Laugh a little (jokes)

[Jester the Nightmare]

Anybody got some good religious jokes out there? Little something to lighten up things bit? I made one though I'd made up though i don't know how funny it is. "I walked up to a jewish man and asked him "Why is it Jewish people are called cheap?" he responded "Look at our biggest holiday Hanukkah, is about celbrating us reusing the same freaking oil for seven days and nights."  

[Captain_Shinzo]

A Nun, a priest, and a Muslim are on the same plane.

Suddenly, the plane begins to crash.

The nun says " Save the children!!! "
The Muslim says " ******** the children!!! "
and the priest says

" ............Do we have time? "  

[Jester the Nightmare]

Oh lol  

[MemoriesThatKill]

Two Irish Nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat. One nun says to the other "I heard that the occupants of this country eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America we might as well do as Americans do."

So both Nuns walk towards a hot dog vendor. "Two Dogs, please," says the first Nun. The vendor is only too happy to oblige, and wraps 2 hot dogs in foil.

Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs". The first Nun opens hers and stares at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun cautiously asks, "What part of the dog did you get?"

 

[MemoriesThatKill]

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it?

The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...."

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

 

[B1g_crunch]

In the Vatician the Pope was tired of the Catholics and Jews sharing the city, so he decided that either the Jews must convert to Catholisism or leave.

The Jews, not wanting to leave, decided to have their wisest rabbi debate with the pope to stay. However, since the pope didn't speak yiddish, and the rabbi couldn't speak Italian, it was decided to be a silent debate.

The pope and rabbi began in a room by themselves. The pope raised 3 fingers and the rabbi raised 1, the pope pointed around the room and the rabbi pointed at the floor, finally the pope took out a chalice of wine and some wafers while the rabbi took out an apple. The pope conceded and allowed the Jews to stay.

When the pope went back to deliver the news they asked what happened.

"Well", the pope began, "I held 3 fingers up to show that god is composed of the father, son, and holy spirit, while the rabbi held up 1 to show that they all still make the same god. Next, I pointed around to show that god is all around us, while the rabbi pointed to the ground to show that god is also with us all. Finally, I took wine and wafers to show that Jesus absolves us of all sin, while the rabbi took an apple to remind of man's original sin"

Meanwhile the Jews were asking the rabbi what happed.

"At first he told us we had 3 days to get out and I gave him the finger. Next he tried to tell us where we could go and I poined saying we were satying here."

"Then what?" the Jews asked.

"I don't know, he took out his lunch, so I took out mine."

 

[Imperfect_Elegance]

A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."

"What did you do?" asked the father.

"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?" pressed the father.

"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "