Remy told me to (yes I know we don't need any more of these)

[KirbyVictorious]

Donthitme ><

~

Come

Darkness, milky and smooth, rich as chocolate;
Softness, the caress of petals on skin--
skin on skin, the silky touch of purity,
the dampness like dew on the leaves
as we sway, to and fro,
searching with our fingertips for the hidden crystal caves.

Our moves are
rhythmatic, like the waves, like distant drums
As we
move together, a clash of moon and sun
And we
drift apart, forming cloud formations in our sky
Only to collide once more
in a wild electrical storm.
Our bodies are the earth, fierce tectonic shifts,
we are smooth as glacier rivers
and as fiery as wine.

We search inward, exploring the deeps,
plunging into the warm moist darkness
like eyes closed against the taste of strawberries
nd outward, an elliptical orbit,
never failing to return and renew the dance.
Ears filled with the gasping whispers of a wind through olive groves
Eyes filled, hearts stuffed full
of the awesome and indestructible
profoundness of the vast sweeps
of sheer beautiful.

A gurgling rush like a brook in the newness of spring;
Noise as insensible and wonderful as dawn bird song;
Sweetness like sunlight in the summer,
like the clearness of the sprinkled stars
huge as the moon, bright as the sun,
heat pressing in like the morning after rain
Pleasure pulses through us like blood, like magma
and we erupt with ecstasy--
Clear whiteness like endless untouched snows
And the exhilarating vertigo
of mountains, rising to the climax of the world.
Surely all the earth was made
in pale imitation
of nights like these.  

[Tak-Jak]

*gigglesnort* Matt is behind me, he read it... and thinks its a great idea... xd

Anyways. Third stanza, a few typos or things I would change...

1st line - "exploring the deep" rather than deeps.
4th - nd -> and

And well.. this was my favorite stanza. Loved the "gasping whispers of wind through olive groves" and you stole my strawberries again!

Oh! "a gurgling rush" made me laugh... like.. really hard. Not in the bad way mind you. xd  

[Voxxx]

3nodding Voxxxie likes. You were much nicer about it than many of the people who are like, CAROLINE, SEX! Your words were nicer. Lovely images (not like that!). I love olive trees.

Congratulations, you get the Voxxxie seal of approval.

There were a few lines that were a bit off. In that one down there, you used "form" twice.

drift apart, forming cloud formations in our sky

I liked the bit about the crystal caves.

"Deeps" should be "deep."

The ending was particularly strong. Can I quote you on that?  

[KirbyVictorious]

Mmk. Deeps to deep and making instead of forming. Thanks for the critique~ glad you guys liked it! and matty too. And yes, stole the strawberries--it was the most sexual natural food I could think of at the time. And yes, you can quote me ><  

[d e s d e m o n o]

Chocolate > Wine > Strawberries on the Activity Series of Sexual Foodstuffs.

That said, this was pretty sexy. Although the gushing did indeed crack me up.  

[KirbyVictorious]

rofl

Sending this to B. Entertainment to ensue. I wish I could see him blushing ^^