[Raikiri] No. 720 Alexandros' Room

[dj_takuya]

Alexandros' room was tailor-made for him, mirroring the down-home beauty of his vineyard home back in Greece. The holographic ceiling mimics the time of day, with stars rolling across the 'sky' after sunset and during the day, the sun and clouds drift overhead. The floor is a simple tan but composed of plush material to cushion the feet. The main room is done in more simple, comfortable tones and textures. The bedding is done in tans and greens, with tendrils of green overlapping a tan background. In the bathroom, there's a spacious shower and the sink is large without being ornate. In the corner nearest the door, there sits a large, hardwood desk with a laptop computer at it, with a comfortable office chair waiting to bear up its owner in comfort.  

[dj_takuya]

Alex finally returned to his dorm room, as dawn lingered on the horizon. He skulked up to his door and retrieved his keycard from his robe pocket, swiping it heavily as he pushed the door handle lever down and the door swung into the air-conditioned room.

His face felt hot as the cool air washed over him. He knew he was probably beet red, but it wasn't as if things could be any worse. He cast a forlorn look over to the right of his door and noted the lack of his staff. Evidently, the school hadn't located it yet.

He knew that shouldn't bother him as much as it did, but after the falling out he'd had with Kira, anything and everything was bound to lower his mood. Alex crossed the small space to the elegant full-sized bed and flopped down on it. He still couldn't cry, but his face was red anyway, as he dwelled on what he had done, repeating the scene in his head over and over.

He knew precisely where he had gone wrong. He had gotten angry at Kira for something she couldn't control. She could no more come out of her shell than Alex could come into it. In a heated moment, when his emotions were broiling, insecurity, fear and low self-esteem had taken the best of him and now he was paying the price for a moment of weakness.

Anguish crept over him, a silent, persistent nagging sensation that made him restless and unable to sit still. He shook his legs in frustration, as if shaking off a bug and let out a loud sound of annoyance. It was the first sound he'd heard himself make since speaking to Kira. To him, it sounded very childish and petty.

He swept his legs over the side of the bed and rose once more. He stalked back and forth as he worried over what Kira might do now. Would she give him another chance or would she close up to him forever? He had no idea, given that he'd not yet seen for himself how Kira dealt with these things, but he knew how he would deal with it. He would be equally angry with someone who became angry at him for seemingly no reason.

If someone, even Kira had done to him what he had done to her, Alex wouldn't forgive easily. That made him lose a little hope for himself, he knew he deserved nothing more than to be shut out but he couldn't help but hope Kira could and would forgive him.

Anger overtook him, anger with himself, and he turned to the nearest wall and threw his balled fist into it with as much force as he could. His punch didn't break through whatever Ria High's architects had made the dorm walls from, but pain flashed up his arm through his hand and it stole his attention for a few brief seconds.

He let out another loud sound, this one a near-scream of pain. He clenched his teeth over it in an attempt to stifle it. He cradled his wounded hand in his other one and was tempted to begin cursing in the Old Language. Instead he opted for a string of spirited gibberish. "Hrpmheta betty tied a momma!" he exclaimed.

The sharp pain began to fade from his arm, replaced with a sullen throbbing of dull pain in his hand and wrist. He shook his injured hand and cast his downtrodden look around the room, as if to assure himself there was no one else around to witness his acts of stupidity.

He heaved a heavy sigh, thoroughly exhausted and sat down on the bed and hung his head down between his knees. "What am I going to do?" he asked himself. He laid back and stared at the ceiling. Sleep took him some time later.

***

Several hours later, the simulated sun on the ceiling hit an angle and shone a ray upon Alex's face, which awoke him instantly. He jerked awake and realized it was well past the time he should have met Kira. He shrugged off that realization, rationalizing that she wouldn't want to see him right now, anyway. He flopped back onto his side and went back to sleep, knowing full well he was blowing off Kira, but just too tired and depressed to want to care.  

[dj_takuya]

Alexandros couldn't sleep. He tossed fitfully as he clenched his eyes closed and willed himself to go back to sleep. Eventually, he gave up and let his eyes drift open. The sun on his ceiling was at high noon and the clock beside Alex's bed agreed. He sighed heavily and threw the covers off of himself.

He stumbled into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He ran a hand through his jet-colored locks of long hair and frowned. He glared at himself as he examined his long, beautiful hair and his reflection. Hatred for himself overtook him and he was half-tempted to shear off all of his hair right at that moment.

The more he thought about it, the more appealing it seemed. He loved his hair and for hurting Kira, he should have to give up something he loved. But he knew he wasn't brave enough to sacrifice anything of his own, so he knew it was only a thin facade of a way to make himself feel better. He could keep his hair the way it was, and that only made him feel worse.

The anger left him, as quickly as it had come and once again he was only left with despair and agony. He was miserable, and would be until he had a chance to apologize to Kira. Who knew, maybe she would forgive him and they could have another go at being friends.

He wanted to feel mad at the very word, but he somehow couldn't. Instead, it was a comforting pillow to ease his tension. Friendship. Suddenly, he didn't care that Kira wasn't emotionally available for a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Alexandros didn't care because it didn't matter anymore. He obviously didn't care for her the way he thought he did. Suddenly, that thought was followed by a realization. Perhaps it was only co-dependence.

For some very odd, unexplainable reason. That made him feel just a tiny bit better. He lay down upon the bed and had no trouble falling asleep in moments.  

[dj_takuya]

Alex woke sweating. His dreams had not been pleasant. Someone looking like Kira had come to kill him and he had watched his own heart be pulled from his open chest. He looked around his room and down at his chest and realized with great relief that it hadn't been real. Just a product of his subconscious. He threw the covers off himself again and got up out of bed. He strode into his bathroom and splashed cold water on his face.

Wiping his face with a clean white towel, he found it hard to recapture what he had found in those fleeting moments before going back to sleep. He couldn't absolve himself of this any longer. He had to go out and find some way to make this right. He pulled off his damp t-shirt and went to turn on the water in the shower. He needed mind-clearing cold right now. It wouldn't be pleasant, but he could count it as part of his penance. He stripped, including his bandaged foot, and ducked his head under the running water in the shower.

Being cold in thought and cold in reality are drastically different. Once in the shower, it was difficult to cling tight to his conviction that he deserved this. But he went about soaping up his body and hair again as he usually did and the routine gave room for thought. The best way to approach this would be to simply find Kira, explain himself, apologize, and ask her to forgive him. Enthused by a game plan, even if just a tiny bit, he quickly finished rinsing off and practically jumped out of the shower.

He dried quickly and clean clothes were almost a heaven in themselves, the light cotton of a new tee and the heavy denim of a pair of workjeans gave back body heat as he put on them. Hastily rewrapping his foot and donning his sandals once more, he slipped out the door of his dorm and out onto the campus to find Kira if he could.