On Lifestyles in Lolita and the Reasons Behind Them

[spuntino]

As far as fashions go, lolita perhaps has some of the most deeply ingrained stereotypes when it comes to behavior that I have ever seen. Certainly, other fashions have subcultures and stereotypes attached [such as goth kids being dark and morbid, or scene kids being depressed and self-centered], but those that go along with lolita seem to permeate the fashion so fully that people introduced to it have a dead set idea of how a lolita not only should look, but act, speak and live. Many of these preconceptions are so powerful that girls who do not even wear the clothing have come to think of themselves as lolitas in many cases, simply because they live 'the lifestyle' as they see it.

The term 'lifestyle lolita' applies to many different people in many different ways. Some believe that this term should relate to being as well-behaved, ladylike and genteel as possible. Others believe that it's about having as much fun as possible, and damn the consequences. Yet more believe that their lolita lifestyle is their regular day-to-day with a bit of extra fluff and lace thrown in. These varying definitions cause a shocking amount of drama among the lolitas on Gaia and in other lolita communities, as well. Bloggers such as Skye of The Princess Portal extol the virtues of their particular lifestyle choice and share ways in which it can be similarly executed, while others choose to share their experiences in communities like Eat ******** Cake, which focuses on the ridiculous, occasionally subversive, and almost always off-the-wall aspects of life as a lolita.

The manners in which a lolita lifestyle can manifest are so varied and personal that there is no one absolute answer as to what the real lifestyle is. Many new lolitas become confused by this, and ask what they should do if they don't like behaving like a princess, or going to supremely feminine events such as tea house meet-ups. Even more insist that the only way to be a true lolita is to speak properly, behave primly, and never rock the boat in public or engage in catty behavior. The truth is that a fashion should not change your lifestyle just because you think that's how things should be, but rather because you enjoy how it makes you feel. These choices and the values behind them are utterly subjective and open to interpretation.

So.

Having said all of that, my discussion for you today is as follows:

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?

Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this? (answer second question for both 'yes' and 'no' answers, please!)

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
 

[Seamstress]

Some of your discussion questions are a bit too hard for me to answer right now biggrin

I'm not sure I consider myself a lifestyle lolita, but I definitely think of myself as a lolita whether in or out of the clothing. This is because lolita fashion is my consuming passion at the moment.

The stereotype lolita lifestyle of being nice, eating sweet foods and practising hand crafts appeals to me because those things were all a part of my lifestyle anyway. That's just who I am and my personality (well, I TRY to be nice most of the time biggrin ) since I was little. My favourite lolita lifestyle blog to read nowadays is http://lolita-charm.blogspot.com/

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
Yes! If they have the love for the fashion and the desire to own and wear it they can be a lolita. But other people might not recognise this if they are a lolita in disguise biggrin I considered myself a lolita (albeit in training) since the moment I decided to find a way of wearing it myself.

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
When I first discovered lolita fashion I was overwhelmed by the ethereal beauty of it and I didn't realise it was something I could even participate in myself (until years later!). I couldn't analyse how the look was constructed, because I was completely blown away by it. I didn't have any preconceptions other than the cuteness factor and beauty of the clothes, which I still embrace as essential elements of the fashion smile

Now, having made the step of becoming a lolita myself, I interact with other lolitas online and in person and I get exposed to their ideals of how the fashion should be presented. I get bombarded with their ideals of beauty - complicated beauty routines and expensive beauty products - but I reject these. For me the love has always been of the clothes. I don't care about hair and makeup and other ways of pursuing commercial "beauty".

As a more (style) confident, mature woman I can subjectively distinguish the good lolita fashion advice from the general teenage girl dramatics to complement what makes up my own style of lolita fashion.

For me, the ideal lolita lifestyle is being true to yourself and enjoying the fashion.  

[SleepyJelly]

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
'Living the life style" can be anything you want it to be. It's like art. There's really no one definition for it. You can't say 'all of art is Vang Gogh or Michaelangelo' because there are so many different styles and artists like there are people. My lolita lifestyle is not the same as the next person.

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
I guess when you really get passionate about and don't care what people think when you wear it. People wear clothes because they want people to see them a certain way. Even people who only wear big t-shirts and jeans every day (like I used to do), they want to convey that they want to be comfortable or they don't care about what they wear, they just want to get through the day.

Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
I feel that if I follow my ideal lolita lifestyle right now, it would cost too much (I want to live in a castle with a huge library and eat sweets all day until my teeth fall out) and then I won't have enough money to buy all the pretty dresses! Maybe if I marry a prince....
But actually, I'm not too sure what my lolita lifestyle is. I'm just living the way I used to except maybe more girly and with better principles. I guess my lolita lifestyle is just bettering myself (and wear super frilly, super pink dresses all the time heart ).

