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 Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:28 pm
I used to be a devout Southern Baptist. I mean, to the point of it was a cult for me. I used to lay awake at night, trying to think of the sins I had committed during the day so that I could ask God to forgive me for them.
After I lost my faith, I didn't have any way to assuage the feelings of guilt that would build up inside me over time. I just felt weighed down with guilt all the time.
I'm getting a little better at forgiving myself when I make mistakes... but it's still really hard sometimes.
Have you guys ever had problems with this? Any tips?
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 6:06 pm
Guilt is a poison of religion; it keeps you coming back until you get rid of it. Don't feel bad about the past, it's the present and future you do and will have control over.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:25 pm
I wouldn't worry about it too much it seems to go away over time.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:11 pm
Apologize or make it up to the people you've harmed with your actions. Instead of wasting that repentance on some invisible guy who doesn't care, you could make someone's day just by being nice. Be a force of good in the world to counteract whatever you may have done.
If you haven't harmed anyone or anything, then you don't have anything to be guilty about.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:59 pm
Lethkhar Apologize or make it up to the people you've harmed with your actions. Instead of wasting that repentance on some invisible guy who doesn't care, you could make someone's day just by being nice. Be a force of good in the world to counteract whatever you may have done. If you haven't harmed anyone or anything, then you don't have anything to be guilty about. thats what i usually do also, if you look through the reasons you did the thing you did and tell yourself that any normal person would have done the same thing it helps too
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:36 pm
I used to feel exactly the same when I was a devoted believer. And I feel very similar even now. The problem is the simple fact that all people have conscience, no matter what they believe in. Only difference is when you are a believer you tend to think "God is most important in my life, I betrayed God, I'm so sorry God, etc.", but you can easily put "mom" "dad", your beloved one's name or anything in there as well. Also religions often forbid certain things (for example masturbation) and if you do it you know you're not harming anyone and it's not so damn bad but you still have remorse, you feel sorry etc. This is actually quite egoistic to feel sorry for something I don't truly think is bad, because I'm trying to be a better person in front of me and myself only.
The only tip is something that worked to myself: don't think about it. Because there is no objective way to justify anything. But as long as you feel like there's still a way to change what you did: don't think twice, do it. If not for someone then at least for yourself (even if that sounds egoistic). The world of a happy one is happy itself.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:44 am
 I still struggle with guilt over leaving Christianity. A very small part of me still wants to believe in God; I'm not sure if this is because I truly feel convicted, or if it's because of fear. I suspect it is the latter. But due to that small part of myself, I often feel guilty and afraid for "turning my back on God." When I am in the company of people I used to go to church with regularly, sometimes this feeling intensifies, because for so many years, belief was what I felt was "comfortable." I am afraid of spending too much time around them because I'm afraid of slipping back into a false belief just because it feels "comfortable." I haven't found much relief from anything aside from using logic, and reading books or articles that address the existence of God from a logical standpoint. Also, I keep this quote in mind: "Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." This quote is attributed to Jefferson, but I'm not sure if he was really the one who said it; regardless, it is still a good notion to live and think by.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 6:19 am
Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. heart I'm not bothered by it nearly as often as I used to be; I really do my best to be a good person. It's more just that, every once in a while, I have a spectacular failure on my part, and even though I've done everything I can to make it up to that person, and apologized profusely, I still feel guilty about it. I think the problem is in forgiving myself even after the other person has forgiven me. I mean, even as a Christian, I did my best to make up for whatever it was I had done wrong, but the final step in that process, I guess, was asking God to forgive me for it. It's that final step that I can't do anymore to make myself feel better that's causing problems.
Does that make sense?
The other day my husband (Tom) who was helping me with this goes, "Okay then, by the power of Tom, you are forgiven." rofl It did kind of make me feel better. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:34 am
I think the most important thing is to realise that you haven't done anything wrong.
Unless you've raped a kitten or some s**t, in which case I want to skin you alive... stare
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:43 am
alteregoivy Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. heart I'm not bothered by it nearly as often as I used to be; I really do my best to be a good person. It's more just that, every once in a while, I have a spectacular failure on my part, and even though I've done everything I can to make it up to that person, and apologized profusely, I still feel guilty about it. I think the problem is in forgiving myself even after the other person has forgiven me. I mean, even as a Christian, I did my best to make up for whatever it was I had done wrong, but the final step in that process, I guess, was asking God to forgive me for it. It's that final step that I can't do anymore to make myself feel better that's causing problems. Does that make sense? The other day my husband (Tom) who was helping me with this goes, "Okay then, by the power of Tom, you are forgiven." rofl It did kind of make me feel better. sweatdrop
I find that talking it out with someone neutral helps.
Especially someone patient who will call you on your bullshit. XD
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 4:11 pm
brainnsoup alteregoivy Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. heart I'm not bothered by it nearly as often as I used to be; I really do my best to be a good person. It's more just that, every once in a while, I have a spectacular failure on my part, and even though I've done everything I can to make it up to that person, and apologized profusely, I still feel guilty about it. I think the problem is in forgiving myself even after the other person has forgiven me. I mean, even as a Christian, I did my best to make up for whatever it was I had done wrong, but the final step in that process, I guess, was asking God to forgive me for it. It's that final step that I can't do anymore to make myself feel better that's causing problems. Does that make sense? The other day my husband (Tom) who was helping me with this goes, "Okay then, by the power of Tom, you are forgiven." rofl It did kind of make me feel better. sweatdrop
I find that talking it out with someone neutral helps.
