it as poetry, then the format is just as important as the words you use to write it. Add some line breaks and form some stanzas. That will help TREMENDOUSLY. Once you do that, you'll be on the right track.

I'm pretty sure I cannot even read a paragraph without getting distracted anymore. I'm used to reading poetry.  

[Collote]

Whoa, where the heck is your capitilization and periods...?

Fix...