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
Lolita clothing is very expensive. I know people go thrifting but I hear it's very hard to really make anything into lolita clothes (just adding lace isn't gonna cut it). I think that there are many lolitas that cannot afford the clothes but still yearn for them ("lolita in diguise" as the Seamstress says whee ).

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
I was just like 'Ooooh, that's cute' and thought no further of it until I met it again in Shimotsuma Monogatari. I was captivated by the way Momoko lived her life and how she didn't give a s**t (pardon my French) about what people thought about her. And I thought 'Damn, she's cool' and that's when I decided to find out about lolita. The rest is history.


"Gothic and Lolita clothes are a maiden's armor, which even a knight's armor cannot compare to..."
-Arika Takarano



If I ever have to write an essay about lolita, I'm so going to steal these questions. xp  

[rokkenrou]

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
I personally have no clue. If you feel your lifestyle is loli, then it is xD

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
^
Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
NO- Lolita is just a fashion style to me, one that I love to wear, but honestly little to nothing more than that. I don't always adhere to acting "ladylike" when in lolita (can't, I've got too hot a head) nor do I always do my hair/makeup/wear a petti. You're going to find me running around in SexPot or TRIPP waaaay more often lol

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
NO-I feel that you kinda NEED lolita clothes to be a lolita, regardless of gender o.o;
Lolitas are recognized by their clothes, not by how they admire or like the clothes.

ie. I can't just say Im a ganguro. I don't tan myself, bleach my hair or wear ganguro clothing. I am not recognizable as a ganguro, therefore I am not a ganguro. I can't just say I'm a lolita if I don't own a single piece of lolita clothing. I am not recognizable as a lolita, therefore I am not a lolita.

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
"Dress like a princess & live up life forever like a princess" lol.
Though mentioning Mana as a lolita idol seems cliche or sometimes is even frowned upon nowadays,
I still wholly credit him for starting my love of lolita fashion waaay back when I was 11 *is turning 18 this year* I grew up craving everything I saw in GLBs and online. For the longest time I held off buying anything lolita due to my weight & not being able to wear brand, which I grew up idolizing. I eventually caved in and bought me some lusted after brando a few years ago when I dropped some pounds & now that I've lost more weight I've dropped plenty more money for more things I can fit into now xDDD
Honestly, my views haven't changed much since I first fell in love with loli when I was 11:
1. be prepared to spend money
2. dress to impress
3. smile at gawkers
xD  

[kochi~mochi]

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
To me, the Lolita lifestyle is simply putting a elegant touch on everything you do. Modesty is important, there's nothing less elegant then being immodest. Personally, I implement that touch of elegance in little things - saying 'Thank you" instead of "thanks", trying not to interrupt people, and always, always saying "Your Welcome" instead of the 'no problem' that's become so common. Granted, i also drink tea out of my tea cups, but i don't think its absolutely necessary to the lifestyle.

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
Fashion becomes more then the clothing... when you choose to make it that way, or are perceived in a different way by those who know you. If you're dressed emo, and everyone -thinks- you're a little angst ball, it's become something more then clothing, even if you think you're a happy person. Same with lolita. If you dress in lolita and don't behave 'lolita', then its just clothing to you. The issue is that so many people are so deep in their lifestyle, they don't realize that deep down, these cloths really are just that - the clothing. Even though they come with something of a community, you don't have to subscribe to it.

Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
Yes, i do. It makes me happy, makes people around me smile, and the world needs an elegant touch.

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
I think... they can have a lolita lifestyle without having lolita, but personally, i think they need to have, at the very least, a serious want of lolita clothing, a firm understanding of lolita clothing, and at the very least one or two pieces of clothing to be lolita. I believe this because of the simple fact that lolita is expensive. It can be hard to dump money into something until you consider yourself a good part of it, and some people can't afford much at all. As long as there is an attempt to have a lolita-friendly wardrobe and they aren't dressing like a hooker, it's no skin off my nose if they call themselves lolita.

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
At first, i was under the impression that lolita had to take a long time to get into, a lot of money, and a specific body shape. The number of people who obviously spent hours on their hair and make up, making everything just so, wearing nothing but brand... that's what discouraged me. So i left the idea of lolita for another day. Then I saw some home-made lolita, and ran across in the starlight, where they had plus sized lolis in the gallaries, and that really gave me the boost i needed. It wasn't really something i had to accept or reject, more something i needed prooved wrong to me.



Additional point:
I've always wondered how people think they have the right to tell a new Lolita that they're doing it horribly, or act like just because they subscribe to a Lolita lifestyle it means that everyone has to. I fail to see how that fits into lifestyle Lolita's thinking at all - especially since there is no elegance to be seen in telling somebody they suck.  