Especially someone patient who will call you on your bullshit. XDHaha, these days it tends to be when I make mistakes at work. I got a talking-to the other day by the manager at the store I deliver out of. I'd forgotten some of the stuff I was supposed to deliver. The thing he said that really hurt, though, is "You're better than that." Like... That was so much more shaming than anything else he could have said. Or, like, a while back someone had left some of the equipment in a mess, and I was convinced it was this new girl that I really disliked. So I told people about it... and then it turned out not be her that did it. It's weird, too, because I almost NEVER pull that kind of s**t. I don't know what happened to her, either... NO ONE else liked her because she didn't care about the job at all, and I think she got fired. I just hope it wasn't at all based on what I said. gonk Most things I do like goofing off when I should be studying or something, I can kinda cut myself some slack for. But stuff like this tends to bother me for days or weeks.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 6:00 am
alteregoivy brainnsoup alteregoivy Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. heart I'm not bothered by it nearly as often as I used to be; I really do my best to be a good person. It's more just that, every once in a while, I have a spectacular failure on my part, and even though I've done everything I can to make it up to that person, and apologized profusely, I still feel guilty about it. I think the problem is in forgiving myself even after the other person has forgiven me. I mean, even as a Christian, I did my best to make up for whatever it was I had done wrong, but the final step in that process, I guess, was asking God to forgive me for it. It's that final step that I can't do anymore to make myself feel better that's causing problems. Does that make sense? The other day my husband (Tom) who was helping me with this goes, "Okay then, by the power of Tom, you are forgiven." rofl It did kind of make me feel better. sweatdrop
I find that talking it out with someone neutral helps.
Especially someone patient who will call you on your bullshit. XDHaha, these days it tends to be when I make mistakes at work. I got a talking-to the other day by the manager at the store I deliver out of. I'd forgotten some of the stuff I was supposed to deliver. The thing he said that really hurt, though, is "You're better than that." Like... That was so much more shaming than anything else he could have said. Or, like, a while back someone had left some of the equipment in a mess, and I was convinced it was this new girl that I really disliked. So I told people about it... and then it turned out not be her that did it. It's weird, too, because I almost NEVER pull that kind of s**t. I don't know what happened to her, either... NO ONE else liked her because she didn't care about the job at all, and I think she got fired. I just hope it wasn't at all based on what I said. gonk Most things I do like goofing off when I should be studying or something, I can kinda cut myself some slack for. But stuff like this tends to bother me for days or weeks. I think it makes sense if you want to forgive yourself. I even think it's a true morality: to see the only judge within myslef. I don't know how to put that in words, but I guess if someone relies only on other people's or god's or whatever's judgement it is not worth that much as trying to be your own judge. Only I know myself the best, I need to have my values and I can't depend on someone else to tell me what is right and wrong. Even when it comes to such small everyday things. Those are what our life is made of. People always did mistakes and always will, and every moment we feel guilt is a lesson of life. And I believe if you do feel guilt it means you're a good a person, if you'd just say "eh, whatever, she could get fired anyway, I've got other stuff to care about" it would be something else, right?
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:58 pm
alteregoivy brainnsoup alteregoivy Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice. heart I'm not bothered by it nearly as often as I used to be; I really do my best to be a good person. It's more just that, every once in a while, I have a spectacular failure on my part, and even though I've done everything I can to make it up to that person, and apologized profusely, I still feel guilty about it. I think the problem is in forgiving myself even after the other person has forgiven me. I mean, even as a Christian, I did my best to make up for whatever it was I had done wrong, but the final step in that process, I guess, was asking God to forgive me for it. It's that final step that I can't do anymore to make myself feel better that's causing problems. Does that make sense? The other day my husband (Tom) who was helping me with this goes, "Okay then, by the power of Tom, you are forgiven." rofl It did kind of make me feel better. sweatdrop
I find that talking it out with someone neutral helps.
Especially someone patient who will call you on your bullshit. XDHaha, these days it tends to be when I make mistakes at work. I got a talking-to the other day by the manager at the store I deliver out of. I'd forgotten some of the stuff I was supposed to deliver. The thing he said that really hurt, though, is "You're better than that." Like... That was so much more shaming than anything else he could have said. Or, like, a while back someone had left some of the equipment in a mess, and I was convinced it was this new girl that I really disliked. So I told people about it... and then it turned out not be her that did it. It's weird, too, because I almost NEVER pull that kind of s**t. I don't know what happened to her, either... NO ONE else liked her because she didn't care about the job at all, and I think she got fired. I just hope it wasn't at all based on what I said. gonk Most things I do like goofing off when I should be studying or something, I can kinda cut myself some slack for. But stuff like this tends to bother me for days or weeks.
The fact that you sincerely care shows that you didn't do it out of carelessness or spite.
All you can do is focus on the tasks at hand and make up for it later.
Maybe I'm not the best person to be giving advice on the issue because I'm also way too hard on myself when I feel guilty about something.
But maybe you could also try looking into Buddhism?
I don't mean become a Buddhist and follow all of its teachings.
But to maybe follow some teachings on living in the present rather than stressing about the past or future.
It could help.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:03 pm
Things happen, and whether you like it or not it's in
the past so you can't change it. You can either learn to live with it or learn from it.
That's the least cynical, harsh advice I can give you. confused
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