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 Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:15 pm
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okay, so I'm writing a book, and I want to know what you think about the plots I have it. ( I have the prologue written, so I'll put that up once I get some opinions)
So, for the first one, its a ghost story, (that's Jonas Brothers related.) about a boy that gets assassinated the day before his sixteenth birthday. 50 years later, Hayden moves into the house with her widowed mother. Shortly after they move in, Hayden notices strange things happening around the house. Including, floating objects, mind reading, and a mysterious boy.
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Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 5:25 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 4:25 pm
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Prologue
Nick suddenly opened his eyes. He swore he had heard something. Of course, he had been feeling paranoid all night, so he wasn't sure if the noise was real or not. He was home alone, he hadn't been feeling well, so he had his family go to the Laker's game without him.
Deciding that he needed a some water, Nick got up off the couch. Walking into the kitchen, he saw something move in the walk-in pantry. "Who's there?" He asked, nervously. A few moments later, a large man walked out of the pantry. A malicious smile spread across the man's face. Taking a shotgun out of his pocket the man said, "happy 16th birthday, Nick Jonas... or not!" Pulling back the trigger, the man watched as the bullet went right in between Nick's eyes.
50 years later
Nick sat bolt-upright in his bed. It must have been a bad dream, he thought to himself. Standing up, Nick saw at least half an inch of dust on everything, like it hadn't been touched in years. Confused, Nick reached up the scratch his head, when he noticed a transparent, glowing thing sticking out of his sleeve. "What the-" He said, looking at and through his hand. After a minute, he realized that his whole body was transparent. Feeling slightly light headed, Nick leaned against the wall. Feeling his arm slide through something that felt like butter, Nick turned to see that he was elbow deep in wall. "Gah!" He yelled, pulling out his arm. "That wasn't a dream then..." He said out loud. "That means that I'm-I'm dead." |
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:27 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 3:16 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:05 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:52 am
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Don't worry about it. Ooh! Here's chapter one... maybe... 3nodding
Oh yeah, and the time for this is kinda confusing, so I'm probably going to change the prologue a little. xd
Chapter One
I looked at the house. I absolutely loathed it. If it wasn't for the house, I would still be in Claremore, Oklahoma, things were almost normal there. By almost, I mean the fact that I can see things no one else can. These things are ghosts.
"Hayden!" My mom called from behind me, "come get your stuff out of the truck."
"Whatever," I replied, walking over to my mom's light blue 1978 Chevy. Grabbing my box of stuff, I started trudging up to the front door. I glared at the Living Room as I started up the stairs.
Opening the door to my room, I set the box down on my bed. Looking around, I remembered what the room looked like a few weeks ago. There had been furniture still in it from the previous owners. The only good thing we found was a couple of guitars, a piano, and a drum set, I had forced my mom to let me keep them. A smile spread across my face as I remembered all of this. Once I had put all of my stuff away, I laid down on my bed and fell asleep.
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 4:01 pm
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Chapter Two
Nick's POV
The last two weeks had been the hardest weeks of my life. Well, I guess I wasn't alive, but you get the point. First of all, I found out that I had been dead, (I still have issues with that,) for 50 years. Which meant that my parents were dead, also, and Kevin and Joe were obscenely old. Like in their 70's.
The good thing is that I'm pretty sure no one can see or hear me, especially because I still get creeped out when I get a body part sunk halfway into the wall. But by far, the worst part was that they had thrown away all of the instruments I had had. Unless that brown haired girl had taken it back.
There was something about that girl, I thought as I sat on the fence, looking up at the house. As the girl looked out the window, I could swear she was looking straight at me. As she walked away from the window, I heard the weirdest thing. I heard the girl saying, "He's kinda cute. His brown hair and eyes."
So, she had seen me, and apparently liked me, too. I'm not sure about you, but thats just strange. Seriously, a living girl, liking a dead boy. It wasn't right. Of course, to me right now, the world isn't right.
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Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 6:57 am
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Haha, I don't like the Jonas Brothers either. xD
Okay, edits.
Prologue: "...he needed a some water." Get rid of the 'a'. [:
Chapter one: "If it wasn't for the house, I would still be in Claremore, Oklahoma, things were almost normal there." Maybe use a semicolon? --> " If it wasn't for the house, I would still be in Claremore, Oklahoma; things were almost normal there."
"...and a drum set, I had forced my mom to let me keep them" Do some thing different with that comma...? Maybe a period or semicolon?
Chapter two: "...I had been dead, (I still have issues with that,) for 50 years." ---> "...I had been dead-I still have issues with that-for 50 years." Either way, the comma needs to come after the )... whatever ) called... I forgot. Haha.
"Like in their 70's." Say they're 70 someway else, maybe... that just sounds... strange.
"...but thats..." --> "...but that's..."
"...a living girl, liking..." --> "... a living girl liking..."
"it wasn't right." ---> (keep it present tense) "It isn't right."
Yeah, you're going to need to change the prologue.
Great job other than that! Keep it up! [:
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