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Reply Writing: Prose
Lucky Man (Micro Story)

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Kelethor

PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 5:41 pm
Lucky man


Sonofabitch! Aside from the fear, disbelief, and the amount of adrenaline pumping through his veins, Ethan was surprised at his shear endurance. Being a manager at Target doesn't provide the most exercise, no matter how large the store. Fear it could do amazing things to the body. Ethan didn't believe there was any other time he could so gracefully navigate a forest at full speed, nothing was slowing him down.

The problem however, was that It wasn't slowing down either.

He couldn't see it of course, but he could feel the presence. It was like a planet moving behind him, pulling him towards it with it's own gravity. Ethan felt heavy, but not weary, not yet. If he became weary, he was dead. Simple as that, he had heard the stories, it was the whole reason he was here. To prove them wrong. The joke was on him now.

You had to be a ******** macho man, didn't you?

It was all ridiculous, surreal. He didn't even know what the thing looked like, hadn't even seen it. However, it didn't matter, it was real enough to cause the sick carnage of the wive's tales. That more than anything propelled him forward. He wouldn't only die, it would be slow, and Ethan didn't have any reason to discard the tales now. Just get away, survive. How large could these woods be anyway?

Another couple of minutes passed. Silent except for his increasingly labored breathing, and the sound of the forest floor crunching beneath him. He wasn't even sure he heard that. Not that the noise mattered, much like the sight, he knew something was there. What exactly that something was however, was a mystery to him, not that he pondered it too deeply. He was, after all, literally running for his life.

It was so ******** quiet.

Exhaustion was finally beginning to slow him down. He had been running uphill for how long now? Ten minutes? Five? Not even fear could propel him forever, and the thing was getting closer. Was it toying with him? Just wearing him out for it's amusement? For.. fun?

Just shut up and run!

Ethan believed it was the best piece of advice he'd ever offered himself. With renewed determination he began pushing his legs harder. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off, pain shot through his legs with every step, growing worse every moment. However, he couldn't stop. The pain of exhaustion was bliss compared to what he knew he would be feeling if caught. It surprised him how easily he believed the tales he dismissed as rubbish not an hour ago. Marching off into the woods to prove everyone wrong. For a hundred ******** dollars. Idiot.

The scenery around him began to change, and it wasn't until Ethan began to slow from exhaustion that he realized what it was. More light, the forest was beginning to thin, he was getting closer the the edge of the forest. Try as he might though, he just couldn't push his legs any harder. Ethan was still slowing down, and the thing behind him was getting closer, he could feel it. Yet he couldn't give up so close to Salvation!

Ethan almost fell to his knees with relief when he finally left the forest. Yet he could still feel It advancing. So he dragged himself away further, looking towards a sight that made his face fall. While the forest had receded the grass before him only stretched a few dozen feet, before just.. ending. He was at the edge of a cliff. There was nowhere else left to go.

Still he pulled himself forward, desperately, feeling the thing behind him draw ever closer. Maybe it will stop at the edge of the forest. It was his last hope either way. Weak with fatigue, both mental and physical, Ethan's legs gave out, forcing him to crawl the rest of the way. Finally, when he reached the edge, he looked down, and his last hopes were dashed. The cliff's edge bulged outwards, he wouldn't even be able to climb down.

Close to sobbing in hysteria, Ethan turned around, finally seeing It. The thing was like some invisible wall, one that couldn't be perceived by the human eye. However he could feel it. The shapes, for it was masses of things all moving as one. Trapped by some barrier. It seemed to draw Ethan towards it, while moving slowly towards him. The blades of grass bending and twisting beneath it, finally turning black once it had passed.

I'm staring into the gates of hell. Inviting me inside.

It was with this though that Ethan turned to the cliff, desperate. Wanting only to get away from It when it dawned upon Ethan what he needed to do. With one last look at the approaching thing, Ethan fell, right off of the edge of the cliff. As soon as his feet left the ground, the feeling was gone, the tug at him towards his living nightmare.

“Thank you.”

Those were the last words Ethan spoke before he hit the ground. For he was luckier than most who ventured into the forest. Most met horrible deaths at the hands of the “thing” dwelling there. The gates of hell, the shadowy colossus, the thousand serpents or rats or wasps. Most people were consumed by their fears.

Ethan was lucky enough to find the cliff.  
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 9:31 pm
Still he pulled himself forward, desperately, felling the thing behind him draw ever closer.
I think you meant feeling.

I think your story was interesting, although in my opinion you could have done without one or two of the f words. And sorry but I'm a little confused; did the guy die at the end? I mean I know he jumped off the cliff but you said he was lucky...? Did you mean he was lucky that he didn't die by the monster?  

5 to midnight
Crew


Kelethor

PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:49 am
Gah, thanks for reminding me that I forgot to fix that mistake.

I think if it was real life, the one or two F words would apply, the intent wasn't at all offensive.


As for the ending.. I wanted the reader to make their own interpretations. I do plan to type up a "true" conclusion sometime this week though.

Oh, and thanks for commenting.  
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:43 pm
"It was with this though that Ethan turned to the cliff, desperate."
I think you meant with this thought

I don't think your first beepd out cuss word was entirely necessary, but I can see why you used it the second two times.
dang it and I saw something else, but I don't remember where it was >.<

Interesting story. The repetition was good and brought a lot of sensory detail to the story. And I liked the ending.  

Kasi Karra
Crew


5 to midnight
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:04 pm
Kelethor
Gah, thanks for reminding me that I forgot to fix that mistake.

I think if it was real life, the one or two F words would apply, the intent wasn't at all offensive.


As for the ending.. I wanted the reader to make their own interpretations. I do plan to type up a "true" conclusion sometime this week though.

Oh, and thanks for commenting.

haha I wasn't offended. don't worry I just kinda thought it might sound a little nicer without them, but yeah under the circumstances I think I would be dropping the f word too. 3nodding  
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Writing: Prose

 
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