my story

[pennysakuraharuno]

in illnois,chicago
there lived a girl,her name was
cindy.she went to her freinds house everyday.
she was still playing at 7:00 pm.she heard
foot steps.it was getting louder. a boy
apeared that wasn't one of her freinds,the boy had a gun.
after that day she was never saw again.  

[x0StrawberryLemonade0x]

Ummm... this isn't much of a story (no offense). Let me explain. First of all, it is extremely short, a few sentences at most, and secondly, if you want to write a story, however short, always, ALWAYS use proper grammar. I put an emphasis on the always because a story without proper grammar is no story at all, especially when you can hardly tell when a sentence ends and another starts. Now, onto the good parts. You could make this a really good mystery/thriller if you add so many details that it makes you sick, so you can clearly paint a picture in the reader's mind. Even though this is a very short story, it could be good but you just leave too many loose strings. What did she look like? What did the boy look like? Where was her friend? What actions were taken after people noticed she had gone missing? Where was her body? What did the room look like? See, the list goes on and on, the major things you could fix are the grammar and tieing up loose ends. Other than that, this could have some potential.  

[SPLENDiiD123]

Anyone think that was WEIRD??
That was WAYYYY 2 short.
Anyone know how the boy knew her?Why he killed her?  

[Haji The Forsaken]

super short >.<  

[x-Jessieebaybiehh]

wtf shortt!! gurl.  

[Color Me Arabella]

that was more of a sentence on a scary forwaRD text no offence but
it wasnt that good but im sure youll get much better sweatdrop  

[-IForgivingShadow-]

huh?  

[Kikisaur]

u rushed it  

[Green GellyBean]

needs 2 b longer  

[OwO V]

I HAVE A SHOETER STORIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! >_<


ONCE apon a time...bobstolemycookie theend!!!!

RANDOMNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
POOF!(dissapears)