[SweetLoveDreams]

Oooh, lifestyle Lolita discussions are always interesting.

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
I wouldn't have been able to answer this question if I hadn't read Undefining The Lolita Lifestyle. For me it's definitely just the way YOU feel "Lolita", wether it's drinking tea and being polite or just wearing the clothes, or being sweet and childlike. I've seen people who define "Lolita lifestyle" as a matter of Victorian-like etiquette and others who define it as acting like a sweet living doll.

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
Hmmm...When you decide it's more that clothing. When you try to incorporate it into your daily life even when NOT wearing it, when you define yourself as "Lolita" even when you're in jeans and a T-shirt.

Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
I may not dress Lolita yet, but I DO choose to act in a way that makes ME feel "Lolita". Not because I think it's the only way to be Lolita, but because I discovered it along with Lolita and found in it something that makes me feel better, and like a better person. Being kinder, sweeter and more innocent and listening to different types of music, reading different types of books have made me feel like a more complete person. Of course, this is different for everybody.

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
I can't word it better than this:
For a few girls, who are unable to wear the lolita fashion for whatever reason (...) having some form of Lolita Lifestyle can be their only way of enjoying the culture. They may not wear the clothes but they can still be ‘Lolitas at Heart’ and who is to say that is any less valid?

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
When I found Lolita I didn't know there WAS such a thing as a lifestyle for it. I never really planned on changing the way I was, although now I realize that I was wrong in acting the way I did back then but the point is I never let the "lifetsyle" idea control/change/take away my love for the fashion.  

[xsunriseangelx]

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
I feel that a Lolita lifestyle is determined by the emotions and actions the individual Lolita associates with the clothing. For some this may mean hours spend online drooling over brand or other Lolita clothing. For others this may mean dressing up and going out to a tea party with their friends. And for yet others this could mean meeting up with people who share an interest in the fashion and engaging in an activity they all enjoy.

Personally, my emotions toward Lolita are geared toward being polite but within reason. (I don't feel the need to follow strict rules, seeing as we live in 2009 and usually strict manners limit girls to being quiet and pretty.) Besides that I spend time, mostly online, reading about the fashion. The most important thing is to have fun, be yourself, and not worry about doing what's 'right' or 'proper' seeing as that is all subjective anyhow.

In general, however, I feel a Lolita cannot be a Lolita unless he/she has a good understanding of the fashion, wears clothing tastefully, and has interest in the clothing for its beauty. What I'm trying to say is that if a person wears Lolita styled clothing simply to attract attention, then they cannot call themselves a 'Lolita' even if they own brand or anything like that.

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
The fashion becomes more than just the clothing when it affects your daily thinking. When a person spends hours obsessing over a online community or other such group that is based on the style of clothing, it affects their ability to do other things in life. In Lolita communities there is often drama based on people's personalities. This is also an example seeing as clothing is not affected by how much a person is liked or how well they get along with others.


Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
I do follow my ideal of a Lolita lifestyle to some extent. I do try to be polite, I have fun, I go out with friends, and I spend plenty of time staring at clothing I'm sure I could never afford. I do not, however, own lolita clothing, though I try to incorporate the style into my everyday attire. Because of this, I do not know what emotions I would have while wearing the clothing. I am, however, extremely enthusiastic about the fashion. So in this sense I do live my ideal of a Lolita lifestyle.

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
A girl/boy cannot truely be a Lolita without owning Lolita clothing. This is because part of the fashion is having the guts to actually wear it. Enough said?

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
When I first saw Lolita it was a simple skirt I thought was beautiful. (I found the image somewhere online) After that I did some research, finding there were many styles of the fashion and many communities dedicated to it. I also read someone's interpretation of lolita lifestyle. They practically stated that being as polite and drinking tea was essential.
So my first impression was that lolita was a beautiful style of clothing with strict social rules.
Now i still feel its a beautiful style of clothing, but the rules are definitely questionable.


Okay so my wording wasn't that great, but I hope I got my message across.  

[A Doll Named Mouse]

Wow this is old. But it's really good questions so I want to answer anyway.


What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?

I don't think I live a lolita lifestyle at all.
I try to be understanding and sweet to everyone no matter what because past experiences have taught me that you'll never know why people do what they do to you until it's too late and you've already hurt them so it just pays to be kind.
And I know I have manners because old fashioned southern belle manners were literally beaten into me with a belt (with love, and not abusively)
But that's just me trying to be a good person. I don't know what it means to be a princess. I'm always the same, no matter what I wear. And I have a feeling my dude-like humor would not classify me as "lolita".


