The English Class: A succinct summary...

[Priestess of Neptune]

These are the first two paragraphs to my first essay of the year, which I (unfortunately) had only one night to work on. So, even though it has already been submitted for grading, I would like to have some 'feedback', which would consist of opinions, suggested edits, required edits, and perhaps a small discussion of what I might learn from this essay which I could use to improve my next one.

Prompt:

~"Write an essay about your strengths, weaknesses, and goals for English [this year]."

Requirements:

~No length requirement.

~No format requirement.

~No citation requirement.

Note that my first two paragraphs only encompass my introduction, and my strengths. If there are any requests for the rest of the essay, I will post that.

Post-Script: I have included the rest of my essay, as per penandpaper67's request.  

[Priestess of Neptune]

The English Class:
A succinct summary of modules required for correct function

The English class has become a staple of the American schooling system, yet does not always function as something that is obligatory, but rather as an opportunity for furthering the goals of students. In this niche, it must understand the goals of students as a prerequisite that it might operate optimally within its defined capacity. Prime topics of understanding that must be gleaned from students, wittingly or not, include their strengths, weaknesses, and goals, as pertaining to said class.

Analysis of strengths by the class is a necessary procedure, although much of the time spent doing so would be easily understood as inefficiently used – many of the components which assimilate to create the definition of ‘strengths’ may be amorphous, or may be arcane to one’s self when preeminent skills and abilities are inventoried. Nonetheless, often these characteristics display themselves without conscious effort on the part of the students, or ‘subconsciously’ if Freud is to be believed, so long as a practiced mind is intent upon the purpose of perceiving and translating data provided in this ‘subconscious’ manner, and allowing it to be available for the class’s use. However, an appended list of the labels that represent an amalgamation of several thoughts or ideals would be appropriate, even if hesitatingly given, due to the multi-faceted nature of self-analysis: evasion of direct answer, in relation to a prompt or idea; inclusion of unrelated topics, as a support or reason for relevant issues; capacity for verbosity, but more specifically a preference for an high population of compound-complex sentences; editing, primarily the written thoughts of others; pleasure in reading, with glee in essays that are applicable to life and its methodology; and revelation of humor, more easily accomplished with those of an equally liberal mind.

Comprehension and action upon weaknesses, in additive combination with the aforementioned analysis of strengths, is the premier font of information upon which the English class draws information to calculate its operations. Similarly to strengths, weaknesses are revealed with the inclusion of more sets of data about students, but also with the passage or evidence of time, eg the strength of an argument near the introduction of an essay in comparison to one near the termination. These, and similar comparisons provide nearly objective information upon which to base a theory of compartments where improvement is achievable, but will require attentive scrying, and as a consequence of dedicated thought, an amount of ‘mental energy’, a qualitative ideal that may be in high demand in the would-be capitalist America, and as such is a commodity, yet may be circumambulated with a list generated by one who has yet a surplus of this energy, in lieu of a practiced individual, whose resources could be understood as endangered due to the high demand of the properly-functioning class: avoiding politic answers, to a higher degree on paper; remaining on a sole topic, especially when said topic is dry; terminating ideas, particularly with brevity; self-editing, more so on paper than in speech; bowdlerization, both in and choosing the works of others, and in that of the self; and moderation of loose interpretation, nearly always in relation to a written assignment.

Within the confines of the English class, there exists an opportunity to act with one’s own ‘free will’, that individual and personal goals may be accomplished, which often increases morale, and thusly allows continued, unburred, standard operation and execution of primary objectives within a class. While not all students participating in a particular class have a clear modus operandi, a common set of goals may be polled: desire to exceed a ‘failing’ mark, and although degree of excess is variable, an ‘A’ rank is commonly sought; and minimal disciplining, whether verbal, implied, or otherwise. Particular goals are pied throughout a singular class, but must be realistically applicable to the overriding notion and will of a set curricula: improvement of basic skills, followed or amalgamated with a complimentary increase in specialized skills; generation of written work, notably of a type more often creative than regimented; ability to work individually, with the exception of editing done by a singular other; and freedom of press, specifically in choosing which others may access a particular work, and in artistic, in the denotation of the word, interpretation, both of the work or others and of the self, and expression.  

[penandpaper67]

You are certainly "verbose," as you said before. I think that would relate to my major critique: you often use a complicated word or phrasing where a simpler one would do. You also tend to do this multiple times in one sentence, which makes your writing very difficult to read through. I appreciate your fondness for complex vocabulary and wordiness (trust me, I do this all the time as well), but in your case you tend to over-use it a bit. I also find the first part of the second paragraph a little long. You are supposed to give an overview of your strengths, not explain why it is important to examine one's strengths. I am guessing you are also not permitted to use the first person, but the way in which you started listing your strengths did not fit in. I found it odd that you went from discussing a general idea to your specific strengths with no transition at all. I don't know what sort of English class exactly you were writing this for, so some of my comments may not fit, but I hope you find them helpful. I would like to see the rest of this, if you wish to post it.  

[Priestess of Neptune]

Apologies for my verbosity; I cannot resist including a quote about verbosity (among other things) here, by Benjamin Disraeli:

"Which do you believe most likely to enter an insane convention, a body of English gentlemen honoured by the favour of their Sovereign and the confidence of their fellow-subjects, managing your affairs for five years, I hope with prudence, and not altogether without success, or a sophistical rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity, and gifted with an egotistical imagination that can at all times command an interminable and inconsistent series of arguments to malign an opponent and to glorify himself? "

The first part of the second paragraph does tend to ramble a little. When I wrote this, I also questioned whether or not I should include why it is necessary to include why strengths must be examined, although I concluded that I could not have a complete argument, if I only include the end, and not the means- many are divided on this subject though, so I understand your differing viewpoint.

We were allowed to use the first person, although I decided to challenge myself and not use it. Yes, I could not find a satisfactory transition for my list, so I 'just went for it'. I suppose a brief discussion of the value of the individual among a collection might make a good transition; I'll try that- thank you.

This was written for Honors/AP English 12, so just a generic class, not a creative writing course. As a note, the teacher is fond of humor, so I attempted to include some subtle humor throughout the essay (which is more evident beyond the first two paragraphs).

I shall post the rest- thank you for your interest =).