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 Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:25 pm
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Blog
^ if that link doesn't work then please read this:
(it's long though)
[WARNING! THERE MAY BE GRAMMAR ERRORS!]
I would like to announce that as a person who have lived (and is still alive) actually had a past and learned about many different things. Of course, some of the information that I heard had went in the ear and went out the other ear. I'm not going to state or include anything from past that is not necessary or not relevant to the main topic of my religious path (or lack of religious path).
My parents were both baptized christians who did not taught me much about the religion when I was young. However my mom did told me that there was a god and Jesus Christ was an important figure. Looking back at it now, I'm glad that I was not brainwashed by ridiculous dogmas. However, there are times when I had prayed along with other people in these mini-Christian services out in the park. I did learn on my own about certain stories such as Adam and Eve, Moses, Noah, and Jonah. My grandparents on both side were Christians too, but they didn't influence me all that much. The religion of most of my aunts and uncles are unknown. Religion was never big in their lives nor was it in mine.
In middle school, hormones were racing and I come to figure out my true sexual orientation. [Doesn't matter, but I'm bi]. I met this religious Christian friend who told me that being homosexual/bisexual was a sin and that I would go to hell. I was scared and asked God for forgiveness. One time, my friend's friend IM'ed me on AIM and pretended to be Jigsaw which frightened me about being Jigsaw and something about Bloody Mary. I was too naive and scared that I coulnd't go to sleep. My mother had this picture of Jesus Christ and the 12 Apostles having supper which she gave to me. [I think the title was called "The Last Supper." (Correct me if I'm wrong)] I felt secured that this man-made concept was watching over me. Insecurity can make a man feel better with faith. I also been to church a couple of times for these Christmas shows.
In high school, I moved from the North to the Bible Belt of the South. Religion still wasn't that important for me, but it was for many students and classmates. After my freshman year ended, I went back to my hometown. My religious friend that told me that I was going to go to hell, she became an atheist. (I think.) However, she asked me to come up with her to a Youth Group Meeting. We played soccer at the park. One of her friends (who I forgot the name) was willing to talk to me when I asked. She was a nice person and I remember her taking me to church to sing with I confessed to her that when I think about what started the world that all I could see was nothing but a white screen. I told her that some things just didnt' make sense. I forgot what she said, but she didn't say anything mean. She was a nice person.
I came back from my hometown back to the dreaded Bible Belt. I begin to learn that there were many different types of religion such as buddhism, scientology, judaism, and islam. I was living a pretty decent life, until my father suggested that we went to church at the end of my sophomore year. I wasn't sure how to feel. So I went along with it. Plus, if I didn't then I be in trouble. The pastor gave me a bible and I somewhat enjoyed reading the bible. I also got baptised and I actually enjoyed attending sunday school.
But then something good happened, I began questioning certain things that I was unsure of and I realized that I didn't actually believe in any of the things that they told me about. I only believed in it, because my parents and the other Christians believed in it. It was like a neurological disorder that I was glad that I no longer have. My questions included: "Is there really one god? Could there be more than one god? Did a man really die for my sins. Was he really divine? Is evolution legit or Creationism was the better theory?" (and many more ...)
I became a skeptic, but somewhat afraid to admit it. I'm still a nice person, but I have to act like I'm a christian at church. I enjoy Fridays and Saturdays; Sundays not so much. The things that they teach are not questioned by the others, they merely just take it in because it's God's words/came from the bible. This irritated me that people had "blind faith."
In my senior year, my friend let me borrow a movie called Religulous starring Bill Maher. It was a satirical documentary on organized religion. I do think that maybe Bill should have questioned other beliefs, but the Abrahamic Religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) were the main ones. Bill Maher had very good points and he really opened my eyes. This quote made me scream "YES!": "I preached the gospel of I don't know!" I honestly will admit that although I do have a lack of belief in God that I really don't know, but there could be one. And if there is one, then I don't think we should worship him and he didn't make rules for us. [I'm an agnostic atheist with a little bit of a deist mindset]
There were people in the movie that irritated me. One lady said," I don't hate them [homosexual]. God hates them." and she carried a sign that said "God hates Fags!" Another man who was an "ex-homosexual" said that there weren't really gay people and that they were insecure and incomplete. Now that definitely blew my lid off. There were other people.
There were things that the religious people had their own points too. That sometimes it was good to have faith. The God's Trinity [Father, Son and the Holy Ghost] was like water, ice and steam.
Overall, the movie was great and I recommend people to watch it. Bill Maher is a comedian, but he is a smart man. He makes you laugh, but also makes you think. It was so good, that I bought my own copy of it.
About church and all, I make the best of it by not making it a burden but making it a time where I can learn more about Christianity. The only thing that's good about Christianity is that it keeps people feel safe and teaches morals. I for one, did not have my morals from Christianity. [My parents are Christians, but they didnt' read the bible.] I got my morals by reason not from a man-made book.
My Ap Literature teacher taught me about this philosophy called Existentialism. It puts a great emphasis on the individual. I'm all about individualism. Existence precedes essence. Through a person's consciousness, that person creates his own values and determines a meaning to his life. The individual knows that even if he dies, the world will still move on. The individual's biggest enemy is society and authority. The individual will choose to believe what he wants to believe and that he actually thought about them. I also classify myself as an existentialist. There's more to it, so maybe in a future blog I will post about it.
I began to explore and learn about religions. In my World History class (back in sophomore year) I learned about different types of religions. I have a book of shadows (but I'm not wiccan) and I'm using it as a tool to learn about Wicca and other Pagan countries. I'm more about learning and getting rid of misconceptions. Wiccans don't believe in the concept of evil of Satan and nor do they worship him. I don't know how many but Satanist don't really worship Satan. They do however emphasize alot about individualism. Haha so maybe I have a little bit of a satanist in me, but not really because it's more of a hedonist religion. I'm the goody-goody two shoes type of person. I will continue to focus on my religion and will try to sway out of debates until I had researched thorougly. I however got into a couple debates because my opposition got all defensive on their religion. I didn't even want to debate.
I personally don't like organized religion, but I do know that it's good for people who want to be a part of one. I also know that they aren't for me. I chose my path and I'm walking on it. My job is to ask questions and promote doubt.
I took a survey on beliefnet and got that I was 100% Secular Humanist. I looked up on it. I was all about teaching ethics without a religious/spiritual back up. I also classify myself as a secular humanist. But obviously overall, I'm nonreligious.
I do disagree with certain beliefs such as heaven and hell or reincarnation, but I do say that it is possible. I do admit that I don't know. I dont' think anyone really knows what happens in the afterlife or know if there is a deity for real. I mean come on. Do you have superpowers that I don't? [thinking about whether or not if I missed anything] Oh, yeah. Remember to believe in what you want to believe and not because soemone told you to believe in it. Actually take the time to think about it. [Think about it, Think about it, Think about it.] Oh and remember this, just because you believe in a god, doesn't mean you are a Christian. Take the time to research, but if you dont' want to then that's okay. No one is forcing you too. If you go this far, then I thank you for taking the time to read this.
If you have any further questions, please message me or leave a comment. Thank you.
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Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:46 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 4:31 pm
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