Grrr...

[Alisa Chatoyant]

this is a little something i wrote for a competition. it was supposed to be some sort of halloween story and this is what i came up with. after you've read it, please tell me what you think, as im not sure if its any good.
thank you, enjoy. biggrin

I dash through the Woods, wich I loved so much, but that now seems so sinister in the darkness. my bare feet are now cut and bleeding from the sharp and splintered twigs. My breath comes out as short puffs of vapour. I listen to my feet crunching on the ground then suddenly stop as I realize something. Where is it? I’m sure it was there a second ago: I could hear it charging after me, galloping at an inhuman rate. So where is it now? I quickly spin round scanning the forest that I am submerged in. Nothing. It’s pitch black anyway: my eyes are no good to me now. I might as well have have my eyes closed. I tense and listene intently. Giving up on my sight I let my ears pick up sounds. Still, nothing. I’m about to run on but I freeze when I hear something…something that makes my whole world stand on end.

“Grrr…” low growling to my left. Soft, terrifying... So it’s still there. I twist to where the noise is coming from. “Grrr…”, now it comes from a different direction than before. Playing games…it’s playing games. I groan quietly and stand stock still, shaking. Is it from the icy winds, shaking the trees leafless? Or just pure fear for what my fate might be? I can’t tell.

“Grrr…”, there it comes again, low and guttural. I’m considering running on, to keep up the chase but I suddenly feel something, something warm…something…breathing down my neck. My eyes widen but yet I remain still. It’s there…right behind me, so close that I can feel the warmth of its furry body. I hear it lick its jaws but it doesn’t advance, not yet. It doesn’t make any attempt to do anything…just, stands there, as if savouring my fear. Then …I feel its muzzle draw up next to my ear, so close that I can feel the individual hairs brush my cheek. I squeeze my eyes tight shut and ball my fists so tightly that my knuckles whiten.

“Grrr…”. Tears trickle down my cheek as I try to hold back the sobs that threaten to spill out of my pursed trembling lips. It opens its mouth slightly, its razor sharp teeth parting, and whispers something.

“…This…ends…” it murmurs, “…it…ends…………..NOW!”  

[dragongirl187]

I like how descriptive you were, but you definitely need to proofread it, and some of the sentences seem awkward.  

[Alisa Chatoyant]

i did proof read it but maybe i missed something and yes, i hadn't realized that it was awkward untill i had read it xD  

[Collote]

Okay, check for typos and spelling... (which not wich).

Also... commas inside of quotation marks.