Scar

[Collote]

She gazed into the mirror with hazel eyes that appeared bright blue beneath the sheet of tears. An unmistakable thought crossed her mind that her eyes never appeared so splendid except for when she was in pain. Her cheeks stood out against the rest of her pale face, for they were coated with a layer of dried tears. Brown hair sprung about around her face because she had pulled at it during her fit of rage.

Rage towards herself for missing him.

A chill ran through her body as she was reminded that the scar was reopening. She had almost healed the scar; she had almost completely forgotten him. He had almost become a distant memory much like the memories of her cheerful childhood. Unlike those days of picking unclean berries on the beach that can only be brought back to mind by glancing at pictures, the thoughts of him can be reincarnated by anything. She picked at the scab, thinking about him purposely and attempting to communicate with him, which led to the bloody mess of an exposed scar.  

[Priestess of Neptune]

Okay Collote, you're a good writer so I'm going to 'beef up' my editing for you. Accordingly, most of these will be style edits (aka not necessary, but they will make it sound better).

A pronounced thought -- I think you mean something similar to pronounced, but couldn't find the right word.

never looked -- This is the second time you've used "looked" (yes, I know they were used as different parts of speech, but still), which isn't a very strong word in the first place. You could use scintillated, then change beautiful to an adverb.

beautiful -- A pedestrian word, changing it will make your writing more descriptive and eloquent-sounding.

accept for when -- Change to except.

stood out amongst -- While both among and amongst are prepositions, I think amongst sounds strange in this case. *reads further* Ah, I see why it isn't right. You have a number disagreement. "Among/st" is the wrong word here, you need "against" or something similar.

her pale face -- Comma after face.

every which way -- This is a bromide. Plus I think it needs a hyphen. I would just change it, though.

since she had pulled at it -- I'm not sure what kind of disagreement this is, but it's not right. "Since" needs to be changed to "because" or something similar, unless you add a time reference.

A chill ran through her body -- Another bromide.

I think you have changed tenses in the second paragraph, but don't quote me on that. The sudden introduction of "was" breaks your hitherto paralleling of verb structure.

Once reminded about him, -- Way different verb tense.

scab-thinking about him purposely and attempting to communicate with him-which led -- change your hyphens to commas. Yes, what you have is valid, but commas will sound better. Otherwise, you would need spaces before and after each hyphen, or at least after (spaces before is a matter of preference).

My opinion: I like the heavy use to pronouns to give this a partially abstract feel. Your use of commonplace words (verbs and adjectives) let me down, but that's ('kinda-sorta-not-really') okay. What is this about? Is this just something you felt like writing, 'on a whim'?  

[Collote]

You're edits/opinions are much appreciated... thank you.

I wrote this because I knew I was in the mood to write this. I just sat down and wrote what was on my mind. I suppose it isn't the best piece I've written, but it means quite a lot to me.

I have not finished it and I may never finish it.  

[Chetri]

I like it. It conveys an array of feelings, mostly love and loss oriented. I think it would be nice in verse, though possibly a little cliche. Keep up the good work.  

[Collote]

Chetri

I like it. It conveys an array of feelings, mostly love and loss oriented. I think it would be nice in verse, though possibly a little cliche. Keep up the good work.

Thank you! heart  

[Monkeegirl1960]

I like it.

Just saying, as these things bug me, shouldn't there be a space between 'which' and 'led' in the last sentence?

I think that's all the edits I have that haven't already been mentioned.

All in all, pretty good.

peace, love, and good books,
Monkeegirl1960

 

[Collote]

Monkeegirl1960

I like it.

Just saying, as these things bug me, shouldn't there be a space between 'which' and 'led' in the last sentence?

I think that's all the edits I have that haven't already been mentioned.

All in all, pretty good.

peace, love, and good books,
Monkeegirl1960

Yes, you're right. That was a typo. Thanks!