|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 9:01 pm
|
|
|
|
Post 3/38
Okay, I just read the first chapter so far, but I have a huge piece of feedback that I can safely assume applies to most of your stories. You have a tendency to make long, extensive lists of descriptors in order to add more "depth" to your characters and settings. When you were describing "Green" for example, you noted that he was wearing tights, he had a green hat, a green tunic, he stood no more than five feet tall, he didn't look a day over seventeen, etc., etc., etc. To most readers (and writers) this is monotonous and denotes either writers block, an unwillingness to edit, or an immature author. I am not trying to be mean, even though I might sound like an a*****e right now. Certain aspects were interesting, such as the early development of Green's short temper or Zenia's wisdom. Allow me to try and help somewhat with the listing of details problem:
The young boy stood, skin as alabaster marble amongst strings of gold. He sighed, visibly tired of this long journey. As yet another strong gust blew across the desert, he grabbed his verdant green cap and squinted in vain to keep the sand from his emerald eyes.
Again, sorry if I seemed like an a** here, just trying to indulge your desire for critique.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 7:18 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 11:07 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|