At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
When it encompasses hair and makeup, too.


Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
Nope. There are so many "ideals" out there. Some I admire. Others I think are kind of childish and snotty. So I just try to be sweet. I figure, that has to be at least one lolita trait no one can dispute, right?

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
Well, you can certainly be emo while wearing only Abercrombie, so yes. If you call a set of behavioral traits "lolita", then that's what it is, traits inspired by a fashion, and not clothes. I can see how lolita fashion can inspire people to aspire to have certain personalities or behavior, and I don't think you have to wear the clothes to act a certain way.

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?
I thought I would get bashed on for not behaving like the other lolitas, as if it was some exclusive club- if you don't act like us, then we'll rip your dress off like the evil stepsisters.
Then I realized that each one had a completely different BS opinion on how lolita should behave, that I shouldn't concern myself with impressing people who are so cruel to each other anyway, and that I should focus on looking good and not acting bad. So now I just associate with nice, cool lolita who are just themselves and ditched the lifestyle idea entirely, or the ones who interpret "lolita lifestyle" to mean drink tea and be nice to everybody. Nothing wrong with tea and being charming.  

[A Doll Named Mouse]

kochi~mochi

Additional point:
I've always wondered how people think they have the right to tell a new Lolita that they're doing it horribly, or act like just because they subscribe to a Lolita lifestyle it means that everyone has to. I fail to see how that fits into lifestyle Lolita's thinking at all - especially since there is no elegance to be seen in telling somebody they suck.

IAWTC  

[Its Ren-chan]

Oh my goodness! Seeing the answers gets me so excited about lolita!

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
To me, lolita is about living in innocence and elegance. Being child-like in itself is a way of living the lifestyle. Enjoying all your girlish childhood.

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
When you want to make more aspects of your surroundings more "lolita". For me, Since I've become more ready to embrace this fashion, I've had the urges to buy cute tea sets and such...not because I felt like I had to, but because lolita makes me feel like I want to be a little girl again and have fun with cute tea sets~.

Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
Personality-wise, for the most-part I do. And also for the most-part I actually didn't choose to be this way, it's just who I am, really. I've always been a very stereotypical sweet lolita, I think. Although I think I would rather be this way than to try to be just like a normal girl my age...

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
I think the clothing is just another outlet to show your loliness. A very...very expensive outlet...

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?

Actually, when I first heard about people actually dressing in this style out in public everyday, I thought they were just either people who obsessed over some style a japanese band made up or they were people who were obsessed with japan in general. I thought that's why people did it. And I was also told that even though lolitas look like they're sweet and innocent, they're really rather rude and stuck-up. I kind of felt embarrassed for them, too, because even in Japan, I heard, lolitas are made to be a spectacle.  

[The World Within]

What is your personal definition of 'living the lifestyle'?
Living the lifestyle to me, just means you wear the clothes and enjoying the sense of innocence and childishness (ttly not a word) that (to me) naturally come with it.

At what point does the fashion become more than just the clothing?
When lolita is one of your undying passions that no matter what, you can't imaginenot having your poofy skirts, I think that is the first step. If my dresses and such were suddenly gone, I really would be lost.

Do you follow your ideal of a lolita lifestyle? Why did you choose to do so?
I think for the most part, I actually do.
But it wasn't by choice. All of the stereotypical hobbies and loves of a lolita I already took part in/had. I love needlework and crafts, I love reading the classics. I love my porcelain dolls and tea sets to death and things wouldn't be the same without them.
Though at the same time, I don't think I'm very polite sometimes. And I know I swear like a sailor. xD

Can a girl [or guy] be a lolita without owning any lolita clothing? Why do you believe this?
Of course! There are many reason a girl (or boy) doesn't have/can't wear lolita - I'm sure we can all name 60 off the tops of our heads - but that doesn't mean they don't have the will or desire. To me, another part of being lolita is the strong will to own the clothes and wear them proud. A lack of money (like me) or controlling parents or whathaveyou is not their fault. :c

What preconceptions did you have about the style when you first found it, and did you act on them, accept them, or reject them?

At first I thought I would be trashed by other lolitas for not owning any brand. 99% of the lolita I own is from F+F.
But after I thought about it, it's still lolita. Just because I paid a little less for it doesn't make me feel any less like a victorian princess, and I wear those dresses with pride. :3
Also, my swearing would, I thought be a problem. But after reading the blogs of some lolitas and thinking about it myself, to be lolita is not to change who you are, it's to bring out your inner princess. Even if that princess swears a lot. xD

 

[spuntino]

Even though this is a really old thread, bumping it up for people to continue the discussion! After all, a lot of time has passed since this was made, opinions may change in that time. (: