the offical happy thread.

[shandrel]

We all have days where we are down, scared, sad and need something, to make us smile.
Having one of these days myself, I think, sharing links, pictures, sentiments, quotes, and anything else, Just stuff to cheer others up. I will be adding a lot here.


So, first thing

Hey, I love you



I got a feeling




heart heart heart heart heart heart heart  

[Iron Gamer]

awww.... too cute! whee  

[Chieftain Twilight]

awwwwwwww!!!! ^.^ blaugh that's the cuteeeeest! heart whee  

[shandrel]

Need a big helpign of Happy today

Chumbawamba tubthumping




( no goats were harmed in this gif)



Stamp on the ground







Pink_ So what  

[Catharia]

So very precious...I love the fainting goats one, gotta love inconvenient loss of muscle tone (I think it's called cataplexy) xd  

[Cronos the Timekeeper]

Here's one of my favorites, it just makes me laugh every time I see it.

Taunting Tackle  

[shandrel]

smile awesome!  

[Cronos the Timekeeper]

Here's a little story that always lifts my spirits and makes me laugh my a** off:

Texas Chili

If you can read the whole story without tears of laugher running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you. I didn't make it without the tears.

NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better.

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s**t-faced from all of the beer.


Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. b***h is starting to look HOT -- just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?


Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I s**t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a** with a snow cone.


Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like s**t to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Chili #8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.  

[Falsequivalence]

I'm from Texas, and I actually have this friend that had some chili I made.
He ate a little bit, and started screaming, HOT! HOT!
I told him,
"Hot? This is about as mild as it gets. I should make you have some hot chili..."
He screamed,
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!"
He was from New York.
I laughed my a** off when he screamed no.  

[Vengeful Elegance]

So there is this Captain and his ship is being attacked by a rival ship.
He shouts to his first mate "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly brings the captain his red shirt.

The battle goes very well. They didn't loose any men and they even managed to raid the rival ship and steal some treasure. The first mate asks the captain, "Why did you ask for a red shirt?"
"Because I didn't want the crew to notice if I was wounded. I wanted them to fight on without being worried about me."

Suddenly the man in the crow's nest shouts, "Captain there are 20 rival ships approaching!"

The captain looks at his first mate and says, "Bring me my brown pants."  

[Vengeful Elegance]

 

[shandrel]

*laughs* My mom makes texan chili... hot stuff too >.> put a cali chili judge in the hospital >.<  

[Chieftain Twilight]

xd

i love my Mexican Chille. i have had my experiences with direct use of hot peppers. note to everyone, don't eat Jabanero or Scotch Bonnets straight up.