Fatal Attraction to Pain

[cre8ive_ovadose]

Hey, this is my first piece that I'm posting on the guild so I hope it meets everyone's approval hehe. I wrote it about a friend I'm really worried about at the moment but I don't want to go into detail with that. Hope you guys like it though biggrin

FATAL ATTRACTION TO PAIN

I’ve tried to keep it in for so long
You said that I was strong
But how can you say that
When every chance you get you let go?
I thought we were in this together
I thought we were in it for keeps
But how can I believe you
Will you be safe when the world sleeps?

This fatal attraction with pain and grief
Has kept us awake, thief of our sleep
We love you to pieces but it doesn’t get through
To you

We try to ignore the agony we see in you
We try to find you salvation
But you never let us through
Those barriers that you put up
To keep your best friends out
Don’t we mean a thing inside that sad, black heart?

I’ve watched you in the dark of night
Your future doesn’t look too bright
The dark cloud hangs over your head
As you drain your favourite liquor bottle
Don’t throw yourself away
Over something silly as this
There’s more to life, you taught me that
Pain’s not all that exists

This deadly woe you hold so tight inside
The light around you is self-denied
We have screamed that we love you but you
Don’t care

We try to ignore the agony we see in you
We try to find you salvation
But you never let us through
Those barriers that you put up
To keep your best friends out
Don’t we mean a thing inside that sad, black heart?

We’ve tried and we’ve tried
We’ve pleaded and bled
We’ve screamed at the top of our lungs
For you to stop
We’ve crumbled and fallen
But you’ve still held on
Despite the poison deep in your veins
You are alive

We try to ignore the agony we see in you
We try to find you salvation
But you never let us through
Those barriers that you put up
To keep your best friends out
Don’t we mean a thing inside that sad, black heart?

Don’t we mean a thing inside that sad, black heart?
Don’t we mean a thing as we fall into the dark?
Don’t we mean a thing as we leave you alone?
Don’t we mean a thing as we’re finally gone?

I hope you guys liked this and if you have any constructive criticism or tips or opinions about it please let me know, I'm really trying to work on my song writing skills at the moment. Thanks for reading though heart CBL  

[Kasi Karra]

I really really liked this song blaugh

I can feel the emotion and the pain and almost the entire expierence behind the lyrics and that makes the song all the more better.

I did have a few questions though.
On the Second line of the song "You said that I was strong" Is this meant to mean, your friend is saying that they are strong or saying that you (someone else) is strong. If she is saying she's strong I would use quotation marks around what she said to show that.

I love the last 4 lines of the song. A suggestion that I have that you don't have to take is that I would change the arrangement of the lines to be, fall into the dark, then leave you alone, then finally gone, then sad, black heart.
Since all of your choruses ended with the sad black heart line it adds to the repetiton.  

[cre8ive_ovadose]

Kasi Karra

I really really liked this song blaugh

I can feel the emotion and the pain and almost the entire expierence behind the lyrics and that makes the song all the more better.

I did have a few questions though.
On the Second line of the song "You said that I was strong" Is this meant to mean, your friend is saying that they are strong or saying that you (someone else) is strong. If she is saying she's strong I would use quotation marks around what she said to show that.

I love the last 4 lines of the song. A suggestion that I have that you don't have to take is that I would change the arrangement of the lines to be, fall into the dark, then leave you alone, then finally gone, then sad, black heart.
Since all of your choruses ended with the sad black heart line it adds to the repetiton.

First of all: Thank you! You're the first person to read any of my songs that's actually given me any feedback that's actually been helpful! ^L^

With the second line, well, that first whole verse it's "me" saying it to my friend, if that makes sense. All of my best songs seem to have at least one confusing line in them now that I think about it biggrin

And I get what you mean about the last bit. I'll definitely think about this and I'll let you know if I decide to change it ^L^ Thanks for commenting though, and for reading heart CBL  

[Kasi Karra]

lol, I'm glad I could be helpful smile

So on line 2, if we have person A and person B (song is about person A) it's person A saying that person B is strong?  

[cre8ive_ovadose]

Kasi Karra

lol, I'm glad I could be helpful smile

So on line 2, if we have person A and person B (song is about person A) it's person A saying that person B is strong?

Yeah (that's such a better way of putting it sweatdrop )  

[Kasi Karra]

np, I just wanted to make sure I understood what was happening.

I still think that line is a little confusing, but maybe it makes more sense to someone else smile