A Stolen Heart *With Pictures*

[Collote]

Okay, I'll think of something, all though I'm not sure if I'm going to use the word "town".

She stood elegantly, a champagne glass held inches from her strikingly red lips, waiting patiently to be drunk as the woman laughed. --->
She stood elegantly, a champagne glass held inches from her strikingly red lips, waiting patiently to be drunk as she laughed.

"Her dress diffracted the light into hues of pale rose and salmon" <-- Yes, I'd totally use that if I was a good enough writer to think of something like that. I'll look that part over...

Quote:

"Love is what he saw in her the most. It engulfed her eyes, her mind, and her movements with its wonder" -- I'm not sure if love is something that the lover is infused with, I think the lover is the one who sees it.

Hmm... okay... I guess I wouldn't know.

Quote:

"He looked away, pain in his heart, directing his glance towards the man whose company Elizabeth was enjoying." -- Okay, I thought she was getting drunk with another woman or by herself? Please fix continuation!

She's standing by a man and she's not getting 'drunk'... when I used the word 'drunk' I meant she was going to drink the glass.

Quote:

"unlocking his eyes from Elizabeth." -- there is a very fine distinction here b/w "Elizabeth" and "Elizabeth's", which determines the nature of the well-bred gentleman. Does he love her, or is he seducing her? This is very important. EDIT: okay, it says just a bit later that he is in love with her, so changing it to "Elizabeth's" is necessary.

She's not looking at him.  

[Priestess of Neptune]

Feel free to incorporate whatever changes you feel are necessary.

I'd be flattered if you 'stole' my words. But if you do something with this and you borrow them, I require recognition.

The first quote has been changed, though. The first "lover" should be "lovee"- that might clear it up for ya.

About looking at her: I feel strongly about this edit, but it's your call. Note that whether or not she is looking at him changes the meaning here in the slightest way, much less than changing to the possessive does.